humor

Episode 409

The Indestructible Man

Joel is a little freaked out. Tom sounds like Crow and Crow sounds like Tom. Even Gypsy and Magic Voice voices have switched. Turns out Tom and Crow were just pulling a prank on Joel. Frank and Dr Forrester are entertaining celebrities. Well at least the say they are since you can’t see any of them. For the invention exchange they have invented nothing. Well at least nothing they can show anybody. Joel and the bots invention is novels on the back of cereal boxes.

First up another chapter of Undersea Kingdom.

When we last saw our intrepid explorers in episode 406, Crash and Billy were trapped at the top of a cliff that the robots were destroying. Well they weren’t all that trapped after all as they just jump down the back of the cliff to get away. They retrieve Diana and the Professor and make their escape. Before long a group of white robe soldiers intercept them. Figuring they are agents of Unga Khan they take them prisoner.

The Indestructible Man

A voice over by Detective Dick Chasen starts things off. He explains how this is all about Charles “Butcher” Benton (Lon Chaney, Jr.) and his being put to death the next day. Benton is in his cell talking to his attorney, Paul Lowe. He believes his attorney double crossed him along with his co-defendants, Squeamy Ellis and Joe Marcelli. Benton has hidden his share of the money they stole and won’t tell anyone where it is. Despite his impending death he tells the attorney he will kill him and the other two.

The next day Chasen is in his office when Capt. John Lauder comes to see him. With Butcher being put to death he his closing the case and reassigning Chasen to something else. Chasen is sure there is more to the story and vows to keep working on it on his own time. Chasen goes to see Eva Martin, a local dancer and a friend of Benton’s. He figures he will ask her one last time about the stolen money but she insists she had no idea where it’s at. She leaves her dressing room to go perform.

Chasen leaves but then sees Marcelli go into her dressing room. When Eva finishes she meets Marcelli. They hear on the radio about the Butcher being executed soon. This makes Eva (Marian Carr) very sad and she retrieves a letter Benton sent her with instructions to open it upon his death.

Just then she is forced to go back onstage for one final number. Marcelli opens the letter when she leaves and finds a map of the sewer system with an X on it. He takes the map and puts $50 in the evelope before Eva can return.

** Break

** Joel and the bots put on a parade of the Undersea Kingdom.

That evening, after Benton has been put to death, Dr. Bradshaw, a biochemist, is in need of a dead body for some cancer research. Sure enough his assistant (Joe Flynn) is able to get Benton’s body for the experiments. They make a few preparations then zap his body with a great jolt of electricity, as any self-respecting researchers would. This gets Benton’s heart and lungs working again. Next thing you know he’s up and moving around but he is unable to talk. He is also a little ticked off about being dead. He starts tearing up the office but Dr Bradshaw is able to get him to sit down.

Bradshaw tries to get a blood sample from him but the needle is unable to pierce his skin.

Benton realizes he is indestructible and chokes both Bradshaw and his assistant to death at the same time, then leaves the office.

Chasen decides to pay a visit to Eva and convinces her to grab a bite to eat. They go to a drive up hamburger joint and start chatting it up. Chasen (Casey Adams) tells her how he became a cop and Eva explains how she came to know Benton and got her job at the burlesque house. Afterwards Chasen takes her home.

Meanwhile Squeamy meets with Lowe, who has a safe cracking job for him if Squeamy can stay off the booze long enough.

** Break

** Joel and the bots talk about what they would do if the were indestructible. Each idea seems to be rather painful unless you were indestructible.

Benton wonders through the woods until he comes to a road. He steals a car which gets the police involved.

They set up road blocks and eventually he encounters one. Being indestructible and all, he just gets out and beats up the officers in spite of receiving several gunshots. He continues on driving towards Los Angeles and his chance for revenge.

Chasen and the rest of his department are put on 24 hour duty, figuring this new maniac is headed their way.

