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Episode 309

The Amazing Colossal Man
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** Joel is trying to get Tom and Crow to do their chores but they won’t come out of their clubhouse. The Mads invention is a plant that’s a music critic. Joel invents a tattoo that can be peeled off to make a new one.

A voice over explains that a plutonium bomb is about to be detonated in the Nevada desert. A group of soldiers are positioned in a trench near the site to find out what kind of effect it will have on combat troops. The timer goes off but the bomb doesn’t explode. The men are forced to hold their position. Just then a small airplane flies over them and crashes into the area near the bomb.  Lt. Col. Glenn Manning leaps from the trench to see if he can help the pilot. Just as Glenn is reaching the plane, the bomb goes off. The blast sears Glenn and his clothes.
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At the hospital, Glenn is in bad shape. He has third degree burns over his entire body. Waiting for him is his fiancée, Carol Forrest. A reporter strikes up a conversation with her. Turns out they were supposed to be married that day. Seems kind of odd that they would plan their wedding on the same day he is taking part in a military experiment, but there you have it.
Doctor Linstrom and the rest of the medical team don’t think Glenn (Glenn Langan) will survive but they bandage him up just as well. Of course the doctor isn’t so blunt with Carol. They wheel Glenn into a room and turn out the lights.
The next morning, they peak under his bandages and find that his skin is completely healed. The doctors are totally perplexed. Carol walks in and sees Glenn’s shiny new skin and is ecstatic.
The military and medical staff talk to the bomb developer to see if he can shed any light on this phenomenon. He is as clueless as everyone else. Dr Linstrom thinks that maybe the plutonium is what caused Glenn’s skin to grow back so quickly.

** Break
** Joel tries to get Tom and Crow to come up with some more sensitive ways to talk to Carol than the way the reporter did in the movie. Tom and Crow don’t seem to have a sensitive side. In fact, they say some insensitive things to Joel while they are at it.

The military decides to move Glenn and to keep Carol from seeing him. Carol is very confused by this. She goes to the hospital to see him but he’s not there. None of the staff seems to know where he is. Carol does some snooping and finds out where Dr. Linstrom is. He is at a rehabilitation center nearby. Carol (Cathy Downs) is able to slip into the building where she sees the doctor. Following him she find Glenn’s room.
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When the doctor leaves, she heads inside. She is stunned to see he has grow to twice his normal size. After letting out a scream she of course, faints.
Colonel Hallock and Dr Linstrom (William Hudson) tell Carol they were ordered to keep Glenn’s condition top secret so they couldn’t tell her anything. They then go into a long explanation about how the body is like a factory and Glenn’s is working three shifts including weekends. They need to figure out a way to get him to stop growing or he will die.
Then we see Glenn laying in his room.  He is having a dream. First a scene of he and Carol on a picnic. Glenn will be heading off to Korea soon and Carol is upset. Glenn tells her not to worry and gives her a big kiss. Now we see Glenn and another soldier in Korea. They are hiding behind a hill when two Korean soldiers attack them. Glenn survives but his buddy is killed. Then Glenn is back home. It’s another picnic and another kiss. Suddenly, Glenn is back at the bomb site. There is the flash of the explosion and then Glenn wakes up. He notices all of the furniture and everything else is small. He screams in horror.
The next day they let Carol see Glenn. She assures him everything will be alright. He’s not in a very talkative mood though.
The following day they set up a tent for Glenn to stay in. He’s now over 30 feet tall. They also bring in a large amount of beef.

** Break
** Joel pretends to be the Colossal Man while Tom and Crow play the medical staff and ask him questions. The questions are not very good, like “How many fish can you name?” The whole thing kind of falls apart after that.

