humor

Episode 411

The Magic Sword

Joel fancies himself a character artist. He makes drawings of each of the bots but they are not impressed with the results.
For the invention exchange Joel and the bots make hat caddies for spring water bottles. The mads make bio hazard waste throw pillows.

The Magic Sword

Sybil, an elderly sorceress, is working around her little cottage and musing about what to do with her foster son George. His royal parents died in a plague. Seems George has fallen in love with the Princess Helene and spends most of his days daydreaming about her. He uses a magic pond to spy on the princess which is not creepy at all.
The princess is not particularly happy at the moment. Since she is a princess she has no say over whom she is to marry let alone being able to date. To try to feel better, she goes for a naked swim in the royal swimming pool. Afterwards an apparition of a woman appears and just like that she is kidnapped.
Luckily George just happen to be watching the whole thing in his magic pond, which is again is not creepy just fortuitous. He rushes in to tell Sybil what happened. Not quite believing him, Sybil checks with her magic mirror to get the 411. Sure enough it’s true.
At the palace, panic has set it in. They put the whole place on lock down until she is found. All of the sudden in walks the wizard Lodac. He tells them to call off the search as he has the princess in his castle.

The back story is that his daughter was put to death for witch craft when she was eighteen, so now that the princess has reached that age, Lodac has snatched her to feed her to his dragon in seven days time. Sir Branton, one of the king’s knights, declares that he will rescue the princess. Lodac warns him that he will not survive the journey as there will be all sorts of nasty stuff along the way. Lodac then turns into a bird and flies away.
George wants to go and rescue the princess but Sybil tells him that he isnt ready yet to face Lodac as his magic is way too powerful and George is too young. So he reminds him of how she found him when he was only 1 month old after his parents died. Seeing as how the foster parent system didn’t have as much red tape back then, she just raised him as her own for the past 20 years.
George is pretty bummed out about not being able to go, so Sybil tries to cheer him up. She shows him the gifts he will receive when he turns 21. They include a magical stallion, a impenetrable suit of clothing and a magic sword.

George is suitably impressed, but there’s more. He will also get 6 frozen knights that will follow his commands.
Sybil lets George handle the sword for a bit. He taps it on the ground and a secret doorway opens in the floor. It leads to a room that Sybil’s brother used to keep stuff in. Sybil and George head into the room but then George pulls a fast one. As soon as she is in the room he taps the sword on the ground closing the door and trapping Sybil. He tells her he will let her out after he rescues the princess.

## Break
## Joel has the bots dressed up like dogs and they do a commercial for Basil Rath-Bones

George presents himself to the king to get his approval to rescue Helene. Sir Branton dismisses George and company since he has already pledged to rescue the princess. George gives him a little sass and Brandon is ready for a fight. He draws his sword a takes a swing at George but when his blade hits George’s clothing, it breaks in half. The king is mucho impresionado and decides to let the love struck youngster and his rag tag team help in bringing back Helene (Anne Helm). Of course the one who rescues her gets to marry her as well. Remember the princess gets no say in all of this.
Speaking of the princess, she is placed in a dungeon in Lodac’s castle. There are two other princess in there already.

They both have been there for seven days already and know that feeding time is drawing near. Lodac and a couple of guards come in a take the girls away since their father would not pay the ransom. Helene asks Lodac what is her ransom. He tells he did not ask for one, he just felt like taking her. She knows her father will send an army to retrieve her. Not really, Lodac informs her, just one knight, Sir Branton. He also mentions that George and his knights are tagging along. Helene knows Branton but has no idea whom George is. Lodac (Basil Rathbone) uses some magic to show her where George is.
The company has reached the first of seven curses that Lodac has put in their path. It’s an ogre. George and the knights attack and are able to get a few spears jabbed into him. The ogre is still able to kill two of the knights however. George then rides around the brute as fast as possible. This causes the ogre to get dizzy and drop to his knees. George finishes him off with a sword to the chest.
Helene is very impressed and is sure George will come and rescue her. Lodac scoffs at her, then he reminds her there are six more curses to go.
Branton, George and the remaining knights reach the second curse, it’s a swamp.

There is so much fog that the group get partially separated. One of the knights falls in to the nasty bubbling swap water and it starts to pull him under. Grorge (Gary Lockwood) finds him and tries to pull him out but Branton sneaks up from behind and kicks George into the water.

## Break
## Joel and the bots put on a pageant based on the middle ages but Tom takes it way too seriously. He spouts on about despotism and serfdom which just annoys everyone. Crow swats him with his sword.

George is able to escape with the help of his magic sword but his compatriot is not so lucky. The rescuers continue on.
Back at the cottage, Sybil has finally figured out how to get herself out of the basement. She uses her magic mirror to check on George’s progress. He and Branton are having a little disagreement. Branton thinks he and George should continue on alone but the remaining three knights vow to stay the course.
The next morning, Branton sneaks away to a little cottage. Well guess who’s there? Lodac himself. Seems Branton has Lodac’s magic ring. The whole kidnapping of Helene was a deal the two had struck. Branton would get to rescue the princess in exchange for the ring. Lodac is growing impatient and wants the ring back now but Branton knows Lodac can’t harm him as long as he has the ring.
Just then, one of George’s knights happens upon the building. Lodac uses his magic and suddenly there is a fair maiden outside to distract the knight from investigating the hut. Just like that the two of them are having a roll in the hay. And just like that the maiden turns into a disgusting old hag.

