Episode 312

Gamera vs Guiron

** Tom and Crow are comparing what they have in their lunch boxes. Tom has a note from a mom in his box. Crow reminds him he doesn’t have a mom. Joel scolds them for using real food since it will get in their circuits . Crow says he was having American cheese and that’s not real food.
For the invention exchange Dr Forrester and Frank made ink blot tests for a psychology magazine. Joel made a collapsible trash can.

Scientists around the world have been picking up strange sound waves that appear to be coming from outer space. At a news conference a scientist is explaining what is going on. They think it may be coming from spacemen.
Later two boys, Akio and Tom, and Akio’s little sister, Tomoko, are looking through a telescope when they see a flying saucer. They think they know where it landed but Akio’s mother tells them they just imagined it and that it’s time for bed.
The next day the three of them ride their bikes to see if they can find the spaceship. They run into a police officer that lives nearby. He tells them to be good and some stuff but this takes way longer than is necessary so let’s skip ahead a little. They find the spaceship just where they thought it would be.

There is a door open on the ship so the boys go inside and have a look around. They sit down and suddenly the door closes and the craft lifts off leaving Tomoko behind. The ship heads into space and right into a bunch of asteroids. One of them is headed right at them. With no control of the ship they are doomed to die in space. But wait, it’s Gamera. He flies up and breaks the asteroid in half saving the kids. Yeah Gamera. He flies along with the ship on its unknown course.

** Break
** Joel and the bots sing a song about Gamera and throw in a few jabs at Dr Forrester and Frank while they are at it.

Gamera tries to stop the ship but it keeps going faster and faster leaving him behind.
Tomoko runs home to tell her mother what happened but she doesn’t believe her.
The spaceship has landed on another planet. The boys get out to see what’s up with this place. They see a monster fly over head.

It lands and starts blasting things with its laser blasting thing. The boys scramble for cover. Just then the ground opens up and another monster comes out. This one has a head that looks like a kitchen knife. The first monster fires his laser at knife head but he deflects the beam back and it cuts off its leg. The bladed one then makes quick work of the other one by chopping off its wings and then it’s head.  After that he returns to his underground hideout.
The boys decide to look around some more. They head into a building and ride a moving floor.

They meet two women who explain to them that the planet’s name is Terra and it is directly opposite of the sun from the earth. There names are Barbella and Florbella. They are the only two left on the planet and they use the blade headed monster, Guiron, protects them from the space gyaos.

** Break
** Joel tries to perform a magic trick. He is going to cut Crow in half using Tom’s head which has a big knife on it like Guiron. Suddenly the real Crow comes in from off camera and ruins the trick.

The girls explain that their planet is getting colder and colder and will soon freeze over. They are stuck living in the building they are in. The boys suggest they all fly back to earth on the ship they came on.
Meanwhile Gamera is still flying through space looking for the boys. He spots the other planet and heads for it.

The girls tell the boys to rest up while they get the ship ready, but it’s a trick. The ship will only hold two people. The girls use psychic powers to probe Akio’s mind and learn about Gamera and how he saves children. They also learn the boys are hungry so they plan on making them some donuts with sleeping power. When they fall asleep they will eat the boys brains. Wow that just took a weird turn.
Back on earth, Tom’s mother comes to pick him up at Akio’s house but Akio’s mother does not know where they are. She tells her about Tomoko’s story and how they are in space. They both assume Tom just wants to stay longer so his mother leaves. Unbeknownst to her, Tomoko has snuck into her car. She pops up from the back seat tells Tom’s mother her story really did happen. They find the cop from earlier and go to where the spaceship was before. Tom’s mom thinks it’s all nonsense but the cop tells Tomoko he will find her brother.
One of the girls brings some donuts and milk to the boys.

The boys gobble up the food and promptly pass out. The ladies put Akio in a sort of cone device and shave his head. Just as they are starting to cut open his scull an alarm goes off. It’s Gamera. The girls fire a missile at Gamera but as expected it has no effect on the turtle. They decide to send Guiron to fight him.
Gamera lands and the fighting begins. Guiron gives Gamera a nasty cut before getting thrown by Gamera. Gamera flames him but Guiron is able to shoot some ninja stars at him. Boy do those sting.

When Guiron tries a second volley, Gamera deflects one right back and into Guiron. Gamera breaks off the fight and takes a plunge into a nearby lake to try a heal himself.
The girls realize the spaceship was damaged during the fight. They decide to put off eating the boys brains for now and work on the ship.  Tom has awakened and over hears this. He wakes Akio and tells him about their plan. The two come to the conclusion they had better make a break for it. The girls spot them and give chase and eventually catch them. This time they put the boys in a cage for safe keeping.

Back on earth the moms and Tomoko are waiting around for the boys to return when a group if reporters show up asking Tomoko about the spaceship. The moms realize then that Tomoko’s story was real.

** Break
** Joel and the bots make a presentation about how the boy that plays Tom in the movie looks vaguely like a young Richard Burton.

The boys start hollering for Gamera hoping he will save them but he is still hiding out underwater. Tom has a dart gun. They try to fire a dart at one of the switches on the control panel to see if it will open the cage. He fires but the switch he hits opens the doors to let Guiron loose again.
The girls are on the ship and have got it ready to fly when they notice Guiron coming towards them. He is not happy about the way the girls have controlled him all these years so the two cannibals decide to take off for earth right then leaving the boys behind. As they fly away Guiron leaps in the air and cuts the spaceship in two.

Barbella is injured in the wreck. She asked Florbella to help her but Florbella tells her she is useless now and shoots her with a ray gun.
Guiron turns his attention to the buildings where the boys are trapped. He starts chopping away which causes them to start breaking up. The boys are able to escape their cage and then Gamera finally reappears. He and Guiron do battle again. Guiron gets him with the stars again but the boys help Gamera by trapping Guiron in his underground chamber.
Florbella makes it back to the control room and starts plotting how to get back at the boys. Guiron breaks out of his chamber and goes looking for Gamera who is back underwater. Guiron jumps in after him but Gamera turns the tables on him. He grabs Guiron, flies him high in the air and then jams his head into the ground.

Florbella gets some missiles ready to launch to destroy Gamera and the boys. Gamera grabs one missile out of the air while the other slams into the very building Florbella is in killing her. Gamera then hits Guiron with the missile he has to finish him off. Gamera picks up the severed spaceship and welds it back together. The boys climb in and Gamera carries them back to earth. On earth, Tomoko, the mothers, the press, some scientists and everyone else are waiting for the boys return. Gamera swoops in and safely returns the boys. Everyone is happy including Gamera.

** Joel and the bots sing the Gamera song while Frank and Dr Forrester have a lounge singer telling them amusing stories about famous crooners of old.

He also sings his own version of the Gamera song. Of course they have to kill him.

For most of the cast this was the peak of or only acting credit of their career.

Best Riffs

## Say! What a dish!

## Here comes Ole Flat-Top!

## Do you mind if I smell your daughter?

## It’s a giant #2 pencil.

(Joel trying to hold down the ship)

This is one of my least favorite episodes. Maybe it’s because it’s the last Gamera movie but I was really bored for most of it. The host segments were the only thing that saves this episode, especially Mike as the lounge singer at the end. 
2 out of 5.

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