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Episode 316

Gamera vs Zigra
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Joel and the bots are having a party complete with a Tom Servo root beer keg. They even have a Gamera piƱata. Magic Voice tells everyone what a great guy Joel is. It looks like she’s had a little too much root beer.
Dr Forrester and Frank invented the Three Stooges Guns. Joel turned Crow into a shish kabob.
Dr Forrester is really excited about this week’s movie. Joel tells him they already know it’s the last Gamera movie, Frank told them.
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Dr Forrester was not very happy with Frank.

A voice over explains that man has concurred space and established a lunar colony but it’s not all roses. They encounter a ruthless alien race know as Zigra. We then see them blast a few moon buildings with a laser from their spaceship.
On earth, we meet Helen and her big sister Margee. They are getting ready for school. So is Kenny. He lives next door. While this is going on for some reason we get to see killer whales at Sea World doing some tricks. It seems that Helen and Margee’s father is a biologist and he works there and so does Kenny’s father. The three children head off to school and we get to see more Sea World stuff. This time it’s seals. Looks like one if the dolphins has died and some scientists are going to figure out how it died.
Henry, Kenny’s father, and Tom, Helen and Margee’s father, are working along a shoreline and complaining about how polluted the water is.
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They hear a report over the radio of a large earthquake in the Indian Ocean. It reached magnitude 16 and was larger than the earthquake that hit Peru yesterday. The two decide to have some lunch. They walk to their boat but the lunch is missing. Helen and Kenny have eaten all the food and are hiding on the boat. Henry and Tom are not very happy but then they all see a spaceship out over the bay. The ship disappears under the water. The four of them head out in their boat to see what’s going on. Just about this time, Gamera flies over head. Suddenly some sort of beam comes out of the spaceship and whoosh, the little boat is gone. They end up inside the spaceship where a woman explains she is from Zigra, which is 400 light years away. They are way more advanced than the humans and she will prove it.
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She makes an announcement over all radios that she will create a magnitude 18 earthquake that will hit Tokyo.

** Break
** Tom and Crow have made a model of what the insides of Gamera looks like complete with game room, laundry and a place for Kenny to stay.

The earthquake destroys Tokyo. She explains that their planet was ruined by all of their superior science so now they need a new plant and Earth fits the bill. Besides we are just ruining the oceans anyway so they will live there and be the humans masters.
She orders the men to tell the world to submit to Zigra. When they defy her she puts them in a trance. Kenny and Helen run from her. Zigra lady suddenly stops moving. The kids grab their parents and get back in the boat.
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Kenny pushes a button on a control panel and the boat reappears on the water.
The Zigra master, who looks kind of like a shark, tells the women to get those meddling kids. They know too much. He orders her to kill them but leave everyone else for slaves and food.
With their fathers still useless, the kids are trying to get the boat to shore. They see a large tanker ship across the way. Before they can go to it the Zigra spaceship, which looks kinda like a shark, blows it up. Shark-ship then turns it’s attention to the kids boat. Thankfully Gamera flies in and saves the day. He picks up the boat and carries it to shore. Gamera flies away as the kids go looking for help.
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They come across a hermit. He tells them they are on Noah island. Luckily it’s pretty close to the Sea World center.
They make it back there and the military is interested in finding out what the kids know about Zigra but they really can’t tell them much so they turn to their fathers. They hook them up to all kinds of machines but they just continue to stay in a trance. With nothing else to do they decide to attack Zigra.

** Break
** Since everyone is really bored with the Gamera movies, Joel has everyone make a diorama if their favorite scenes from any of the Gamera movies.

