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Episode 210

King Dinosaur
(Short: X Marks the Spot)

** Joel reads a little bit of free verse poetry to Tom and Crow. They both have beatnik beards. Down in Deep 13, Dr Forrester is putting in an elevator. Frank “accidentally” sends him down before the elevator is finished, squishing Dr F, so they turn him into the invention exchange. Joel just has a pair of stinky old socks that have gone stiff.
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X Marks the Spot

The commissioner of the New Jersey department of motor vehicles is dictating a letter. When he’s finished he addresses the camera. He talks about the number of deaths caused by careless driving. The scene fades to a small town in New Jersey. Next we meet Joe.
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He drives around town nearly causing several accidents before he finally ends up in one. Joe turns into a ghost and an “angel” comes to escort him to a sort of courtroom. The judge says Joe wasn’t supposed to be there for another twenty years. The angel explains that Joe is a terrible driver and that he was lucky he wasn’t there earlier. He proceeds to tell the judge all of the things Joe would do while driving and he has been protecting him for 15 years. The judge tells the angel he isn’t needed any more. The judge turns to the camera and asks the audience to pass judgement on Joe but only if they are qualified as good drives themselves.

** Break
** Crow is contemplating whether he is qualified or not. He starts throwing out ideas on how to make things better.

King Dinosaur
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A narrator tells us that the government is working on developing a rocketship to go to a new planet that was just discovered named Nova. Many tests are performed using many different types of equipment.
Before you know it they are ready to blast off to the new planet.
The crew is made up of scientists – Doctors Ralph Martin, Patricia Bennett, Richard Gordon and Nora Pierce. They easily land on the plant that looks amazingly just like earth. Patricia and Ralph head out first and do a little looking around. They start running tests to see what’s up with this planet.
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What luck, they can take off their space suits. Nora and Richard come out to join them. The four of them strike out in search of adventure. Or science. Or whatever. Lots of birds and other earth cretures to see. Out in the middle of a lake there is an island with a volcano on it. The island looks different than the rest of the place.

** Break
** Joel and the bots introduce us to Joey the lemur.

They continue walking for a while, then take a rest. A snake sneaks up behind Patricia and scares her. Ralph blasts it with his gun. They decide to stop for the night and make camp. The four of them build a shelter, then it’s time for some shut eye. While Ralph is standing watch, Patricia wakes up. Finally the two have some alone time and they take full advantage of it. After a little smooching they take a stroll. Ralph trips on a rock and falls down a hill, landing on top of an alligator. That’s right an alligator. A battle ensues and Patricia screams a lot. Ralph wins but is in really bad shape. Hearing the screaming, Richard and Nora come to the rescue. Richard shoves Patricia out of the way and brings Ralph back to camp to mend his wounds.
Later Ralph and Patricia (Wanda Curtis) wake up at camp to see a wasp like creature the size of a Volkswagen nearby. Ralph shoots it dead. Richard and Nora return from the ship with more supplies. They have a lemur with them. They make it a pet.
Nora is determined to get a look at that island. The next day, her and Dickie Boy grab an inflatable raft and the lemur and head over to it. They tramp around for while and keep heard a roaring sound. Suddenly they see it.
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A giant iguana. Richard begins firing away but his gun jams. The two high tail it to a nerby cave. Oh no the lemur is still out there. Richard (William Bryant) runs out and gets him but gets a nasty bite on his arm from the mighty lizard. He stumbles back to the cave.

** Break
** Joel and the bots put on a skit called The Emotional Scientist, but they each get too emotional to continue.

The iguana is parked outside the cave hoping to get a snack when another alligator shows up. It’s fightin’ time. With the two beasts going at it, Richard climbs out and fires off a flare to get Ralph (Douglas Henderson) and Patricia to come help. The iguana wins the battle and heads back to the cave to try and get the two very scared scientists.
The rescuers get another raft and proceed toward the island. They land and start racing across the island hunting for their comrades. More lizards start showing up, so more fighting ensues. Ralph and Nora (Patti Gallagher) slip out of the cave and meet up with the others. There is only one solution to all this, set off an atomic bomb. They set the timer and start making tracks for the rafts. Oh no its a giant armadillo.
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Better shoot at it. That didn’t work. Run away, run away.
The iguana starts to give chase. The crew finally makes it to the raft. They paddle their hearts out to reach safety but the timer on the bomb is running down. They make it to shore and dive for cover just as the bomb goes off. With that done, it’s time to head back to earth.

** Joel tries to explain some of the good thing the movies director has done but Tom and Crow cut him off. He does show them how a theremin works. Frank is pretty impressed with the theremin. Dr Forrester uses Frank’s head to push the button.

William Bryant was a well known character actor from the 1960’s and 70’s appearing in many TV shows including Maverick, Columbo, Barnaby Jones and the Man from UNCLE.
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This was the only film Wanda Curtis ever appeared in.
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Douglas Henderson made several appearances on the TV show Perry Mason. He was also in Stay Away Joe with Elvis Presley.
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Patti Gallagher also appeared in Girl With an Itch in 1958.
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Best Riffs
# # I’ll be right with you, I’m just sealing some fates..
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# # .have to sit here, don’t even have my ‘roid cushion..
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# #  Hey, uh, you’re spending a lot of time on that one nipple there…
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# # GET OUT OF THE WAY! You had your chance
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This is a dreadful movie but a great episode. The riffing was really solid. If the movie was slightly better I would give this a 5. As it is its a 4 out of 5.

