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Episode 302

Episode 302
Gamera
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** Tom is helping Joel and Crow vocally limber up for the experiment. Joel invents a Tupperware bowl for the endless salad bar. Frank invents a vacuum to clean bird cages. It doesn’t work quite right.

Some scientist arrive at an Eskimo village in the artic. They see a group of unknown planes fly over them. A nearby research ship also sees them. The American military is alerted and they send out two fighter jets to intercept. They shoot down one of the planes and it causes a great explosion when it hits the ice. The ice in the area begins to break apart and out crawls a giant turtle, Gamera!
He sets his sights on the research vessel and wait, what’s this, he can shoot flames from his mouth.
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The boat is able to get off one last message about the attack which the US military picks up. They send out more fighters but are unable to find the ship or the turtle.
Dr Hidaka and his daughter Katherine are the only two scientists to survive along with their camera man Alex. They let the world know about Gamera. Alex tells Katherine he is extremely fond of her.
In Tokyo, a little boy named Kenny is obsessed with turtles. He draws pictures of them and he even has a small one named Tibby as a pet. But Kenny has been neglecting his school work so his father tells him to get rid of the turtle. Kenny lets it go in the ocean.

** Break
** Tom sings a song about Tibby. Crow is not impressed.

Kenny hears a noise behind him, it’s Gamera. His parents come our to see what’s all the ruckus. Kenny somehow ends up on a lighthouse near Gamera. He smashes it and Kenny falls towards the ground. Gamera catches him and sets him down by his parents. Everyone is thrilled that Gamera has a good heart.
Dr Hidaka gets a call that Gamera has been sighted nearing Tokyo but has vanished again. He and his daughter make plans to head there.
Kenny sneaks out of his house at night and looks for Tibby. He finds him hiding in the rocks along the shore. He plans to visit him the next day.
Gamera is finally caught sight of near the geothermal power plant. Dr Hidaka has a plan to try and stop Gamera. They use the 10,000 volts from the power plant to shock him. It doesn’t work. Turns out it just recharges him, like a battery. The military fires away at him but Gamera just tears up the place.
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Dr Hidaka (Eiji Funakoshi) consults a colleague and they determine nuclear weapons would be useless again Gamera. The military has a new weapon that can freeze things. They decide to give it a try but it will only freeze him for 10 minutes so they need to catch him or something during that time. Gamera starts climbing a nearby hill as the weapon is readied.

** Break
** Crow and Tom are practicing voodoo on a Jim Varney doll and are pretending it’s Kenny.
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Joel catches them and makes them try to think of something positive about Kenny. Crow has a lot of trouble so Joel gives him a time out. Tom announces the “Kenny, what gives?” contest.

The planes fly over and drop the freeze bombs. The freeze works and Gamera is stuck on top of the hill. They quickly detonate some explosives under him. Gamera flips over and slides down the hillside. He’s stuck upside down and everyone rejoices since turtles can’t turn themselves over. But Gamera still has a few tricks up his carapace. He pulls his arms and head inside his shell. Flames start to come out and he begins to spin and fly away.
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Meanwhile back with Kenny, he starts collecting rocks. He is going to use them to build Gamera and Tibby a house. He and his mother go and visit Dr Hidaka and Katherine in Tokyo. Gamera seems to be in hiding. Kenny thinks he must be lonely and that deep down he must be good. Later a school mate throws Kenny’s stones in the river. Of course this enormously upsets him.
Some unusual tides cause flooding in Tokyo and the marinelife in the area seems to have disappeared. Dr Hidaka thinks Gamera is the cause of it. A conference is convened with the world’s leading scientists to try and decide what to do. They recommend implementing “Z Plan”. It’s some sort of American, Soviet and Japanese research thingamajig on an island.
At long last, Gamera returns and starts tearing up Tokyo. He smashes buildings and shoots flames all over the place. It seems Kenny was wrong about Gamera after all. Kenny makes a wish that Gamera will not do anything bad. With Tokyo being evacuated, Kenny is able to slip away from his mother. Hmm, wonder where he’s going.
The scientist need 24 hours to get Z Plan ready. Gamera is busy eating flames at a coal plant. It decided to keep him there until they are ready. They send rail cars full of fuel to keep they fires going. Guess who hitches a ride on the train. If you guessed Kenny, you’re right. The tanker cars are pushed in with Kenny on board. One of the workers spots him and tries to rescue him. The tanker explodes, killing Kenny. Wait, no it doesn’t. They both walk away just fine. The workers tell Kenny to go home. Again, this enormously upsets him.
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Z Plan is ready. Now they must get Gamera to the island. Dr Hidaka and Katherine head there. Unfortunately Alex isn’t able to come along. This enormously upsets him. Kenny meanwhile hides inside a cargo ship bound for the island.