The attack doesn’t go so well as Zigra wipes out the entire squadron. The military orders everyone to evacuate.
Meanwhile Zigra lady appears on shore. She is looking for those two busy-body kids. She finds a couple of young ladies on the beach and puts them in a trance. She takes the clothes off of one of them so she can fit in with all the humans. The clothes she took was the girls bikini.
We then get a long sequence were a hotel manager and the head trainer at Sea World argue over who gets to buy some fish. Eventually the trainer starts heading back when he stops and pics up Zigra lady on the side of the road. He takes her to Sea World and she starts looking for those darn kids.
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Realizing she is a little under dressed she trances a lady she encounters and takes her outfit. When a soldier stops her in a hallway she puts him in a trance. She finds the kids watching the news on tv. Before she can grab them the kids make a run for it. After a long chase they give her the slip. The two if them start hollering for Gamera to come a rescue everyone.
Sure enough Gamera comes flying in. He goes underwater to look for the Zigra ship. He finds it and gives it a good toss across the sea floor. Zigra fires it’s laser at him but Gamera ducks out of the way. He breaths fire at it then the ship actually turns into a giant shark like creature.
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No matter, Gamera flips it over, grabs it and heads for the surface.
Back at Sea World, the Zigra lady is still chasing those blasted kids. The trainer sees this but he is unaware who the lady is but he has a idea that may help the two fathers. Maybe their brains are working like dolphins. The scientist thinks he may be on to something. He yells into a transmitter and it wakes the men up. The two of them remember what happened to them and the Zigra lady. She has finally caught those pesky kids but the humans try the transmitter trick on her and she collapses on the ground. Turns out she is not from Zigra after all. Her name is Laura and she was a geologist working on the moon when Zigra attacked. She was put in a different kind of trance and made to do what Zigra wanted.
Now what to do about Zigra. Apparently he was able to get away from Gamera. Gamera has been put in a trance as well and is laying at the bottom of the nearby bay.
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Henry and Tom take a bathysphere down to see what they can do. They try sonar to wake him up but it doesn’t seem to be working. Somehow Kenny and Helen snuck into the bathysphere. Then Zigra shark ship boat thing swims by and clips the bathysphere and it starts to leak.

** Break
** Joel and the bots are back having more root beer and talking football when suddenly Kenny and Helen from the movie appear outside the ship riding on Gamera.
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They try to talk to them but it seems the two have never grown up and don’t really have anything to say.

Zigra scoops up the bathysphere, swims out to deeper waters and drops it on the ocean bottom. They contact Sea World and try to figure out how to get back to the surface. They only have an hour of oxygen left and the surfacing controls are not working. Zigra comes up to them and they shine the headlights on it. Zigra doesn’t like that so they radio Sea World and tell them they have found Zigra’s weakness.
Zigra tells everyone that they must surrender or he will destroy the bathysphere. Of course they surrender right away since those stupid kids are in there. Then Laura calls down to Henry and tells him to use his understanding of Zigra to defeat it. Henry seems to understand what she means, which is good since I don’t know what the hell is going on. They turn the lights back on but this time really bright.
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Zigra backs off but then shots it’s laser at them. The Sea World folks lose contact with the four of them. Looks like Zigra has won.
Everyone is pretty bummed as you would expect. Some sort of lighting storm passes over the area. This wakes Gamera up but it looks to be too late to save the four deep sea heroes. It has been hours since they lost contact. He finds the craft and brings it to the surface. They pull out the four corpses and set them stretchers on the ground. Wait, they’re not actually dead. The laser just stop their cellular activity. They figure electrical shocks should revive them like with Gamera.
Speaking of which, Gamera is back in the water looking for Zigra and this time he’s ready for that big fish face. Zigra gets in the first blow by slicing Gamera with his dorsal fin. The turtle fights back but Zigra keeps cutting him. But Gamera is just luring him in. When Zigra swims by again Gamera grabs him shoots straight to the surface. They fly high in the air before he drops Zigra on his head. Zigra stands up, wait how can he stand he’s a fish. Anyway Gamera throws a huge boulder at him and it gets stuck on his nose. The weight causes him to fall over. Gamera grabs another boulder and bangs out a little tone and the sharks fins. Then he dances around a bit before roasting Zigra with his flame thrower.
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While this was going on Kenny, Helen, Henry and Tom were all revived. Tom tells Kenny and Helen that we all need to do a better job taking care of the oceans.

** Joel and the bots each sing the Gamera theme song in a different style. Joel does a Rastafarian style, Tom does a hip jazz style, will Crow does a rap version. Even Gypsy does a opera version. They finish with a four part harmony style. Dr Forrester and Frank do a punk rock version.

“Helen, wake up!”
No! Are you kidding me? I was out of the film! Don’t wake me up!
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Hey I don’t find this funny. I got a meatball on my nose for crying out loud!
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Wow, Tokyo Disneyland sucks
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This movie is really bad even for a Gamera movie. The riffs are good but it’s still difficult to watch. 2 out of 5

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Episode 315

Teenage Caveman (With the shorts Aquatic Wizards and Catching Trouble)

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Joel and the bots are bored. It’s raining outside and there is nothing to do. Magic Voice recommends a few games but those won’t do. Joel suggests poker. Gypsy pops in and asks “what’s poker?” Joel and the bots are really perked up now.
Gypsy can’t keep a poker face so the game doesn’t go very well.
For the invention exchange Joel and the bots each come up with there own ipecac for when you have had to much to drink. Dr Forrester and Frank start fighting over who is going to present this week invention. Frank even pulls a knife. Eventually Dr Forrester gets the upper hand and uses Frank’s head to send the movie.