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Episode 209

The Hellcats (1968)
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** Everyone, including magic voice, has a cold. Joel turns Tom’s head into a vaporizer which helps clear everyone up but the ingredients may cause flashbacks.  For the invention exchange, Joel invented a sign language device. The Mads are hanging out on motorcycles because it’s a biker film again. 

A group of bikers are attending the funeral of one of their gang members.  Watching them are two detectives and a crime boss with one of his henchmen. Detective Chapman has been on the trail of the bikers and Mr Adrian, the crime boss, for six months but can’t seem to get them yet.

Later a biker delivers some drugs to Mr Adrian (Robert Slatzer) . He is getting tired of Chapman snooping around and decides to have him killed. Chapman and his fiancĂ©, Linda, are out having a stroll on a hill when he is gunned down by one of Mr Adrian’s men.

Chapman’s brother, Sgt  Monte Chapman, returns home to comfort Linda. The two of them decide to try and figure out who the killer is. Using the only clue they have, they ride a motorcycle to where the bikers are hanging out. They head in and act like hardened bikers, which impresses everyone.
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** Break
** Tom is writing in his diary and has a flashback to the crawling hand episode.

The bartender at the hangout calls Mr Adrian and tells him about the new biker. Someone puts a song on the jukebox and it’s time dance, dance, dance.
One of Adrian’s men comes in and delivers some instructions to Sheila, a biker girl. She is to pickup a couple pounds of drugs the next day. The guy starts trying to get frisky with her when our hero steps in to break it up. The gang decides to head out for some fun. Linda and Monte (Ross Hagen) join them.
Next it’s out in a field for more dancing, drinking and smooching. Another biker gang shows up and a starring contest begins.
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The leaders of each gang take off on their bikes for some sort of race while the others continue starring. 

** Break
** This time Crow has a flashback to the rocketship x-m episode.

The good guys leader, Snake, makes it back first. (Wait, which ones are the good guys?) Anyway, the two of them start fighting. With chains no less. Just when it looks like it’s going to turn into a huge brawl, Monte stops them and says, “Peace brothers. No more war”. Suddenly they are all friends. Sheila starts taking a liking to Monte but Snake (Del ‘Sonny’ West) puts a stop to that and challenges Monte. First Snake and then Monte are tied between two bikes.
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They have to hold on for 15 seconds while getting pulled apart. Monte wins the contest. Sheila, now really impressed, is all over Monte. The two head off for a little alone time.
One of the bikers tries to get close to Linda but she beats the crap out of him. Monte tries to get some information out of Sheila but she’s not talking. She ends up asking Linda (Dee Duffy) to come with her on the drug run.

Linda, Sheila and another girl, Betty, pickup the dope at a shack in Mexico. It’s easy to tell it’s Mexico because of the flamenco music constantly playing. On the way back, a cop starts to chase them. Linda and Sheila head one way while the cop follows Betty another. She wrecks her bike and is killed. Unfortunately the stash was hidden on her bike. When one of the bikers tries to it get back from the impound lot, he gets busted.
Sheila (Sharyn Kinzie) rides off to Mr Adrian’s office. Linda follows her with Monte close behind. Sheila and Linda head into the office. Mr Adrian is none too happy. He slaps Sheila and has her tied up. He then starts sizing up Linda. Monte shows up and tries to sneak in but is knocked out by Mr Adrian’s goon.

** Break
** Time for Joe’s flashback to Jungle Goddess.

After beating Monte up a bit they tie him up as well.
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Adrian and his men start cleaning out the office to get ready to go to Tahiti. They plan to dump Monte and Sheila in the ocean and take Linda with them.
Meanwhile at the police station, the biker that got busted decides to tell all that he knows.
When Linda gets Mr. Adrian alone she convinces him she wants to get to know him better.
Sheila finds a cutting tool and is able to free her and Monte. He starts attacking the bad guys while Sheila heads to a pay phone to call the gang. Adrian pulls a gun and gets the upper hand on our heroes. He forces them into a car and then on to a boat. The bikers all show up before they can launch the boat. They beat up the bad guys and rescue Monte and Linda. Later, Linda and Monte part ways and Monte rides off on his bike.

** Joel and the bots enjoy a big hug and are glad to have each other. Dr Forrester is repulsed but Frank is sobbing. He finally gets the doctor to give him a hug.

This is the second time we have seen Ross Hagen. He was in episode 202 – The Sidehackers.
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This was the last of three movies Dee Duffy appeared in.
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This was the only movie Sharyn Kinzie appeared in.
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Del ‘Sonny’ West appeared in Stay Away Joe with Elvis Presley also in 1968.
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Robert F. Slatzer acted in one other movie but was the writer and director of this movie.
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Best Riffs
## I’ve got my eye on you.
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## It’s a book signing party for “150 Sex”
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## Oh, I get it! It’s a triathlon: bike race, knife fight, then beer guzzling…
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## Mixing dice with chess really speeds up the game!
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This movie is really a dud but the episode is pretty good. 3 out of 5.