Benton makes it to LA and heads straight for Eva. She of course is stunned to see him. He’s pretty mad when he realizes the map is not in the envelope he left for her. He storms away with plans to look for his former partners. Eva calls the police, then calls Squeamy to warn him. Of course no one believes her but she leaves a message for Chasen anyway.

Eventually Chasen gets the message and heads to the dancehall to talk to Eva but she has left to try and warn Squeamy. Benton gets to Squeamy first but he skedaddles down the fire escape. Benton starts to leave when suddenly Marcelli shows up. Benton throws him down a flight of stairs.

Next he goes looking for Lowe. Benton gets to Lowe’s office but he is not there. Someone else shows up though, Squeamy. Benton throws him off the fifth floor balcony.

By now the police have figured out about the doctor and his experiments and also how Benton’s body never made it to the morgue. More reports of people being thrown to their death come into the police. They are getting desperate to stop him now.

** Break

** Joel tries to do the close-up camera shot that the movie uses of Lon Chaney’s face. Of course, Tom and Crow get in the way.

Lowe (Ross Elliott) figures out he is next, so he punches a police officer to get himself arrested, that way Benton can’t get him if he is in jail. Instead, Chasen and Capt Lauder decide to let him go with hopes that he will be so scared he will tell them all about the previous robbery they committed with Benton. Sure enough it works, as Lowe starts singing like a canary. He also tells them how Benton uses the sewer system to hide from the police.

Using this information, the police stake out manhole covers in the city waiting for Benton to show himself. Chasen, Capt Lauder and several officers head into the sewer to hunt down the Butcher.

They bring a flamethrower and a bazooka to try a finish him off.

Benton makes it to the stash of money he hid in the sewer system just before he is spotted by the police. They fire a bazooka round at him and it hits him square in the gut. Being indestructible, it just bounces off, but it does hurt him. He hurries away but runs into another group of officers and they turn the flamethrower on him. Now badly scorched, Benton climbs up through a man hole that leads inside an electrical substation. He’s followed closely by the police.

Struggling to see because the flames damaged his vision, Benton ends up on a crane, which he accidentally activates. With the police watching, the crane rolls into one of the high tension power lines zapping Benton with a lethal dose of electricity, putting an end to his rampage.

The next day, Chasen finishes up his report on the case. He gets his boss to give him some time off so he goes a picks up Eva and takes her for hamburgers again. After all of the excitement of the last few days, Eva is not sure what to do next with her life. Chasen took care of that. He tells her he got her fired from her job. When she asks why he tells her being his wife is going to take up too much of her time. Eva says yes as the movie closes.

** The bots make Joel sign a contract that he will not make an more cop and donut jokes ever again. Down in Deep 13 a couple of cops just happen to be there. They concur about the donut jokes being hackneyed.

They then give Dr Forrester and Frank a citation for their party being too loud.

Lon Chaney, Jr. Is best know for his numerous roles in horror films like The Wolf Man, The Ghost of Frankenstein as well as several mummy movies.

Casey Adams appeared in many television shoes and movies from the 1940’s through the 1970’s. His best know roll was that of Ray Cutler in the 1953 film Niagara

Marian Carr had a small uncredited role in It’s a Wonderful Life.

Ross Elliott is best know for his roll as the sheriff in the TV series The Virginian.

Joe Flynn is best know as Captain Binghamton from McHale’s Navy and his numerous roles in Disney movies.

## Best Riffs

## Alright Talk!!!

##”Who in their right mind would believe a man came back from the dead?” “Uh, millions of Christians.”

## Clang, clang, clang went the trolley… -Plod, plod, plod went the plot

I liked this episode. The movie is really dull but it a fun film noir with some great riffs. 3 out of 5

humor

Episode 408

Hercules Unchained

It’s annual wash and wax day on the SOL. Joel loves this day but Tom and Crow don’t. Afterwards Tom really likes being all squeaky clean but Crow is still really upset.
The Mads invention is decorator roaches. They had some help catching roaches from an exterminator who just happens to be Steve Reeves. 

