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Episode 324

Master Ninja II


** Joel and the bots try a little improve but it doesn’t go so well. Frank and Dr Forrester invent the conveyor belt buffet while Joel and the bots make a self contained habitat for a gerbil. 

When we last left McAllister and Max, they were looking for Teri, McAllister’s daughter, in episode 322. Well, they are still looking for her. 

Now they are at a dirt bike track in Clearwater. Seems Max is a past champion at this track and he going to try and reclaim the title. He runs into an old friend of his, Hog. Also, there is a lady named Carrie Brown. She is also a biker and works at the local cannery. The cannery is run by Chad Webster. He is also a biker. Carrie doesn’t like him. 

The race gets underway and Max and Carrie are in the lead group. Carrie (Crystal Bernard) barely edges out Max for the win. 

Max tries to get a date with Carrie but she turns him down. 

The next day at the cannery, Carrie is handling out fliers about a union organizing event when Max and McAllister show up. Since Max didn’t win the race, he’s going to try and get a job so they can have some cash. 

While this is going on a large pallet of goods is being unloaded from a ship. When the crane malfunctions, the pallet lands on top of a man’s legs. Max and several others try to rescue him. McAllister saves the day by throwing one of his ninja gadgets, which cuts the cable, causing the pallet to fall into the harbor. 

After all the fun is over, Max asks Carrie out again. This time she agrees. She heads into the foreman’s office to complain about the accident. Nobody seems to concerned about the fact that one of their coworkers just had his legs crushed. Of course Carrie brings up the union again to the foreman. She storms out of the office just before Webster comes into the office. He wants Ralph, the foreman, to fire her but Ralph can’t because she is so well liked. 

McAllister and Max are at a hotel. Max is getting ready for his date when McAllister lays down on the floor. He looks as though he is dead and Max freaks out, 

but McAllister had just slowed his breathing and heart rate down. I’m sure this will come up again later. 

** Break 

** In honor of the custom van that Max drives around, the bots draw what they would like for a custom van. 

Max and McAllister go to the bar where they are supposed to meet Carrie. Webster is there also. Max sits down with Carrie while McAllister saddles up to the bar. Webster has a little talk with McAllister to try and persuade him and Max into leaving town. Sure enough a brawl brakes out and Max gets thrown through another window while McAllister is able to grab Carrie and sneak away. 

They give Carrie a ride home and she fills them in on how Webster has control over the town. 

Webster even had Carrie’s brother killed when he tried to get a union started at the cannery, but Carrie has been unable to prove it. 

Next morning at the cannery no one will talk to Carrie for fear of getting in trouble with Webster. He tells Ralph it’s time to get rid of Carrie. Max shows up and when Webster tears down a union organizing poster, Max gives him a little sass and out of the blue everyone is back to being on team Carrie. 

At the big meeting nobody is willing to sign the petition until, you guessed it, Max gives an inspirational speech, then everyone is begging to sign up.

McAllister is haging around outside Motel 40 Winks, when Webster and some goons try to pick a fight. Then presto, it’s Max to the rescue on his motor bike. McAllister hops on the back and the chase is on.

As expected, McAllister has a bunch of his ninja toys with him and they easily dispatch the bad guys. 

They track down Carrie at her place. It has been trashed by Webster. Time for Max and McAllister to go on the offensive, but not before Max gets a little action with Carrie. They break into the cannery, beat up a couple of guards and then find some files in Ralph’s office that could implicate Webster in the murder of Carrie’s brother. 

** Break 

** Crow does an impression of General Patton only it’s General Timothy Van Patten. 

One of the guards calls Webster and before you can says Bob’s your uncle, a couple of vehicles are following the M boys. One shotgun blast later and Max wrecks the van. He falls out and collapses on the ground. The bad guys grab McAllister but he’s dead or is he? Max comes to and takes off running. 

Thinking McAllister is dead they put him in a jeep. Webster wants to go after Carrie next but Ralph is steadfast against it. Webster reminds him about Carrie’s brother and Ralph falls in line. 

