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Episode 204

MST3K

204 Catalina Capper (1967)
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** Joel is helping the bots say their prayers to a higher power. They ask for blessings for a bunch of TV and movie robots. Joel wants them to pray for the mad scientists but Tom and Crow aren’t so sure.
Dr F and Frank show off their new tank tops.
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Joel’s idea is the tickle bazooka.

After a cartoon opening credits, the movie begins with a nightime beach scene, complete with bonfires and youngsters in swimwear dancing. Up on the hillside above the beach a burglar is sneaking around house. Or is it a museum. Anyway he steals a scroll or something from whatever the building is.
The next day we see the thief boarding a boat for Santa Catalina Island. Greeting passengers is Bob, when up walks his old friend Charlie and his friend Don. Charlie is set on showing Don (Tommy Kirk) a good time. The three seem to be getting along just swell.
Don starts strolling around the ship and strikes up a conversation with Katrina. Suddenly Charlie (Brian Cutler) shows up with a bunch of girls and wisps Don away. Just as suddenly Little Richard appears and starts singing.
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After docking, the thief strolls off the boat with the scroll stashed in his cane. He signals to a man on shore about the cane. Looks like he is in on this deal. Meanwhile a third man, who had been seasick and falling down on the boat, also disembarked. There’s something fishy about that guy.
The thief, whose name is Lawrence, is then siting on another boat drinking champagne with Arthur and Anne Duval. They bring out the scroll and look it over. Anne (Sue Casey) says she can have it copied in one day. Across the bay someone is spying on them. It’s the seasick guy. I knew he was up to something but then he falls into the water. The three conspirators plan on selling the copy to a Greek tycoon and then putting the real one back.

** Break number 1
** Servo and Crow ask Joel to tell them about the sixties. He tells them about the Rat Pack and the Playboy mansion but then he starts remembering some of the less fun stuff about the sixties

Here comes another boat. It’s driven by Charlie’s sister Tina. On the dock she meets Don. Here come the Duvals with their son Tad (Peter Duryea). After introductions, more girls arrive, so Don, Charlie and Tina head off for fun. Mrs Duval leaves for the hotel. Tad questions his father. He knows the two of them are up to something illegal. Mr Duval (Del Moore) lies.
Seasick guy has finally gotten out of the water but nothing happens.
The yougiins’ are out scuba diving near Lakopolous’s boat. He’s the Greek guy. Greek guy sends his assistant to go look at the scroll. Mr Duval and Lawrence boat out to the rondezvous point. There’s seasick guy again in a little dingy. In the water he goes again. Is there a point to the this?
So the assistant swims up to the boat. He tries to steal the scroll but it falls into the water. Its in a tube so it should be safe from the sea water. Wait there’s Bob from back at the beginning of the movie. He’s not just a greeter he’s a harbor cop or something. The assistant jumps into the water. So do Don and Charlie. Then it’s time for scuba fighting. The bad guy gets away and Don and Charlie end up back with the girls on their boat.

** 2nd break
** Tom sings a song dedicated to “creepy girl” (Katrina) from the film

Back on shore the youths all get together for more dancing cause what else is there to do. For the next several minutes we’re forced to sit through some really bad music then it time for volleyball on the beach. Tad strolls up and thanks Don for helping his father. Suddenly it’s creepy girl, I mean Katrina (Ulla Str√∂mstedt).  She lays out on the beach and every guy on the island can’t take their eyes off of her.
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Tina is quite miffed. Katrina goes for a swim which seems to break the spell. Everyone but Don heads off for some other amusement. Katrina loses her top so Don gives her his windbreaker to cover up. She has to go and look for her boyfriend, Angelo. She asked Don to come along. Turns out Angelo is working with the Greek guy’s assistant to look for the the scroll. Hey look, it’s seasick guy again. Katrina finally finds Angelo (Lyle Waggoner) and he’s a real asshole.
Later Don and Bob, you know the harbor master guy, find Charlie with a couple of girls. Tina shows up and so does Katrina. She and Angelo have split up. She lets it slip that Angelo is doing some diving for Lakopolous. That gets Bob’s attention. Tina (Venita Wolf) pretends to be drowning to try and get the guys to pay attention to her. It’s seasick guy to the rescue. Tina gets upset and oh never mind. That scene was so stupid. Back to more bad music and dancing and seasick guy ending up in the water again.
Mr Duval has a plan to get the scroll from out of the water. He stages a fake scuba diving party to get the kids to look for the scroll. Uh oh! Seasick guy overhears him. Of course he trips and falls.
Out on the boat the kids are looking for the scroll tube. Angelo and Greek assistant are also looking for it. They go to the Duval’s boat. Mr Greek pulls out a piece.