Joel and the bots invention is the Steve-a-meter. It checks if your ideas have already been thought of by Steve Allen. Frank and Dr Forrester get into a fight so Steve Reeves has to send the movie.

Hercules Unchained

A Greek ship rows ashore at Attica. Hercules has returned with his new wife, Iole. They are headed to Thebes, accompanied by a young man named Ulysses. They load up a wagon with supplies and gifts from the crew and ride away.
Along the way a group of soldiers ride past the wagon heading towards Thebes. This puzzles Hercules so he chases after them. Ulysses tells him he should slow down. Hercules (Steve Reeves) not only slows down, he decides to take a nap in the back of the wagon, letting Ulysses do the driving for a while. Iole sings a little tune while Hercules drifts off.
Down the road a ways, they run into the gigantic Antaeus. He will not let them pass through without some sort of payment. He threatens to take the horses and any valuables they have. Iole tries to get Hercules to wake up and help them but he refuses. Antaeus goes to the back of the wagon and tells him he is going to take Iole  with him. Hercules doesn’t seem to care until Antaeus touches him. Hercules jumps from the wagon and they begin fighting. 

As expected, Hercules wins the battle.
They ride on a little further and it starts to rain. They find a grove of trees surrounding a cave and head in to get out of the rain. There are a few soldiers there and when they go inside, Hercules spots a familiar face. It Oedipus, the ruler of Thebes, or at least he was. Seems his sons, Polynices and Eteocles, forced the old man to give up the throne and the two of were supposed to share it. After one year Eteocles was due to let Polynices be the leader but has refused to follow their agreement. Hercules will go to Thebes and convince Eteocles to honor the bargain.

** Break
** Gypsy has built a Greek style set for Joel and the bots. She comes out dress as the ideal Helenistic woman and begins to sing and play the harp. Joel and the bots aren’t sure what to make of it.

The next day, Hercules leaves Iole at his home while he and Ulysses head into Thebes with a parchment scroll from Polynices to give to his brother. Along the route the big guy starts getting hungry so they stop at another small cave and Ulysses goes to hunt a pheasant. Hercules gets a drink of water from a spring flowing out of a rock. Unfortunately, it is the waters of forgetfulness. 

After a moment Hercules starts getting dizzy and the horses get spooked and run off.
Meanwhile Ulysses has bagged them a meal. Suddenly the horses go running past. Alarmed by this, he heads back to the cave but not before dropping the ever important scroll.
Dazed and confused, Hercules starts hearing a woman singing. Ulysses makes it back to Hercules but he can’t hear any of the singing. Hercules looks for the voice but eventually he passes out. A group of soldiers shows up and take Hercules and Ulysses, who is pretending to be deaf and mute, prisoner. The soldiers take them to Queen Omphale of Lydia.
Omphale has a little game she is running. She uses the waters of forgetfulness to capture unsuspecting men and have them fall in love with her. When she tires of them she has them killed and gets a new one.
Hercules awakens and can’t remember a thing. Omphale (Sylvia Lopez) tells him he is the king and her husband. Hercules thinks the whole idea is pretty sweet and instantly finds Omphale very attractive.
Back outside of Thebes, Iole is getting anxious. It’s been three days and no word from Hercules yet.
Meanwhile Hercules is really enjoying himself. Ulysses is giving him a massage and serving girls are giving him food. Ulysses notices they are giving him some of the Waters of Forgetfulness. He spills the water and gets him some non tainted water.

 Ulysses breaks his act and tells Hercules his real name. He also tells him about Iole and the mission to Thebes. Hercules doesn’t believe him. Just then Omphale comes in and the conversation stops and Ulysses goes back into character.

