humor

Episode 410

Hercules against the Moon Men

Tom and Crow have decided to run away from home and live on the other side of the ship. They get about 50 feet away when they change their minds and come back.
Frank and Dr Forrester remind Joel and the bots about The Lost Continent and the boring rock climbing scene. They then mention a sandstorm, which is some sort of reference to the upcoming film.
For the invention exchange Joel and bots have Super Freak Out. Frank and Dr Forrester’s invention is part of the film and “Deep Hurting”.

Hercules against the Moon Men

A voiceover explains a meteor struck the mountain of Samar causing it to erupt and burn everything around it. Giant monsters began to live on the mountain and terrorize the people of Samar, forcing them to offer their children as sacrifice.
This is followed by a confusing scene of not so young children being forced walk to the mountain. A door in the mountain opens and the children are shoved in.
Next an elder statesman, Gladius, pleads with Queen Samara to stop the sacrifices but she is having none of it.

He tells her of a man that can help them defeat the monsters but she sends him away.
Of course that man is Hercules. We see him riding a horse in search of something when a group of men attack him. Hercules has no trouble dispatching his attackers.
Back with the queen in her bed chamber, the winds starts blowing and it gets very dark. Suddenly a figure appears in her room.

It is Redolphis. He is the leader of the Moon Men that are the actual monsters on the mountain. It seems they came to earth on the meteor that hit the mountain earlier. They need the sacrifices to help revive their queen. In return for helping them, they will make Queen Samara the most power women in the world.
Next is a scene with Darix and the queen’s sister, Selene. The two are in love and wish to be married but they need to get the queen’s permission first.
Hercules is riding again when a young girl named Agar stops him. She helps him sneak into Samar. Hercules meets with Gladius and agrees to help the people of Samar defeat the monsters. The queen was spying on the conversation and vows to stop them. Hercules and Gladius try to slip out through a series of tunnels but Gladius is killed by a booby trap

and Hercules falls through a trap door. The pit he is in begins to fill with water.

** Break
** Joel is going to perform a booby trap illusion with a bunch of knives but the bots can’t stop saying booby. The trick works but Joel seems to have sprung a leak.

Hercules is able to escape the pit but then is attacked by an ape like creature. It’s no problem for Hercules as he tosses the creature around with ease. Agar helps Hercules out of the tunnel.
The queen is flabbergasted when she finds out Hercules (Alan Steel) has escaped. She vows to capture him and punish him for the problems he has caused her.
Selene asks her sister for permission to marry Darix.

The queen gives her consent but she knows Darix is part of the growing resistance movement. She tells Selene she needs Darix for a diplomatic mission and they can get married when he returns. She has no intention of letting Darix live to marry Selene.
Hercules and Agar locate the members of the resistance. They begin to hatch a plan to defeat the mountain monsters.
The next day, Darix says goodbye to Selene and heads off for his mission. Agar warns Selene that he may be heading into a trap but that she is sure that Hercules will help. I’m sure he has nothing else to do. Of course, the big guy agrees to help. Agar gives him a little kiss before he leaves.
The guards that were accompanying Darix turn on him. They shoot him with an arrow then start attacking him. Hercules shows up and beats the hell out them before whisking Darix away.

They find a local healer to nurse Darix back to health.

** Break
** Joel gives the bots upper body muscle implants. Crow decides to call himself Dax Tungsten. Tom has too much trouble coming up with a good name, so his body rejects the implants.

The healer warns Hercules to be careful with the queen. She has a special love potion that will make any man fall in love with her. Hercules gets ready to leave when a group of palace guards show up to take the man’s daughter to be sacrificed. Hercules fights them off but he knows more will come so he takes Darix and the healers family to a hiding place.

Agar finds them and tells Hercules that the guards have taken others to the mountain for sacrifice. Hercules to the rescue again.
He tracks down the group and attacks the guards but it turns out to be a trap. They throw a net over Hercules which for some reason he is unable to break free of.
While this is going on, the queen takes Selene with her to a cave to meet someone. It’s the moon men. They see their queen and then Redolphis appears. The moon queen looks just like Selene. It dawns on Selene that she is not getting out of there alive. She tries to make a run for it but Repolphis raises his hand and a bunch of giant rock monsters emerge from the cave walls.

Selene is easily captured then.
Redolphis explains that Selene will be sacrificed the next day when there will be a great planetary alignment and earth will no long support human life. Queen Samara will be spared, her beauty will last forever, and she will be as powerful as Redolphis but only if she kills Hercules.
Hercules is put in a large contraption with spikes designed crush him to death.