A local newscast airs a report about the events surrounding Glenn’s accident. The public wants to know if he is alive or dead.
The doctors continue to run some experiments trying to figure out how to reverse Glenn’s accelerated growth. Dr Linstrom feels they should confine Glenn but he is so big now that it seems impossible.
Carol comes to see Glenn. The two of them sit outside talking but Glenn is really depressed.
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Carol tries to cheer him up but it’s no use. He is just sick of growing. He also doesnt believe the doctors will be able to help him. While sitting there Glenn seems to have some sort of pain. He tells Carol he is fine and walks away. Dr Linstrom walks up and tells Carol that she shouldn’t come any more but Carol insist Glenn needs her. Carol gives the doctor a ride back to the lab.
Glenn makes his way back to his tent. He tries to read a book but he can’t see the print. A sargeant comes in with his meal. As Glenn eats, the soldier takes out a newspaper. Glenn sees the headline, “Man lives through plutonium blast.” Glenn finds it funny and starts laughing. He then belittles and scares the sargeant who runs away in fear. Glenn starts having the pains again.
Back at the lab, Dr Linstrom shows Carol a representation of Glenn and how his heart isn’t growing as fast as the rest of his body.
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This explains why he is having the pains. His heart can’t take much more of this and eventually his will explode. He tells her she really should leave but Carol decides she is going to stay anyway.
Major Colton has been continuing the tests but he is getting discouraged. While walking around the lab, he and Linstrom talk about what to do next. Of course like any good research lab they have a camel and an elephant in there.
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That night Carol is awoken by Glenn’s painful cries. She goes to his tent to see if he is all right. He is pissed off about how horrible his life is. Glenn starts in on her like he did the sargeant. He tells her to leave and to never come back. Then he starts having more pain. The next morning Glenn has disappeared.
Meanwhile Colton (Larry Thor) has discovered how to stop Glenn’s growth. It has to do with his bone marrow. Linstrom is not convinced so Colton shows him the camel and elephant that he has shrunk down in the next room. Now he is very impressed. They just have to find Glenn before it’s too late. They take a couple of helicopters and fly out over the desert to look for him but they have no luck.

** Break
** Joel and the bots are looking out the window wondering just how big the colossal man will get. They agree if they ever met him they wouldn’t say any of those dumb big guy clichés like “How’s the weather up there.” Sure enough they run right into him.
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They ask him what he has been up to lately. He tells them some bit movie parts. Tom makes a crack about Las Vegas and the Colossal Man gets angry. Just when it looks pretty bad for Joel and company he starts having heart problems and has to go. 

Colonel Hallock asks Linstrom if he think Glenn is dangerous. He doesn’t know. Hallock isn’t taking any chances. He has sent more troops to the area with orders to stop Glenn if he acts aggressive. Carol overhears this and is shocked to say the least. Hallock assures her that they won’t do anything without cause.
Out in the desert, two men nearly drive into Glenn. Of course they are drunk and swear of drinking after seeing a giant.
Carol has a restless night trying to sleep. She finds Dr Linstrom. Again he insists that Carol leave. She can’t help him anymore and it’s not safe. Carol doesn’t want to leave.
The next morning Hallock (James Seay) and Linstrom give a briefing to the soldiers on what to do when they find Glenn. They have received reports of slaughtered cattle and they believe Glenn is near the southern tip of Nevada. Spotter planes and ground troops head out looking for him.
One of the planes locates Glenn outside of Las Vegas. Sure enough Glenn heads for the strip. As expected a 60 foot man gets a lot of attention.
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He stomps around the area while Linstrom, Colton and Carol fly towards him in a helocopter with the antidote in a huge syringe. Glenn rips the slipper off the Silver Slipper Casino. When a police officer fires a shot at Glenn he gets ticked off. He throws a palm tree and a car at the people that are watching all the excitement. More shots are fired and more throwing occurs. Just as the trio reach the city, Glenn heads for Boulder Dam. They are able to catch up to him before he reaches it. They quickly jab the needle into his ankle and inject the antidote. Glenn yanks the syringe out and throws it. It spears Colton, killing him. He then grabs Carol and starts walking across the dam. Linstrom is able to convince Glenn to set Carol down. When he does Hallock has his men open fire on him. Glenn is wounded and falls off the dam to his death

** Joel and the bots discuss how bad the movie was and what they would have done if they were that big. Dr Forrester tells Frank to push the button. The doctor has a tennis match with the Chirping Hell Beast but not before giving Frank an injection from a huge syringe.