** Break
** Tom, Crow and Gypsy are in a beauty salon when Gamera shows up. He’s doing some laundry and wants to borrow a dryer sheet.
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The bots ask him a few questions but he gets a phone call from Godzilla. They got a movie deal they are working on. He leaves them with some advice – Keep your shell in the sun and always keep reaching for the stars.

Kenny gets to the island and is easily found. Katherine takes him away and gives him a good thrashing. Or at least that what she should have done. Instead she just has him sit down.
To lure Gamera to the island, they spill fuel on the ocean and light it on fire. Sure enough, Gamera goes for it.
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Just to throw a wrench into things, a typhoon is head for the area. The winds pick up and put out the flames. No flames, no Gamera. He starts to head back to the island. One of the workers grabs a gas can and lights a building on fire. Can you guess who that worker is? It’s Alex. He snuck onto the island. The fire gets Gamera’s attention and he makes a beeline for it but the storm blows it out too. Just when it looks hopeless, the volcano on the island starts to erupt. Gamera most definitely likes that.
The scene shifts to later. The storm is gone and the volcano has stopped erupting. Inside the facility on the islands everyone is ready to start Z Plan. A few small flames are lit and Gamera moves towards them. When he is in the right position they trap him inside a dome. It’s actually the top of a rocket. The rocket is launched and Gamera is on his way to Mars. Everyone is seriously happy, even Kenny.

** Tom gives some not so serious info about some of the actors in the film. Joel’s happy the film was not so bad. Dr Forrester is annoyed about that.

Eiji Funakoshi stared in the 1959 Japanese classic  Fires on the Plain
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Best Riffs
## TOY BOAT TOY BOAT TOY BOAT
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## “Look! Gamera is turning!”
He’s turning Japanese! I really think so!
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## Crow: Hey, Joel, does this remind you of anything?
Tom: “In the not to distant future”
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I’m not a big fan of this episode. The host segments were really good, especially when Gamera visited the ship, but the movie was not much fun for me. 2 out of 5

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Episode 301

Episode 301
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The Blade Master aka: Cave Dwellers

Joel and the bots decide what names they would like to have. Gypsy picks Stockard Channing. Crow – Jose Jimenez. Tom Servo – Sugar Magnolia. Joel goes with Chuck Woolery. Magic voice stays with magic voice. Crow changes his mind and switches to Alan Parsons Project. Tom quickly changes to Mr Tibbs. Gypsy, panicking, says Mrs Richard Basehart. Magic voice wants Vivian Banks. Joel puts a stop to the whole thing. 
Down in Deep 13, Frank just wants to be know as Frank. Dr Forrester thinks the whole thing is idiotic. He won’t let Frank sing either.
For the invention exchange Joel makes an actual smoking jacket. Dr F and Frank demonstrate robot arm wrestling.
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As the opening credits roll, two guys are involved in some sort of fight with some other people of some sort.
Then a clan of cave dwellers are having a bite to eat in a cave. Another group storms the cave and a huge fight begins.
The scene shifts to a large castle where Mila comes to see her father, Akronas, aka “The Great One”. He is an inventor and mystic man of sorts. His newest invention is some sort of gleaming thing which he says can be used as a weapon of sorts. It’s sort of confusing.
Apparently Zor, a former student, will use it for evil if he can get his hands on it. Akronas tells Mila that only Ator, another student, can be trusted with it.
Time for a flashback. It seems that Ator was born of noble birth during the age of the spider and was captured as a baby and everyone lived in fear and he later in life fought back and was wounded and they took his wife and he learned how to fight better and got a special sword and shield and fought the bad guys and rescued his wife and killed the giant spider. Later his wife died, so now he hides out with his mute Asian friend, Thong, and they do a bunch of exercises and other manly stuff.
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Back in the present, Zor and his men head for the castle. Akronas sends Mila to find Ator. Zor’s men start to ruff up Akronas but he tells them to knock it off. Zor begins to sweet talk Akronas to try and soften him up.