Max ran as fast as he could and gets to Carrie’s house to warn her but Webster and the other show up just as he does. 

The scene shifts to an old graveyard. They dig a grave and roll McAllister in. As they start to cover him up, Max starts going on about how Webster gets a thrill out of killing people. Webster shoots Max and Carrie. No wait, on the contrary he babbles on about stuff before deciding to shoot Ralph instead. Before he can though, McAllister rises from the grave and grabs him. 

A big fight ensues and the good guys win. 

Back at the cannery McAllister and Max bid Carrie goodbye. Max promises to come back and see her during next year’s race. 

Next, Max is flying a light wing aircraft. He is flying low over a sports car that is careening out of control on a curvy road. The driver, Alisha Clayton, grabs ahold of the plane

 and her car goes flying off a cliff before tumbling down and, of course, exploding. Max literally drops her down to McAllister, who catches her. Uh oh, it looks like our old friend Okasa is watching McAllister again. I’m sure we will see him again later. 

Alicia can’t stop thanking her saviors and invites them to a party. Seems her father is a senator and is throwing some sort of shindig. 

While this is going on, a bunch of people in military fatigues are plotting how to crash that very party. It looks as though they are planning on taking some hostages and holding them for ransom. The group is lead by Castile and Serena but they don’t necessarily see eye to eye. It looks like Serena is in it for the cause but Castile ( David McCallum) is just a hired hand. 

Now it’s off to the party. The good guys show up and Max locates Alisha and starts chatting. A man at the party spots McAllister and recognizes him. 

The man’s name is Mallory and he knows all about McAllister and his past. He is suspicious as to why McAllister is at the party. 

The bad guys crash the party using helicopters. They take Senator Clayton (Robert Dowdell), Alisha and several others hostage. Hey look, it’s Osaka again. He gives one of the bad guys a kick in the head and jumps behind some bushes. The bad guys take the hostages to the helicopters

 but Osaka decides to throw a ninja star at McAllister. He misses but McAllister grabs it and nails one of the bad guys before they can take off. This allows the senator to get away. As they fly away Mallory is able to stick a tracking device on one of the copters. He runs to his car and starts following them. 

Max and McAllister are arrested under suspicion of being involved in the hostage taking. They are taken to some sort of CIA command center for questioning. 

Mallory (George Lazenby) tracks down where the hostages where taken. He gets some pictures of the building and all of the guards before heading to the command center as well.  

The bad guys want a bunch of political prisoners released or they will kill the hostages. The CIA boss plans on attacking the bad guys before giving in to their demands. Mallory thinks that’s a bad idea. The boss says the only other alternative is finding a ninja. Wonder if they can find one?

** Break 

** Tom and Crow are arguing about why Max has a hamster, or is it a gerbil, and why it is or isn’t an appropriate pet for his character. 

McAllister agrees to go after the hostages but he does not want Max to go with him. He thinks he will just get killed, CIA guy (Monte Markham) agrees. 

McAllister goes back to the motel and gets his gear. As he prepares to leave, Okasa tries to sneak in and the two get into a big fight.

 McAllister uses one of his smoke bomb things and gets away. Max is released from custody and immediately goes looking for McAllister. 

McAllister and Mallory arrive at the hostage site. Ninja guy throws a grappling hook up over a wall and starts to climb. 

Some how Max figures out where the two if them are. It just happens to be close to where he left his light wing aircraft. Mallory starts to climb as Max takes to the air. Mallory makes it up the wall and he and McAllister start looking for the hostages, but the bad guys spot them on their surveillance cameras. Somehow Max is able to land in the courtyard of the place and no one notices him. McAllister grabs a bad guy and he tells him where the hostages are, but before he get to them, another bad guy knocks him out and captures him. 

Castile and Serena find out that the CIA are going to raid their hide out at dawn so they prepare to leave. They also prepare to execute the hostages with the first one to be Alisha. 

Mallory is eventually captured as well but old man ninja is able to escape. One of the bad guys starts to maul at Alisha (Jennifer Runyon) but then Max shows up. He kicks the guy’s ass and saves the girl.