Glenn Langan starred in Dragonwyck in 1946 with Gene Tierney and Vincent Price. He also was in The Snake Pit with Olivia de Havilland. He later became a successful real estate salesman. 
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Cathy Downs starred in My Darling Clementine and The Noose Hangs High with Abbott & Costello. She has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. In the 1960’s Downs became unemployed and in serious financial trouble. She died of cancer in 1976 at age 52.
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William Hudson also appeared in The She Creature and as the husband in Attack of the 50 Foot Woman. He was also the captain of the Seaview in the pilot episode of Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea. He died in 1974 at age 55 from cirrhosis
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Larry Thor worked in radio as an announcer and news reader in his native Canada and the US through the 1940’s before working in film. Thor began teaching in the screenwriting program at UCLA in 1968 until he died in 1976 at age 59
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James Seay was an character actor who often played government officials in movies and TV. He had a recurring role in The Life and Legend of Wyatt Earp.
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Best Riffs
## ‘Would you mind if i tried something on my own?’…’Oh,What is it?’ / “Oh! some Crystal Meth and a Leather Clown Suit!”
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## He’ll die of shock before morning. And if that doesn’t do it, infection will. 
And if that doesn’t do it, I will !
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## And this is why lawn darts were taken off the market, people.
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## How’s the tar heroin coming there?
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I really liked this episode. The movie is fun and I enjoyed the 1950’s special effects. It’s the right kind of movie for the show. 4 out of 5

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Episode 308

Gamera vs Gaos

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** Tom and Crow can’t stop talking like Lucille Ball. Magic Voice gets in on it also.
Dr. Forrester and Frank invented printers that you wear that show everyone what you’re really like. Joel made a fax machine that uses tissues as paper.

A news reporter says Gamera has returned after two years and has gone into an erupting volcano. Everyone is waiting to see what happens next.
Meanwhile a board meeting is underway. The new expressway, which runs near the volcano, is behind schedule and the boss wants to get things moving. He calls the foreman, Shiro Tsutsumi to get some answers. He doesn’t care about the volcano or the villagers that won’t sell their land; he just wants the job done. Shiro instructs his crew to get back to work.
A helicopter full of officials is flying over the volcano when suddenly a laser beam starts shooting out of the area. It hits the helicopter, splitting it in half.
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Nobody is sure where the beam came from but that’s not something Gamera normally does.
Shiro and some of the construction works run into a road block on their way to the job site. The farmers that have been holding out put it up and they come out to confront the men. Shiro tries to talk to them but they tell him wear to put it. A lady rides up on a bicycle and gets in the middle of the squabble. She convinces Shiro to take his men and leave. Meanwhile a local reporter has ridden into the area looking for information about the laser that took out the helicopter.
Turns out the farmers are just disrupting the construction with the hope of driving up the price for their land. The construction crew notices a glowing light coming from a nearby mountain. They go and investigate. The reporter also sees it. He runs into a little boy that shows him a way up the mountain. They find a cave with a glowing light coming from it. They head inside. They see something in the distance but before they can get a closer look the cave starts to collapse. The reporter high tails it out of there leaving the kid on his own.
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Reporter guy gets out safely but is then eaten by a large creature, aka Gaos. The kid eventually also gets out of the cave and runs into Gaos. Gaos has him cornered when out of the blue, Gamera shows up as well as the construction workers. Gaos snags the little kid then turns to face Gamera.

** Break
** Joel tries to demonstrate how to make a construction paper version of Gaos but Tom and Crow keep interrupting.