** Break
** Joel and the bots recreate the opening scene from the movie but are all dressed like Zor, Ator and Akronas
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Outside, Mila fights with some of Zor’s men. She is shot with an arrow but still manages to get away. She races on until she reaches Ator (Miles O’Keeffe) and collapses. He and Thong remove the arrow and nurse her wound.
Zor figures out where Mila is headed. He tell Akronas he his ready to confront Ator. Mila explains to Ator the predicament her father is in. Ator is not sure she is really Akronas’s daughter so he tests her. He locks her in a cage and she pulls a MacGyver to get out. Yep, she is the real deal. Ator knows all about the “geometric nucleus” Akronas has invented. The three of them head out to save the day.
Zor introduces Akronas to Sandur, his very own mystic man.
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He instructs Sandur to use his power to stop Ator. He throws some powder in a bowl and it goes poof.
Ator and company are in the forest but there is a bunch of fog. With some of Zor’s men closing in, Mila gets lost. Ator and Thong go into a cave and are attacked by some invisible fighters. They get their buts kicked at first until they throw their capes of the inviso-guys and are able to kill them.
Mila finds the cave but she meets up with the cave dwellers from earlier. She fights them but they are able to capture her. Three of Zor’s men find the cave and are easily captured. They bring all four captors to the cave chief. They kill one on an alter and prepare to do the same to Mila when Ator finds them.
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He does a little MacGyver work of his own and scares the bejesus out of everyone, rescuing Mila.

** Break
** Tom and Crow ask Joel why do all of the props in the movie have such colorful names. He explains that the movie had a low budget so they use that to make them seem better.

The two of them meet up with Thong and find another way out of the cave. Turns out this whole escapade was Sandurs doing. But the mystic failed to stop Ator so Zor has him imprisoned.
The three heroes continue on and are attacked by a band of sort of samurai fighters. A heated battle ensues and the good guys come out victorious.
Zor continues to talk nice to Akronas but it’s really kind of passive aggressive. Akronas keeps spouting jibberish which is really wearing on Zor.
It’s break time for the protagonists. Thong grabs fish out of the stream with his bare hands while Mila chats up Ator.
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Later while sleeping, two travels from Sulachin show up, which just happens to be where Ator’s parents are from. The village is being controlled by serpent worshipers that need human sacrifices. Ator decides to go to the village to help. They arrive at the village and try to convince everyone to fight back against the religious group but it’s a trap. The village leader slips something in Ator drink and he passes out. Ator and Mila (Lisa Foster) are captured but Thong escapes. Ator is to be sacrificed to save the village. The serpent guys show up and go back on the deal. They decide to torch the village. They take Ator, Mila and a villager to be sacrificed. Suddenly Zor shows up. He gives the serpent leader some gold and five girls to sacrifice as payment for getting Ator. Then he heads off in search of fun. One by one they throw them into a pit until only Ator and Mila are left. Thong sneaks in and frees Ator just before Mila is cast in. A fight ensues but Mila is still throw in.