** Break

** Frank is hosting a tuperware party but is having trouble getting the containers to seal. Dr F is none too pleased and goes after him with a melon baller. 
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Charlie comes up with the scroll but the bad guys take it from them. They jump overboard and get away with the goods. Back on the dock Don has a surprise. He has the real scroll. He has a plan to get the bad guys and keep the Duvals out of jail.
Later Angelo and assistant Greek take the scroll from Don at knife point. Charlie and the girls show up and Greek guy takes off. Seasick guy tries to jump Angelo but of course misses. Don slugs Angelo and down he goes. Bob arrives to arrest Angelo. Don takes off after the Greek support staffer followed by seasick guy, Charlie and Mr Duval. Don catchs up to the villain, slugs him and down he goes. Don must have taken some boxing lessons or something. Mr Duval gets the scroll. Just as Jimmy the Greek stands up, seasick guy crashes into him on a skate board and you guessed it, into the water they go. Seasick guy gets out of the water. Turns out he is Fingers O’Tolle  (Robert Donner) an insurance investigator. He arrests Duval for stealing the scroll but when they look in the tube there’s no scroll. Tad has secretly returned the scroll to the museum. Then we get one last dance sceen with basically everyone that was in the movie.

** closing
** Joel and the bots argue about what was the point of the film. Tom tries to sing creepy girl again but gets cut off. Dr Forrester is enjoying some fruit salad while Frank seems to be missing an eye.
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Tommy Kirk was a long time Disney actor staring in Old Yeller, the Hardy Boys as well as The Absent Minded Professor. He developed a drug problem and left acting. After getting clean he started a successful carpet cleaning business.
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Brian Cutler is best know for his role in the TV show the Secrets of Isis.
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Venita Wolf was a model and beauty pageant contestant. This was her only feature film. She left acting in 1968.
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Peter Duryea had a hand full of supporting roles in TV and movies through the 1970’s. He is best know for his role in the pilot episode of Star Trek. image

Ulla Str√∂mstedt’s most significant role was that of Ulla Norstrand on the TV series Flipper.
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Lyle Waggoner is best know for his years on The Carol Burnett Show (1967-1974) and for Wonder Woman where he played Steve Trevor from 1975 to 1979.
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Del Moore appeared in several Jerry Lewis films including The Nutty Professor. 
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Sue Casey was in more than 200 commercials including ads for Chrysler, Maxwell House and Kelloggs.
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Michael Blodgett appeared in numerous small TV and movie rolls. His most famous being in Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.
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Robert Donner’s former neighbor, Clint Eastwood, talked him into acting. He had recurring roles on Adam-12 and Mork and Mindy playing Exidor.
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Best riffs
## No shirt, no shoes, no script.
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##Breathe through your mouth. “This thing right? The slit in my face?”
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## “I think someone loves us.”
Well, it’s not me.
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##”They looks like Bluto and Popeye after Swing Choir.”
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##Oh look they’re standing four abreast
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Alright this movie is really bad. The plot couldn’t be more than a page long. But the episode is a lot of fun. The host segments were way better than the last episode.

I give this a 3 out of 5

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Episode 203

Jungle Goddess (1948)

With the short The Phantom Creeps (1939)

**Joel and the bots are playing hide and seek with the cosmic forces that control the universe.

Joel’s invention this week is the radio controlled saw. He accidentally cuts a hole in the floor and falls in. Dr. Forrester turned himself into a saxophone. Frank has to help with cleaning his spit valve.

**Time for the short.
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Doctor Zorka (Bella Lugosi) and his assistant Monk are discussing one of Zorka’s inventions, a huge robot with a giant head. Zorka, much to Monk’s dismay, lets it walk around the lab for a while. Zorka feels an army of these would make him the most powerful person in the world.
Zorka’s wife arrives with his old partner Dr. Mallory to try and talk some sense into him. Zorka shows his wife another invention of his using a spider and a disc with a new element he has discovered. Mallory sees the demonstration and is impressed. He tries to convince Zorka to turn his discovery over to the government but he is having none of that. He even threatens to sell it to some foreign governments. Mallory decides to notify military intelligence.
All pissed off now Zorka heads back to his lab. He tests out one of his other ideas, an invisibility belt. It works like a charm. He and Monk then move their lab into a secret area of the house.
A man from the military comes to the house. He, Mallory and Zorka’s wife go into the old lab to try and see what Zorka has been up to. Zorka and Monk have cleaned out the lab and have already left.
Zorka stages his death in a car accident. He then spies on the authorities while wearing the invisibility belt. While on her way to identify Zorka’s body, his wife is killed in a plane crash

End of the short

**Joel is hosting an infomercial with Tom and Crow selling exploding spiders.

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Bob Simpson, an American pilot, is hanging out in a bar in the African jungle. Fellow pilot Mike Patton (George Reeves) comes in and Bob shows him a newspaper article. It explains that the will of rich tycoon Peter Vanderhorn stipulates that whoever finds his lost daughter will receive a substantial reward. Greta Vanderhorn has been missing after her plane crashed in the African jungle six years ago. No one has been able to search for her because of WWII. Bob (Ralph Byrd) convinces Mike they should start searching for her.