She starts attacking the knight when George shows up. He uses his magic shield, which has a cross on it, to make the nasty looking lady disappear.
George and the knight go into the building and find Branton. They demand to know what he is doing there. He says he was doing a little scouting ahead and the buildings upper floor gives him a better vantage point.
Lodac realizes the George is using magic to evade the curses. He quickly figures out it’s Sybil that has been helping George. Lodac appears in Sybil’s magic mirror. He insults her looks and then her magic skills. He tells her he will kill George and then he jams her magic mirror so she can’t see what’s going on anymore.
Feeling rather insulted by Lodac, Sybil tries to whip up a potion to give George even more magical powers but she is way too rusty and accidentally strips George of all his magic.
Meanwhile Branton, George and the knights continue on. Two of the knights have gone ahead of the others to scout out the area. The temperature starts getting extremely hot. So hot in fact, that the two knights that went ahead get scorched to death. George and the only remaining knight notice that Branton isn’t even sweating. When confronted about it, Branton rides off with the other two right behind him.
Branton rides into a cave. The horses of George and the last knight refuse to go inside. On foot, George and the knight start searching for Branton. Suddenly he appears behind them. He spills the beans on working with Lodac and then leaves the cave. George starts to give chase but the cave entrance disappears trapping him and the knight inside.
George tries to use his magic sword to open the doorway but it doesn’t work. They start looking for an alternate way out. A bunch of ghost like figures start chasing them. The last knight gets overcome by the ghosts but as a result he is able to open the doorway, allowing George to escape. Now George is completely on his own. Of course Lodac and Branton saw the whole thing while looking in a magic fire place. Sure, why not.

## Break
## Crow starts singing a song about Kim Catrell but then mentions how he is over her and now it’s all about Estelle Winwood.

George makes his way to Lodac’s castle, walks right inside and finds Helene in the dungeon. She can hardly believe her eyes.

She and George start kissing, then begin heading for the exit. Quickly, they are captured by Lodac. Branton (Liam Sullivan) walks out and takes Helene who is suddenly quite smitten with him. Lodac reminds Branton to give him the ring. When he does, Helene turns into the old hag and Lodac turns his evil magic on Branton. With a flash Branton head is mounted on the wall. Then Helene appears next to Lodac. He orders his hench men to take her away and tie up George.
Sybil (Estelle Winwood) has not given up yet on helping George. She racks her brain trying to think of the correct spell. She decides to go to the castle and see if she can remember it when she gets there. She turns into a dove and flies off.
At the castle, Lodac take Helene to see George, whom he has strung up. He lets the young couple have a kiss before dragging Helene away. He has her tied up just outside the window where George is being held so he will have to watch the dragon devour her.
Meanwhile, a group of people that Lodac had shrunken down to miniature size decide they have had enough of Lodac. They escape from the cave they were held in, find George’s sword and sneak into his cell. They use the sword to cut George’s bindings. Now free, George takes the sword and heads to the rescue.
Lodac takes his position high above so he can watch the dragon make quick work of Helene. Uh oh, it’s a two headed dragon.

George gets his horse, grabs a nearby spear and rides into the dragon’s lair. And the battle is on.
Sybil flies up, turns her self back into a person and walks over to Lodac. He is feeling pretty cocky so he again mocks her. George is trying to hold back the dragon but it knocks him off his horse. Suddenly Sybil remembers the proper spell. She recites it and George has his magic back again. He takes care of the dragon in short order.
Lodac is stunned. While he is distracted, Sybil slips his magic ring off of his hand. Victorious, George releases Helene.
Lodac is not finished yet though. He proclaims that George may have gotten passed all six of the curses, to get this far, but he himself is the final curse and he doesn’t plan on losing. He causes a bunch flashes of lightning and talks really loud but Sybil transform her self into a panther and kills him.
Some time later, the king presides over the wedding of George and Helene and in attendance are all six of George’s knight buddies. Sybil used Lodac’s ring to bring them all back. The two love birds kiss as the movie ends.

## Tom is confused about how they were able to say curse words on TV. Joel explains the difference. The bots then think of a bunch of sort of curse words. Down in Deep 13, Frank seems to have been exposed to too much of the biohazard pillows as his head is now just a skull.

Cast

Basil Rathbone is best know for his fourteen portrayals of Sherlock Holmes in the 1940’s. He appeared in over 70 films throughout his career.

Estelle Winwood was am accomplished stage and film actor She acted well in to her 90’s, passing away in 1984 at the age of 101

Gary Lockwood played Lt Cmd Gary Mitchell in the Second Star Trek piolt episode and Frank Poole in 2001 a Space Odyssey.

Anne Helm is best know as the love interest of Elvis Presley in his 1962 film Follow That Dream.

Liam Sullivan played many villains through his career including Brother William, an LSD proponent, in Dragnet

Best Riffs

** Petticoat, Dungeon.

** [Mount your horses, gentlemen.]
We’re not THAT lonely!

** He deep-fried his sword! It’s got a crispy coating!

A fun episode with a movie that at least has a decent plot. 3 out of 5

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s