** Break
** Joel explains to the bots what a foley artist is and demonstrates some movie sounds effects.

Ator jumps in after her and fights the big snake stabbing it in the head.
They finally arrive at Akronas’s castle. Ator tells Thong and Mila to go in through the secret passage around back. He will keep Zor’s men busy himself. Some how Ator is able to fashion a modern day glider out of stuff he found nearby.
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Away he sails. And sails and sails for what seems more like a sight seeing trip than anything else. Zor and his men all see Ator. Akronas tells Zor he taught Ator how to do that. Zor is sick of the old man and punches him right in the face.
Ator drops some homemade bombs he also had time to make on the bad guys. Mila and Thong fight their way into the castle as Ator lands on top of it. Ator finds Zor and a tremendous fight begins. Back and forth it goes but Ator is able to disarm Zor. Akronas tells Ator to spare Zor’s life and let the courts decide his fate. When Ator turns his back Zor grabs a sword and goes after him. Thong throws a knife into Zor’s back killing him.
Akronas gives Ator the geometric nucleus. Mila has to let Ator go so he can fight evil where ever it is. Ator takes the nucleus and destroys it in a nuclear blast. Ator then rides away. 
Suddenly the two guys from the very beginning of the movie are back while the closing credits role.

** Joel and the bots are really pissed off at how bad the movie was. But what was worse were the huge continuity errors. Dr F and Frank don’t care. Remember, their evil.

Miles O’Keeffe is most famous for playing Tarzan opposite Bo Derek in Tarzan, the Ape Man in 1981
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Lisa Foster: although she appeared in a few other movies, she is best know for her visual arts work in movies and video games. She also worked on the digital restoration of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
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Best Riffs
## Made this in shop class. It’s a letter opener.
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## Ding-Dong
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## I think your cape is FABULOUS
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## I’m huge.
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This movie is really bad and down right silly. A perfect movie for the show. All the host segments were sharp. A great start to season 3
5 out of 5

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Episode 213

Episode 213
Godzilla vs the Sea Monster (1966)
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** Joel is reading The Velveteen Rabbit to the bots. They love it. For the invention exchange Joel makes a mind control guitar. Dr Forrester and Frank made guitars out of used doggie squeaky toys.
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A boat is being tossed about on a stormy sea and is being attacked by a giant lobster. The lobster flips the boat over.
Now it’s two months later. A psychic is talking to a mother. Her son was on the boat that was lost at sea. She tells the women her son is still alive.
Then it’s a dance contest. Two of the male dancers, Ichino and Nita, are forced to drop out. They meet another man, Ryota, that is needing a boat. He is the brother of Yata, one of the men lost at sea. The three of them drive down to the harbor and climb aboard a nice looking yacht. They start looking around when the owner, Yoshimura, appears and pulls a gun on them. After pleading their case, the owner lets them stay the night on board. When he wakes up, Ryota has taken the boat out to sea and refuses to turn around. Turns out the boat is not Yoshimura’s after all. He is a bank robber on the run from the law.
Later the sea starts getting rough and the yacht is jostled. Water begins to flood the craft and the mast breaks in half. The four of them survive but are washed a shore on some unknown island. Yoshimura realizes all the money he stole has washed away and is not happy about it.
They climb up a rock face and find a small grove of banana trees.
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They gorge themselves for awhile before continuing on. They see a large boat coming into a bay below them, so they head for it. As they get closer they notice some sort of a military facility. The boat docks and delivers several drums of cargo to the soldiers there. There are also several  islanders that are being held as slaves. Two of them make a break for it down the beach and reach a small canoe. They paddle out into the ocean but the large lobster monster from the opening scene devours them.
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Amidst the confusion, one of the slave girls escapes. The four would be heroes find her and she joins them.

** Break
** Tom and Crow ask Joel to explain just who is this Godzilla character. Joel presents them with the Godzilla Genealogy Bop to explain.