Aquatic Wizards
It’s a video for how people train to be in a water show in Florida. First we see some ladies demonstrate water skiing skills. Then it’s some youngster learning to ski for the first time. First the boys and then the girls. Next it’s tricks like the pyramid,
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plus a bunch of other boring tricks. The narrator then calls a Hispanic man a Mexican Jumping Bean and the whole thing seems to take on a bit bigotry.

Catching Trouble
First a narrator introduces us to Sport Life’s Ross Allen, a modern day Tarzan. He is headed off to the Everglades with his faithful Seminole Indian guide. Apparently he doesn’t have a name. It turns out Ross is just a poacher really. He is there to catch wildlife so they can be put in zoos around the country. First it’s a bobcat and then two black bear cubs.
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  Next he needs to get three rattlesnakes. He sets a fire to drive one out of some undergrowth. Wait, I was wrong. The Indian man does have name, Old Sour Puss. Well they bring all the days catch back to headquarters. You know it wouldn’t be the old south in Florida without there being an old black man as the caretaker.

** Break
** Joel and the bots do there own version of Catching Trouble but call it Catching Ross. They chop down the tree he is hiding in, then burn him with a flame, throw him in a bag and beat it with a hammer. Next they put a giant snake in the bag with him and drop it in a box.

A voice over tells the creation story, all the way up to the arrival of man.
A group of cavemen walk into their village carrying a deer they’ve killed. The villagers begin to gather around the men. One man asks a woman where is the boy. She indicates he is by the river. The man finds the boy, his son, and reminds him it is forbidden to cross the river. The boy doesn’t understand why. The other side has lush fields and abundant game while their side is almost barren. The man warns him about the god that lives there that kills all with one touch. They head back to the village.
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The boy (Robert Vaughn) is very confused. He does not understand why so many of the laws don’t make sense. A dark bearded man tells him that he should not question the law and that he will find no other answers here.
Later the man and his son prepare to make symbols for the next hunt. The boys family are the keepers of the symbols and have been so for generations. He asks his father about the god and what does he look like. He tells him he looks human like but with a skin that no spear can pierce and claws like swamp creatures. He tells his son not to wonder so much.
The next day a group of men go out for the hunt.
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They find a bear and kill it but not before it attacks the boys father (Leslie Bradley). They return to the village and the village “doctor” sews him up.
The boy is really bummed by all of this. The dark bearded man tries to convince him to cross the river and see what he can get for the village. The dark bearded man is just trying to get rid of the boy. The boy likes his blonde haired daughter and he doesn’t like the boy so much.
The boy is able to convince a few other youngsters to go with him to cross the river but a few more think they are fools. The boy and three others head for the river.

** Break
** Joel is about to show the bots some drawing when they notice something strange going on in Deep 13. Frank and Dr Forrester are still fighting. They fight over a gun, then a pair of scissors and finally they whack each other with giant mallets.
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Dr Forrester gets a cattle prod and puts down Frank but then he accidentally shocks himself.