 McAllister walks in and they free the other hostages. 

Castile is alone with Mallory. The two of them go way back so Castile wants to kill him himself, but first he wants to have a chat. This, of course, gives McAllister enough time to find them and kick Castile in the head. 

Max finds a large truck and loads all the hostages on board and they escape while Mallory and McAllister climb back down the rope. 

The cops and CIA show up and Max says goodbye to Alisha. 

He wants to take McAllister to Las Vegas and show him a good time but McAllister says they just had a good time and the credits roll. 

** Joel has made a Lee Van Cleef dress up doll complete with slimming ninja outfit. Frank wants to get serious for a minute and tells a story about watching Monte Markham in the tv show The Second Hundred Years and how he wants it to come back. Afterwards Dr Forrester crushes Frank’s scull. 

Lee Van Cleef was in episodes 311 and 322 

Timothy Van Patten was in episode 322

Crystal Bernard played Helen Chapel on the tv show Wings from 1990 to 1997 

David McCallum is best know as Illya Kuryakin in The Man From U.N.C.L.E. from 1964 – 1968 

George Lazenby is most famous for his one time role as James Bond in the 1969 movie On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. 

Monte Markham played Captain Don Thorpe on Baywatch from 1989 – 1992

 

Robert Dowdell played Chip Morton on Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea from 1964 to 1968 

Jennifer Runyon had small roles in Ghostbusters, The Falcon and the Snowman as well as a recurring role on Charles In Charge. 

Best Riffs 

## Bruce Lee Press On Nails

## Oh my aching neck  

## This guy’s got a knife in his didgeridoo

A solid episode to end season 3. Good riffs and a stupid movie. 3 out of 5

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​Episode 323

The Castle of Fu Manchu

** Joel and the bots sing a new song about the satellite of love. Joel forgot about the invention exchange so he didn’t have anything ready. Dr Forrester and Frank invented the stinky bomb in honor of the movie.

A voice over by Fu Manchu explains how his great new power will turn the tropical waters off of South America into ice. From his hideout, Fu Manchu and his henchmen man the controls of this…. whatever it is and cause an iceberg to crash into a cruise ship. The ship promptly sinks.

The scene shifts to an English countryside where two men are doing a little fishing in a stream. Unfortunately the fish aren’t biting. 

They take a break from angling to eat some lunch when a man on a bicycle rides up with a message for them. The two men, Nayland Smith and Dr. Petrie, need to return to Interpol right away. They take the next train back to London.

Fu Manchu (Christopher Lee) then delivers a radio message demanding total obedience to his commands or he will freeze the oceans. The team at Interpol can’t figure out where the message came from. They only have 14 days to figure it out or disaster will be fall mankind.

Next we go to Istanbul where Lin Tang, Fu Manchu’s daughter is on a boat where she meets a lady named Lisa.

 Lisa takes Lin to meet Omar Pasha. This all has to do with opium and Fu Manchu trying to control its supply. Apparently he needs it to run his ice making machine.

** Break

** Crow reads a letter he wrote about white actors playing none white roles. He is very distressed as are Joel and Tom. This really pleases the Mads.

Lin Tang and a group of men attack the castle of the governor with the help of Lisa and some of Omar’s men. The castle has a large supply of opium. They seize the head guy there and kill him. Fu then has all of Omar’s men killed but spares Lisa. In an attempt to not arouse suspicion, Fu sends out a message from the Governor’s office that the attack failed.

Back at Interpol, Smith (Richard Greene) and Petrie (Howard Marion Crawford) find out about the attack and quickly put two and two together. 

They try to contact a Dr. Heracles. He has done a lot of research on the whole thing that Fu has being doing. Turns out Fu got to him first.

The doctor is in a bed at the castle. He has a bad heart but Fu needs him to do some lab work. To save the doctor’s life, he plans on giving him a heart transplant.

Back in England, Petrie and Smith visit Dr. Curt Kessler and his wife Dr. Ingrid Cox. Kessler is Heracles heart doctor. The four of them decide to go to Istanbul and look for Heracles but before they can go, Kessler and Cox are abducted by some of Fu’s men.

