The Blade Master aka: Cave Dwellers
Joel and the bots decide what names they would like to have. Gypsy picks Stockard Channing. Crow – Jose Jimenez. Tom Servo – Sugar Magnolia. Joel goes with Chuck Woolery. Magic voice stays with magic voice. Crow changes his mind and switches to Alan Parsons Project. Tom quickly changes to Mr Tibbs. Gypsy, panicking, says Mrs Richard Basehart. Magic voice wants Vivian Banks. Joel puts a stop to the whole thing.
Down in Deep 13, Frank just wants to be know as Frank. Dr Forrester thinks the whole thing is idiotic. He won’t let Frank sing either.
For the invention exchange Joel makes an actual smoking jacket. Dr F and Frank demonstrate robot arm wrestling.
As the opening credits roll, two guys are involved in some sort of fight with some other people of some sort.
Then a clan of cave dwellers are having a bite to eat in a cave. Another group storms the cave and a huge fight begins.
The scene shifts to a large castle where Mila comes to see her father, Akronas, aka “The Great One”. He is an inventor and mystic man of sorts. His newest invention is some sort of gleaming thing which he says can be used as a weapon of sorts. It’s sort of confusing.
Apparently Zor, a former student, will use it for evil if he can get his hands on it. Akronas tells Mila that only Ator, another student, can be trusted with it.
Time for a flashback. It seems that Ator was born of noble birth during the age of the spider and was captured as a baby and everyone lived in fear and he later in life fought back and was wounded and they took his wife and he learned how to fight better and got a special sword and shield and fought the bad guys and rescued his wife and killed the giant spider. Later his wife died, so now he hides out with his mute Asian friend, Thong, and they do a bunch of exercises and other manly stuff.
Back in the present, Zor and his men head for the castle. Akronas sends Mila to find Ator. Zor’s men start to ruff up Akronas but he tells them to knock it off. Zor begins to sweet talk Akronas to try and soften him up.
Outside, Mila fights with some of Zor’s men. She is shot with an arrow but still manages to get away. She races on until she reaches Ator (Miles O’Keeffe) and collapses. He and Thong remove the arrow and nurse her wound.
Zor figures out where Mila is headed. He tell Akronas he his ready to confront Ator. Mila explains to Ator the predicament her father is in. Ator is not sure she is really Akronas’s daughter so he tests her. He locks her in a cage and she pulls a MacGyver to get out. Yep, she is the real deal. Ator knows all about the “geometric nucleus” Akronas has invented. The three of them head out to save the day.
Zor introduces Akronas to Sandur, his very own mystic man.
He instructs Sandur to use his power to stop Ator. He throws some powder in a bowl and it goes poof.
Ator and company are in the forest but there is a bunch of fog. With some of Zor’s men closing in, Mila gets lost. Ator and Thong go into a cave and are attacked by some invisible fighters. They get their buts kicked at first until they throw their capes of the inviso-guys and are able to kill them.
Mila finds the cave but she meets up with the cave dwellers from earlier. She fights them but they are able to capture her. Three of Zor’s men find the cave and are easily captured. They bring all four captors to the cave chief. They kill one on an alter and prepare to do the same to Mila when Ator finds them.
He does a little MacGyver work of his own and scares the bejesus out of everyone, rescuing Mila.
** Tom and Crow ask Joel why do all of the props in the movie have such colorful names. He explains that the movie had a low budget so they use that to make them seem better.
The two of them meet up with Thong and find another way out of the cave. Turns out this whole escapade was Sandurs doing. But the mystic failed to stop Ator so Zor has him imprisoned.
The three heroes continue on and are attacked by a band of sort of samurai fighters. A heated battle ensues and the good guys come out victorious.
Zor continues to talk nice to Akronas but it’s really kind of passive aggressive. Akronas keeps spouting jibberish which is really wearing on Zor.
It’s break time for the protagonists. Thong grabs fish out of the stream with his bare hands while Mila chats up Ator.
Later while sleeping, two travels from Sulachin show up, which just happens to be where Ator’s parents are from. The village is being controlled by serpent worshipers that need human sacrifices. Ator decides to go to the village to help. They arrive at the village and try to convince everyone to fight back against the religious group but it’s a trap. The village leader slips something in Ator drink and he passes out. Ator and Mila (Lisa Foster) are captured but Thong escapes. Ator is to be sacrificed to save the village. The serpent guys show up and go back on the deal. They decide to torch the village. They take Ator, Mila and a villager to be sacrificed. Suddenly Zor shows up. He gives the serpent leader some gold and five girls to sacrifice as payment for getting Ator. Then he heads off in search of fun. One by one they throw them into a pit until only Ator and Mila are left. Thong sneaks in and frees Ator just before Mila is cast in. A fight ensues but Mila is still throw in.
** Joel explains to the bots what a foley artist is and demonstrates some movie sounds effects.
Ator jumps in after her and fights the big snake stabbing it in the head.
They finally arrive at Akronas’s castle. Ator tells Thong and Mila to go in through the secret passage around back. He will keep Zor’s men busy himself. Some how Ator is able to fashion a modern day glider out of stuff he found nearby.
Away he sails. And sails and sails for what seems more like a sight seeing trip than anything else. Zor and his men all see Ator. Akronas tells Zor he taught Ator how to do that. Zor is sick of the old man and punches him right in the face.
Ator drops some homemade bombs he also had time to make on the bad guys. Mila and Thong fight their way into the castle as Ator lands on top of it. Ator finds Zor and a tremendous fight begins. Back and forth it goes but Ator is able to disarm Zor. Akronas tells Ator to spare Zor’s life and let the courts decide his fate. When Ator turns his back Zor grabs a sword and goes after him. Thong throws a knife into Zor’s back killing him.
Akronas gives Ator the geometric nucleus. Mila has to let Ator go so he can fight evil where ever it is. Ator takes the nucleus and destroys it in a nuclear blast. Ator then rides away.
Suddenly the two guys from the very beginning of the movie are back while the closing credits role.
** Joel and the bots are really pissed off at how bad the movie was. But what was worse were the huge continuity errors. Dr F and Frank don’t care. Remember, their evil.
Lisa Foster: although she appeared in a few other movies, she is best know for her visual arts work in movies and video games. She also worked on the digital restoration of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
This movie is really bad and down right silly. A perfect movie for the show. All the host segments were sharp. A great start to season 3
5 out of 5