With the queen and Agar watching, Hercules is able to hold back the large plates long enough until the ropes brake and the whole thing falls apart. Time for plan B.
Samar has Hercules brought to her chamber. With the two of them alone she asks why doesn’t he kill her. He tells her he wants to stay with her.

Just to make sure Samar puts some of her love potion into a drink, but this isn’t Hercules’s first time around the block. When she is not looking he dumps out his drink then pretends the potion has taken effect.
The queen learns that Darix is still alive and decides to use Agar to locate him. Believing that Hercules is under her power, she decides to banish Agar from Samar knowing she will go to Agar. Her plan works perfectly as they capture Darix and Agar. She has them brought before her and Hercules. He recommends they be put to death by starvation.
Meanwhile, a small group of peasants and some of the army decide it time put an end to the queen. It’s time to storm the castle.
As night fall comes, Queen Samara tells Hercules about the moon men, and the whole plot. Now that he knows everything, Hercules drops the act. A stunned Samara is able to slip out a secret passage, so our hero has to do what a hero has to do. He beats the pulp out of everyone in his way and heads to the dungeon to free Agar and Darix.

** Break
** Tom and Crow mention how short the men’s skirts are compared to the women so they sing a song in praise of pants. Frank really likes the song.

After freeing the two from the dungeon, Hercules continues to beat up palace guards

while Darix and Agar join up with the rebels that have arrived at the palace.
A sandstorm begins as Samara makes it to the mountain and the moon men. Since she was unable to kill Hercules, Redolphis has her killed by the rock monsters
Hercules and the rebels all begin walking in the sandstorm to try and get to the mountain while Redolphis starts bleeding Selene so their queen can be revived.
The storm continues to rage on for a very long time and Hercules and the rebels just stumble around in it.
Eventually Hercules finds the door to the inside of the mountain. It proves to be very difficult to open. You might even say it takes a…… very concerted effort to open it.
The planet’s come in to alignment and the moon starts to move closer to the earth. This causes all sorts of geologic events, but the sandstorm and the pointless walking around by the rebels continues.
Hercules gets inside and runs into several of the rock monsters.

After fighting a few of them he realizes how tough it will be to kill them, he pushes a column in the cave over, causing a small cave-in that wipes them out.
He reaches Repolphis just as the moon queen starts coming to life. More pushing and crashing happens as Hercules rescues Selene.
With everyone safe and all the moon men killed, Hercules heads out of town with Agar joining him to search for more people in need.

** Joel and the bots discuss why Alan Steel replaced Steve Reeves in the Hercules movies. Crow start to develop a real smart ass attitude so Joel takes him away for an adjustment. Dr Forrester can’t understand why this movie didn’t finally break Joel and the bots will. Frank openly imagines what it would be like to be up with the bots in space but he isn’t sure how you go to the bathroom. Dr Forrester is not very happy with Frank.

Alan Steel was the body double for Steve Reeves in Hercules Unchained before taking over the role in several subsequent films.

** Best Riffs

** Ow ow ow Ouch ow Ow

** Squeaky Squeak

** It’s the Monsters of Rock Tour

This is a fun episode. The movie is a typical sword and sandal affair but at least Hercules doesn’t sleep through most of the film like he does in other additions of this collection.

3 out of 5.

humor

Episode 409

The Indestructible Man

Joel is a little freaked out. Tom sounds like Crow and Crow sounds like Tom. Even Gypsy and Magic Voice voices have switched. Turns out Tom and Crow were just pulling a prank on Joel. Frank and Dr Forrester are entertaining celebrities. Well at least the say they are since you can’t see any of them. For the invention exchange they have invented nothing. Well at least nothing they can show anybody. Joel and the bots invention is novels on the back of cereal boxes.

First up another chapter of Undersea Kingdom.

When we last saw our intrepid explorers in episode 406, Crash and Billy were trapped at the top of a cliff that the robots were destroying. Well they weren’t all that trapped after all as they just jump down the back of the cliff to get away. They retrieve Diana and the Professor and make their escape. Before long a group of white robe soldiers intercept them. Figuring they are agents of Unga Khan they take them prisoner.

The Indestructible Man

A voice over by Detective Dick Chasen starts things off. He explains how this is all about Charles “Butcher” Benton (Lon Chaney, Jr.) and his being put to death the next day. Benton is in his cell talking to his attorney, Paul Lowe. He believes his attorney double crossed him along with his co-defendants, Squeamy Ellis and Joe Marcelli. Benton has hidden his share of the money they stole and won’t tell anyone where it is. Despite his impending death he tells the attorney he will kill him and the other two.