After flying for a little while and only seeing wildlife, they spot the wreckage. Somehow they land the plane and start tramping through the jungle towards the wreckage. When they stumble upon some tribesmen Bob immediately shoots one but they are quickly captured. The tribe guys bring them to their village where lo and behold it’s Greta (Wanda McKay) and she is the goddess of the village. She explains that the two men will be put on trial for murder. Bob is duly convicted and sentenced to death at the next full moon. Mike just gets probation or rather is found innocent. They both are put under guard until the execution. Bob has smuggled a hand gun into the jail. He and Mike have eight days to figure out how to get out of this mess. Greta then summons Mike to her hut.

**Crow and Servo ask about the binocular effect from the movie so Joel demonstrates a bunch of different types of camera effects that can be used.

Movie Sign!!!

With the guard gone Greta lets go of the goddess act. She asks Mike if her father has sent them. Mike informs her of his passing. She then goes into a flashback sequence about how she got there. She was in college, then Germany invaded Poland, then she flew to Lisbon, then her plane crashed in Africa on the way to Johannesburg. Being the only survivor she sets out through the jungle, purse in hand of course. The villagers find her and thought she was a God. Well you get the point.
Tired of the jungle life Greta is ready to hit the road but the natives aren’t about to just let her go. She has a plan to get out and Mike agrees to go along with it. Mike tells Bob about Greta’s story. Bob is all freaked out and not sure what to think.

The next day Greta sends for Mike again. They have a big meal in her hut while Bob eats alone. Just as Mike is getting ready to leave Greta’s hut he sees a rare mineral. It’s cronotite. You know cronotite. It right on the periodic table after upsidaisium and before unobtainium. Mike shows it to Bob and they both agree they are going to be rich. Bob suggests they make a break for it that night. Mike reminds him about Greta. Bob’s all like no way man bros before hos man. Mike storms off.

With all the hunters out hunting, Bob tries to convince one of the native girls to take him out into the jungle but she snitches on him. Mike confronts Bob and they get into a scrap over the gun. Bob accidentally shots another native. The three of them make a run for it.

* * Break time
**An old airplane, just like the one from the movie, appears outside the ship. Its Bob and Mike from the film. They want to exploit the mineral rights and natives. And of course Bob wants to shoot things.
** back to the theater

Greta twists her ankle which slows them down. The three are forced to spend the night in the jungle as do the natives pursuing them.
The next morning Mike and Bob get into another fight. This time Bob wins and gets the gun back. He starts out on his own. Mike and Greta try to follow. The natives follow them. This goes on for several minutes with Bob shooting at stuff every so often. Mike and Greta catch up to Bob and surprise they start fighting again. One of the tribesmen spears Bob in the back. Mike then shoots the spear thrower dead. Greta and Mike reach the plane and fly away to safety.

**Joel and the bots put on a sitcom called “My White Goddess”. Frank loves it. He then starts repeating everything Dr. Forrester says. At least he pushed the button this time.

George Reeves played Superman in the Adventures of Superman from 1951 -1958. Reeves died in 1959. It was officially ruled a suicide but many believe it was an accidental shooting or maybe murder.

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Wanda McKay was a model in many magazines, and was selected as the model for the Chesterfield Girl. She also won the “Miss America Aviation” award

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Ralph Byrd stared as Dick Tracy on TV and film beginning in 1937 until his death from a heart attack in 1952.
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Best riffs

# What navy is he in? I think he’s a cab driver
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# How’s the ankle? Oh its fine… Well keep hobbling or I’ll have to chew it off
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# What happened Wanama? Were you with the white devil? (Nods) Do we need to get out the anatomically correct doll?
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# Someone oughta spank that monkey.
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This is a difficult one for me. The short and the movie are really bad. Most of the breaks weren’t that good either. The riffing was average. This is one of my least favorite episodes.
I give this a 1 out of 5

Uncategorized

Episode 202

The Sidehackers (1969)

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**The bots seem a little cranky after getting a bath and Joel is getting frustrated. For the invention exchange Joel has a slinky he exposed to ultra violet light. The Mad’s have there own version of a slinky. Time for the movie.