The girls name is Daiyo (Kumi Mizuno) and she tells the others about Mothra. The slaves are from another island and they believe that Mothra will rescue them from their captures. Daiyo and the four sad sailors are hiding out in a cave trying to decide what to do. Suddenly they notice Godzilla asleep deep in the cave.
That night they device a plan to break into the facility and help the natives escape. Yoshimura picks a lock on a security door and they slip inside. They snoop around and figure out it’s a heavy water factory. Just then they are discovered and are forced to make a run for it. Ryota gets tangle in a balloon and starts floating away.
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Nita is captured and is put to work with the slaves while the other three escape. They hide out in the Godzilla cave again.
Ryota lands on the other island and finds his brother Yata there. The natives there a prayin to Mothra. Back on the first island, the soldiers are searching for the wayward trio. They fire their weapons as they tramp through the jungle to try and force them our of hiding. Desperate to escape, they decide to try and wake up Godzilla using a make shift lightning rod. They hope lizard boy will keep they bad guys busy so they can get away.
Back with the slaves, they explain to Nita that they are being forced to make a special potion that keeps the giant crustacean from attacking the military boats. They all decide to make a fake batch of the stuff to trick the bad guys.

** Break
** Joel makes some not so convincing replicas of famous buildings out of found junk from around the ship. The bots are starting worry about Joel’s sanity.
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Ryota and Yata leave the other island on a small boat and head for the original island. As they get close a storm starts to close in. They row as hard as they can against the storm. Then the gigantic crayfish makes an appearance. Lightning flashes everywhere and finally hits the lightning rod. At last Godzilla awakens and he looks pissed.
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Ryota and Yata leap from their boat and swim towards the island. Godzilla heads off to show barnacle boy what’s what.
Godzilla sends a boulder flying towards clam face but he bats it back. Suddenly a tennis match breaks out. When a boulder finally goes out of bounds it’s time for hand to claw combat. Godzilla gets the better of him and the great lobster takes off.
Ryota and Yata eventually find Yoshimura (Akira Takarada), Ichino and Daiyo. They decide to try and rescue Nita and the others. The military guys spot them and it chase time again. They split up and Daiyo runs straight into Godzilla. The bad guys high tail it out of there. Daiyo looks to be dead meat but lizard boy seems to be smitten by her. He gets tired and sits down to take a nap. A huge bird comes flying up and Godzilla makes quick work of it. Time to get back to that nap. Wait a minute, here comes the airforce. Now he’ll never get a nap.
The planes fire away, which only seems to make Godzilla mad. Daiyo and the others are able to escape. Yata and Yoshimura head off to try and rescue the slaves.  The jets are easily defeated and Godzilla heads for the base.
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They fire everything they have at him.  Despite their best efforts, Godzilla overwhelms them and begins smashing up the base. The military guys prepare to abandon the base. They set the self-destruct for a nuclear blast. The also grab the latest batch of fake potion the slaves have made and head for the boats. Yata and Yoshimura are able to free the slaves but the buildings are crashing down around them.

** Break
** Tom and Crow try to summon Mothra and it works.

The bad guys all board their boat and shove off. The giant lobster appears and quickly smashes the ship. Godzilla sees this and a rematch begins. The islanders prepare a net so Mothra can carry them away. The others try to disable the self destruct mechanism but it blocked by debris.
The lobster pulls Godzilla underwater and looks to have the upper claw but Godzilla fights back and breaks both claws off of the colossal prawn.
Meanwhile, Mothra awakens and flies off to rescue everyone.
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Godzilla thinks he is another challenger and tries start a fight. Mothra swats him away with his giant wings and swoops down and picks up the net with everyone in it. They fly away to safety as Godzilla jumps into the ocean just as the island explodes.

** Joel and the bots talk about mistaken movie lines and also show some entries in the “what were they looking at out the window” contest. Dr F gets really sarcastic with them and they complain about it. Frank thinks maybe they could take on a less hostile posture in the future. That’s not going to happen.

Akira Takarada appeared in six different Godzilla movies.
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Kumi Mizuno appeared in many creature features in the 1960’s and 70’s. image

Best Riffs

## Looks like Morton Downey, Jr., doesn’t he?
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## Could one of you guys get me a magazine? I’m gonna be here a while.
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## “It’s Hayley Mills, and Hayley Mills in– The Mothra Trap!”
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## “This better be good!”
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This movie is not nearly as fun as the last but the riffs are solid none the less.
3 out of 5