** Break
** Joel and the bots try some of the Waters of Forgetfulness as well as the Carrot Shake of Pretentiousness, the DQ Blizzard of Loneliness, the Fruit Stripe Gum of Stability, and the Green Bean & French Onion Casserole of Happiness.

Iole tried to find Hercules, but Eteocles’s men found her and brought her to him. Eteocles figures that she and Hercules are plotting against him with his brother. He has her arrested and threatens to arrest anyone plotting against him. 
The next day Ulysses is giving Hercules another message. He keeps him from drinking from the bad water. He also tells him about how Omphale kills off her lovers when she tires of them. Hercules is starting to remember but is still not sure if Ulysses is telling the truth.
Later he is making out with Omphale when they are notified that a group of sailors from Ithaca have arrived and are seeking shelter for a few days. Hercules is really annoyed by this but Omphale most go and great them. She takes notice of one of the younger crewmen and starts looking at him as a replacement for Hercules.
Speaking of the devil, Hercules comes barging in demanding that Omphale return to him for some more fun stuff. Several of the men from Ithaca recognize Hercules. He doesn’t recognize them so they drop it.

Polynices has grown tired of waiting. He figures Hercules is working with his brother  so he decides to attack the city and take the throne. Of course Eteocles is preparing to defend it.
Over in Lydia, Omphale is messing around with her new friend but he is no dummy and has figured out what she is up to. Just then Hercules comes in and he has regained his memory. Omphale agrees to let Hercules leave with the rest of the Ithaca sailors but then changes her mind and orders her men to kill them. Time for Hercules to do some damage. He starts lifting heavy objects and throwing them at the soldiers. He and the rest of the Greeks are able to escape to their ship and sail away. Omphale, who was really in love with Hercules, is so distraught at his leaving that she kills herself.

** Break
** The bots try to get Joel to explain what Hercules and Omphale are doing after they snuggle and kiss. Joel is a little uncomfortable and tells them he is her live in dentist but the bots ain’t buying it.

Polynices and his men arrive at the main gate of Thebes but Eteocles has a surprise for them. He has several women captives that he has accused of being loyal to Polynices killed in front of them.

 He also says he is going to feed Iole to the tigers if Hercules tries to save her. Polynices and his men back away from the fight.
Hercules finally makes it back to Thebes and sees what Eteocles has done. He decides to sneak into Thebes to rescue Iole. The men from Ithaca agree to help. Meanwhile Eteocles sends Polynices a note. He challenges him to a duel to settle who the ruler of Thebes should be.
Herc and the boys make it inside Thebes. He gets trapped in an arena and a group of tigers are set loose to have a herculean meal but the big guy survives with barely a scratch.
Polynices and Eteocles meet just outside the main gate of Thebes.

 The two heels do battle with Polynices striking Eteocles first. Eteocles fights back and kills his brother. The victorious Eteocles celebrates but then falls over dead from his wound.
The remaining soldiers begin fighting for control of the city. Many are killed before peace finally wins our. Hercules finds Iole and the Theben’s choose a new leader.

** Joel and the bots are trying to figure out why the Hercules movies were made. Gypsy, Crow and Joel have some elaborate theories but Tom claims it was just because they were cheap to make. The Mads ask Steve Reeves his opinion and he seems to agree with Tom.

Steve Reeves: After a body building career Reeves predominantly worked as an actor in Italy portraying Hercules, Goliath and other muscular characters

Sylvia Lopez started as a model before switching to acting. She died in 1959 at the age of 26, soon after finishing this film, from leukemia.

Sylva Koscina had an extensive film career in Italy but is best know to American audiences for her portrayal of Iole in this film and the preceding Hercules film. 

## Best Riffs 

## It’s the newest sport—grandpa dunking.

## He’s getting the bends.

## Is he turtle waxing him?

The first part of the movie is good. There’s stuff happening with Herc and there is some kind of story going on. Then it grinds to a halt from there. Good episode though. 3 out of 5.