Gaos blasts several laser shots at Gamera seriously injuring his arm. Gamera rolls up on Gaos but he swats him away. In the process he drops the little boy on top of Gamera. The great turtle breaths fire at Gaos. The construction workers are watching the events unfold transfixed with fear.
Gaos backs off and Gamera, with the youngster on his back, flies away. He flies back to the village and the boy, Eiichi, is able to climb down to safety. Done being a hero, Gamera flies away.
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Eiichi is brought to a meeting of scientists and military personnel. They discuss Gaos and what they can do to destroy him. The military sends in a bunch of planes to try and bomb it but Gaos shots them down with his laser ray thing. Meanwhile Gamera is hiding out while his injured arm heals.
All the farmers’ cows and horses run away in the middle of the night. They seem to be spooked by something. It’s Gaos again. The next day the village leaders meet to decide if they should sell or not. They decide to let Eiichi’s grandfather negotiate for them. Meanwhile the scientists figure out that Gaos is nocturnal.

** Break
** Joel and the bots try to do a play based on the movie but with a Viking theme. Movie sign goes off before they can hardly get started.

Shiro (Kojiro Hongo) and a couple of the construction guys are still near the mountain so they keep watch for Gaos. Sure enough he pops up. The military opens fire on it with a bunch of tanks. Gaos flaps his wings and creates a huge gust of wind which blows everything away. He then flies into the city wreaking havoc.
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About this time Gamera finally shows up and a big fight starts. The sun starts to come up and Gaos breaks off the fight and heads for cover but not before Gamera bites off a couple of Gaos’s toes.
The scientists run some test on the toes and discover Gaos has a weakness. They come up with a plan to get rid of Gaos. If they can get him spinning around until the sun comes up, the UV light will do him in. They decide to use a rotating building to do the trick. They make some synthetic blood to try and lure Gaos into the trap.

** Break
** While Crow plays Ed Sullivan, Joel and Tom put on a plate spinning act that doesn’t go so well.

That evening Gaos comes out as expected. He starts flying around with such speed that he generates a tremendous amount of wind. Eventually he catches sight of the large amount of blood that the scientists set out in a huge bowl.
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Mmmm that’s good blood. Then the building Gaos is on top of starts rotating. This makes Gaos very dizzy and unable to escape. Oh no the power is starting to fail. Eventually the substation burns up causing the building to lose power and stops the rotating platform just as the sun comes up. Gaos is now really pissed off. He bashes in the building before flying away.
The villagers find out that the road is going to be moved to a different location. They are mad at Eiichi grandfather for telling them to hold out for more money. Now they are getting nothing. They demand that the old man do something about.
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Eiichi gets very upset and yells at the men the leave gramps only. They all feel ashamed for being so mean and leave. Eiichi then explains that Gamera would come back if they could build a large enough fire and it would weaken Gaos as well. The old man lets the powers that be know that they can burn the area around the villagers.
The construction crew gets to work cutting down trees and starting a fire. Gaos keeps putting out the flames but Gamera does eventually make an appearance. Then the final battle begins. Gaos blasts away at Gamera but the plucky little guy has learned from the previous fights not to stay in one place. Just when it seems that Gamera has the upper hand Gaos turns the tables. He picks up Gamera and drops him hard against the ground several times. As a last gasp Gamera throws a boulder and it lodges in bird boy’s mouth. image

Gamera then slams into Gaos and bites him in the neck. The sun starts to come up. This weakens Gaos even more so Gamera drags him into the volcano killing him. As Gamera flies away everyone celebrates.

** Joel and the bots try to come up with better ways of getting rid of Gaos, each one more outlandish than the next. Dr. Forrester and Frank have a few off their own.
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Kojiro Hongo: This is his second appearance on the show having also stared in Gamera vs Barugon in episode 304.
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Best Riffs
## Whoa, Cross-check, he’ll be in the box for two.
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## They must be at Six Flags over Osaka
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## The chief is calling you.
What, Sitting Bull?
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## How’s that pole coming, Mom?
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I’m not a big fan of this episode. The movie is really dull and hard to watch but the riffs save it some. 2 out of 5.