** Break

** Joel and the bots try to do a sketch about them flying on magic carpets but Tom breaks down crying. The movie is so bad it’s having a terrible effect on all of them. Dr Forrester and Frank are very pleased with themselves.

Omar finds out that he has been double crossed and plots his revenge.

The two doctors are taken to Istanbul where Fu orders them to remove the heart from a healthy man and put it in Heracles so he can live. Kessler is not sure if he wants to do it. Fu tells him if he doesn’t he will torture his wife. To prove he is serious, Fu has a dam destroyed, killing a bunch of people.

Smith and Petrie also make it to Istanbul. Smith will try to sneak into the castle.

Kessler decide to do the operation. Somehow Fu has a state of the art operating room in the castle. Kessler and Cox perform the operation which takes hours to complete and is a success.

Smith bumps into Omar near the castle. They agree to work together to get Fu Manchu.

With the operation complete, Fu takes Cox away so that Kessler can just concentrate on Heracles recovery. They put her in a cell next to Lisa, who has been tortured.

** Break

** The bots are really distressed by how bad the movie is. Joel tries to cheer them up with some drawings about how Fu Manchu got his name but eventually even Joel can’t take. The Mads are delighted.

Lin Tang informs Fu that the guards have captured Omar. They bring him to Fu.

 They also bring Lisa from her cell. Omar tells him he wants Lisa returned to him. He also tells him that his men have captured Nayland Smith. Fu agrees to release Lisa but they can’t leave yet. Omar pulls out a knife and throws it at Fu but misses. Lisa gets away but Omar is captured. He tells them where Smith really is then Lin Tang kills him. Fu sends some men to attack the building he and Omar’s men are hiding in.

Heracles finally wakes up from surgery but he refuses to help Fu. Lin Tang tells Fu that Smith and the other men are dead. Fu broadcasts his finally ultimatum and announces Smith is dead. Dr Petrie hears this and is stunned. Fu eventually gets the formula from Heracles.

Smith, not really dead, swims his way to the castle.

The two doctors are in a cell together. Kessler was able sneak some acid from the operating room. He uses it the break the lock and they escape.

Smith finds Lisa and the two of them try to send a message to London on Fu’s radio.

 Fu figures out where they are and disables the radio. Lisa and Smith find Heracles but some of Fu’s men find them. Smith, with a little help from Lisa, is able to fight them off. They grab Heracles and escape.

Cox and Kessler are trying to escape through a tunnel when Fu starts flooding it with water. They are barely able to make it out.

Lisa, not knowing that Omar is dead, goes back to try and save him but she drowns in one of the tunnels.

For some reason everything starts to explode as Fu tries to escape. A voice over from Fu proclaims “The world shall hear from me again”.

** Joel tries to read a letter but just can’t. The Mads are toasting their success but Joel tells them they should try watching the movie. Frank and Dr Forrester start watching a clip from the film but quickly they run out of things to make fun of and start getting angry, so they shut it off. Frank says they would have made some funnier comments but the movie wasn’t any good. This cheers up Joel and the bots but ticks off Dr Forrester. Time to put Frank’s head in a wood vice.

Christopher Lee is famous for his many portrayals of Dracula and more recently as Saruman in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. He passed away in 2015 at 93 years old.

Richard Greene is best known for The Adventures of Robin Hood, a British television series which ran from 1955 to 1959. He died 1985 at 66 years old.

Howard Marion Crawford appeared in five Fu Manchu movies.

## Best Riffs
## Even the credits stink

## It’s “Run Away with the Rich and Famous”

## Ya know, I’m learning a lot more about this guy’s nasal hair than I ever really wanted to know

## Only you can prevent desk fires!

Wow this movie is bad. The camera work is terrible and almost nothing happens. And that doesn’t even cover Christopher Lee playing an Asian guy. There are some good riffs and Frank and Dr Forrester are great but they don’t save this one. 1 out of 5