The four wade across and start exploring. A giant lizard comes-a-calling as does an alligator with a fin on its back. The boy and one of the others for some reason throw their spears at them which of course does nothing. The other two high tail it out of there. With the animal fight over they join up again. One of them slips and falls into a pond. Apparently he can’t swim and the others are unable to save him. The two others head back while out hero stays to keep looking around. He kills a squirrel, builds a fire and starts to settle in for the night.
Just then the god that can kill with one touch strolls into his camp site. The boy tries to scare it away with the fire but it keeps coming. He runs away in fear. Unfortunately he smacks into a tree branch and is knocked out cold.
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Back at the village, the symbol maker has nearly recovered from his injuries. He asks his wife where is the boy. She tells him he crossed the river a while ago. The man then makes a plan to retrieve the boy.
Meanwhile the boy wakes up with one hell of a headache. He stumbles around for a bit carrying a stick. When he brushes against a tree branch the stick goes flying. Eureka! He invents the bow and arrow. Sure enough his first shot kills a deer.
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At the village, the father is all healed up. He sets out in search of the boy. He wades across the river while the boy carries the huge deer carcass towards the village. Little does he know but the deer is dripping blood which causes some not so wild dogs to start to track him. The dogs catch up to him just before his old man does. He drops the deer but one of the dogs goes after him. The man kills it with his spear. He grabs the boy and they start off for home.
Back at home base, the dark bearded man (Frank DeKova) tells everyone that the boy has broken the law and must be put to death. The father of course says poo poo to that. The people seem to agree so dark bearded man goes after the boy and a great fight ensues.
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Just when it looks bad for the boy, the clan elder puts a stop to the fighting. Everyone is ordered to shun the boy until he reaches manhood.
Some time later, the blonde haired girl is under a small water fall cooling off when our hero walks up playing a little flute instrument. She seems to like it. Dispite the fact she is not supposed to talk to him, she gets out of the water and they have a chat.
Suddenly there is a commotion from the village. Something is aproaching but no one knows what it is, so the dark bearded man of course says they should kill it. Turns out it’s a man on a horse.
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They have never seen a horse so they still fear it. The boy tries to calm everyone down but they start throwing spears at it. The man falls off the horse and the clans people chase the horse away. The boy tries to comfort the rider as he lays on the ground. Bearded guy forces the boy away. He kills the rider just as he starts to speak. The boys father says they should give the rider a proper burial.

** Break
** Joel explains how the bearded man is like the voice of caution and safety while the boy is the voice of progress and acceptance.

The clan has decided to take the symbol maker job away from the father. He tells the boy he will continue to follow the law and so should he. He tells him to wait until he reaches manhood and they will talk again.
Time passes and the boy reaches manhood. The clan elder (Robert Shayne) shows him the symbol that the gods have given them. It’s a meteorite. The dark bearded man, who is now the symbol maker, confronts the former boy about his questioning of things. The former boy tells the guy that one of them will be dead soon.
Blonde girl really takes a shine to our no long little boy. She thinks they should make a place of their own.
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He reluctantly agrees and sets to work but he can’t stop pining for the other side of the river. She tries to distract him be he is insistent on finding the god that kills with it’s touch and killing it. Finally he sets out for his destiny. Blonde girl (Darah Marshall) goes and tells his father what he is up to. He once again has to figure out how to get him back. If the others find out he will surely be put to death.
Man-boy makes it across the river with his father close behind. The dark bearded man of course figures out what is going on and gathers a group of men to go after them and kill them. Man-boy finds the god that kills with it’s touch just as his father catches up to him. His father tells him to kill it but man-boy wants to try to communicate with it. The posse from the village gets there just as the pack of wild dogs does as well. They start attacking the men. Bearded guy sneaks around behind the god and hits it in the head with a big rock killing it. Man-boy shoots the bearded guy with his trusty bow and arrow. Upon a closer look they figure out that the god was just an old man inside of some sort of protective suit.
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Man-boy finds a book inside the suit. It’s filled with pictures of everyday life in the world of the twentieth century. They all head back home realizing that their world has forever changed.
A voice then tells the story of the old man in the suit. He was working among a group of scientists when the nuclear war started. The suit he was wearing was a radiation suit. He was able to live a long time for some reason and had been watching the little clan. We then see the clan heading out to investigate the world but will they learn the lessons of the past or will this be the end.

** Tom and Crow are dressed up like the old man in the suit. Joel walks in and they start referring to him as the young one who is always wondering. Dr Forrester and Frank have patched things up between them but they are in pretty bad shape.
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Robert Vaughn is best know for his role as Napoleon Solo in The Man from U.N.C.L.E. as well as his roles in The Magnificent Seven, The A-Team and Bullitt with Steve McQueen
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Frank DeKova is best know as “Chief Wild Eagle” in F Troop. He also had roles in The Untouchables, and Gunsmoke where he also played an Indian.
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Leslie Bradley appeared in many small roles throughout the 40’s and 50’s
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Darah Marshall appeared in a few tv shows after this before leaving acting.
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Robert Shayne is best remembered for his portrayal of Police Inspector Bill Henderson in The Adventures of Superman.
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Best Riffs
## He’s posing for GQ. Grod Quarterly.
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## He’s eating a fudge sickle.
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## I brought diner, I hope you like sticks.
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## Marmaduke NO!!!
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This was a weird episode. The shorts were terrible and funny at the same time. The movie was really bad but had some very funny parts. Dr F and Frank’s fight was terrific. I’ll give this 3 out of 5.