Dirt bikes, complete with side-cars, are having a race. The winning driver, Rommel (Ross Hagen) get a congratulatory kiss from his girlfriend, Rita (Diane McBain). We are then treated to several minutes of the couple strolling and playing amongst the hills professing their love for each other. Rita gives Rommel a small lock that she wants him to wear. Sort of like an engagement ring.
Later Rommel is working on a bike in his garage with his partner Luke (Dick Merrifield). Another biker named JC shows up needing some work done. His girl Paisley seems interested in Rommel. Rommel invites her, JC and the rest of his gang to come watch him race. Rommel ends up winning the thrilling event.

**First break
**Joel and the bots sing a song about side hacking.
Sidehacking is the thing to do.
And it doesn’t hurt to have low IQ
Take a life you like and a little love
The big band prize is twenty-five bucks
Sidehacking will quench your danger thirst
The stupid ones always seem to come in first

Sidehacking is one big bash
The favorite sport of cheap white trash
When your on the sidehack make sure you don’t slip
You’ll end up with five metal pins in your hip
Learn way back till you scrape your butt
Make it look like a quarter pound of ground chuck

It’s a sport that attracts a lot of racing fools
A lot of people get hurt cause there ain’t no rules
All you need is a toxic landfill
A cycle and a sidecar and an urge to kill
Better get the sport cause it won’t last long
The founders of this sport are laid at forest lawn
Back to the movie.

JC (Michael Pataki) really enjoyed the race and wants to use it in his traveling show. Over beers at Rommel’s place JC tries to convince Rommel and Rita to go on the road with him. When Rommel turns him down JC gets angry and leaves. Paisley confronts JC about his antics and he punches her in the stomach.
Luke and Rommel finish the repairs on JC’s bike and one of his underlings picks it up. Sudden Paisley (Claire Polan) shows up trying to get close to Rommel but he turns her down. She leaves in a huff.
We are then forced to watch a revolting scene of Rita and Rommel getting all frisky with each other. Blah!
Feeling rejected Paisley makes it look like she was assaulted and tells JC that Rommel did it. Angered, JC and company go to Rommel’s place.

**Second break
**Joel and the bots try to come up with some terminology to use to describe sidehacking.
Movie Sign!

Rommel awakens after getting beat up to find Rita is gone. Apparently she has been killed. We are then forced to watching Rommel walk around longing for Rita while having to listen to an insipid song.
Rommel decides to try and find JC and kill him. Luke tries to talk him out of it but can’t. After scrounging up some money, Rommel hires a couple of guys to help get JC. One of them turns out to be working for JC and is setting him up. Rommel and his crew are waiting until morning to attack when he realizes he us being double crossed.

**Third break
**Joel and the bots are talking about how cool Rommel is but keep remembering what happened to Rita. JC talked to them on the view screen. Then they realize there is more of the movie to watch.

JC instructions his mole to lure Rommel to the old quarry. JC then tries to get all romantic with Paisley. When she rejects him he chokes her to death.
Rommel and the rest of his group capture the spy. Luke shows up. After talking it over Luke heads off to get the police but Rommel goes to the quarry anyway. JC has a small army waiting for him. The battle begins and one by one each team losses side characters until only JC and Rommel are left. After a lengthy fist fight, JC finds a gun and kills Rommel just as the police arrive.

**Joel and the bots (including Gypsy) sing “only love pads the film” in the style of the sappy song from the movie. The song brings Frank to tears. Dr F still has trouble getting Frank to push the button.

Ross Hagen was sometimes know as the poor man’s Steve McQueen. He starred in a lot of biker oriented movies including The Mini-Skirt Mob,  Speedway and Hell Cats.

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Diane McBain also appeared in The Mini-Skirt Mob as well as Thunder Alley and Spinout with Elvis.
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Michael Pataki has appeared in many films.  One of his best know parts was playing Nicoli Koloff, the Soviet boss, in Rocky IV.
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Dick Merrifield also appeared with Ross Hagen in Hell Cats.
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Claire Polan was Ross Hagen’s wife and his long time film partner.
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This movie is dreadful. It wasn’t even enjoyable on a bad movie level. For a movie called Sidehacking there wasn’t much of it in the film.
This is one of my least favorite episodes. If it wasn’t for the sidehacking song I would have given this a one.

Best riffs.
#They stoled his dimes!
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# We used to come here to club seals together
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#I remember when they used to shoot movies in Orange Julius-Scope…
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# Uh, Toni Tennille wants her hat back.
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This episode gets a 2 out of 5.