The next day Chasen is in his office when Capt. John Lauder comes to see him. With Butcher being put to death he his closing the case and reassigning Chasen to something else. Chasen is sure there is more to the story and vows to keep working on it on his own time. Chasen goes to see Eva Martin, a local dancer and a friend of Benton’s. He figures he will ask her one last time about the stolen money but she insists she had no idea where it’s at. She leaves her dressing room to go perform.

Chasen leaves but then sees Marcelli go into her dressing room. When Eva finishes she meets Marcelli. They hear on the radio about the Butcher being executed soon. This makes Eva (Marian Carr) very sad and she retrieves a letter Benton sent her with instructions to open it upon his death.

Just then she is forced to go back onstage for one final number. Marcelli opens the letter when she leaves and finds a map of the sewer system with an X on it. He takes the map and puts $50 in the evelope before Eva can return.

** Break

** Joel and the bots put on a parade of the Undersea Kingdom.

That evening, after Benton has been put to death, Dr. Bradshaw, a biochemist, is in need of a dead body for some cancer research. Sure enough his assistant (Joe Flynn) is able to get Benton’s body for the experiments. They make a few preparations then zap his body with a great jolt of electricity, as any self-respecting researchers would. This gets Benton’s heart and lungs working again. Next thing you know he’s up and moving around but he is unable to talk. He is also a little ticked off about being dead. He starts tearing up the office but Dr Bradshaw is able to get him to sit down.

Bradshaw tries to get a blood sample from him but the needle is unable to pierce his skin.

Benton realizes he is indestructible and chokes both Bradshaw and his assistant to death at the same time, then leaves the office.

Chasen decides to pay a visit to Eva and convinces her to grab a bite to eat. They go to a drive up hamburger joint and start chatting it up. Chasen (Casey Adams) tells her how he became a cop and Eva explains how she came to know Benton and got her job at the burlesque house. Afterwards Chasen takes her home.

Meanwhile Squeamy meets with Lowe, who has a safe cracking job for him if Squeamy can stay off the booze long enough.

** Break

** Joel and the bots talk about what they would do if the were indestructible. Each idea seems to be rather painful unless you were indestructible.

Benton wonders through the woods until he comes to a road. He steals a car which gets the police involved.

They set up road blocks and eventually he encounters one. Being indestructible and all, he just gets out and beats up the officers in spite of receiving several gunshots. He continues on driving towards Los Angeles and his chance for revenge.

Chasen and the rest of his department are put on 24 hour duty, figuring this new maniac is headed their way.

Benton makes it to LA and heads straight for Eva. She of course is stunned to see him. He’s pretty mad when he realizes the map is not in the envelope he left for her. He storms away with plans to look for his former partners. Eva calls the police, then calls Squeamy to warn him. Of course no one believes her but she leaves a message for Chasen anyway.

Eventually Chasen gets the message and heads to the dancehall to talk to Eva but she has left to try and warn Squeamy. Benton gets to Squeamy first but he skedaddles down the fire escape. Benton starts to leave when suddenly Marcelli shows up. Benton throws him down a flight of stairs.

Next he goes looking for Lowe. Benton gets to Lowe’s office but he is not there. Someone else shows up though, Squeamy. Benton throws him off the fifth floor balcony.

By now the police have figured out about the doctor and his experiments and also how Benton’s body never made it to the morgue. More reports of people being thrown to their death come into the police. They are getting desperate to stop him now.

** Break

** Joel tries to do the close-up camera shot that the movie uses of Lon Chaney’s face. Of course, Tom and Crow get in the way.

Lowe (Ross Elliott) figures out he is next, so he punches a police officer to get himself arrested, that way Benton can’t get him if he is in jail. Instead, Chasen and Capt Lauder decide to let him go with hopes that he will be so scared he will tell them all about the previous robbery they committed with Benton. Sure enough it works, as Lowe starts singing like a canary. He also tells them how Benton uses the sewer system to hide from the police.

Using this information, the police stake out manhole covers in the city waiting for Benton to show himself. Chasen, Capt Lauder and several officers head into the sewer to hunt down the Butcher.

They bring a flamethrower and a bazooka to try a finish him off.

Benton makes it to the stash of money he hid in the sewer system just before he is spotted by the police. They fire a bazooka round at him and it hits him square in the gut. Being indestructible, it just bounces off, but it does hurt him. He hurries away but runs into another group of officers and they turn the flamethrower on him. Now badly scorched, Benton climbs up through a man hole that leads inside an electrical substation. He’s followed closely by the police.

Struggling to see because the flames damaged his vision, Benton ends up on a crane, which he accidentally activates. With the police watching, the crane rolls into one of the high tension power lines zapping Benton with a lethal dose of electricity, putting an end to his rampage.

The next day, Chasen finishes up his report on the case. He gets his boss to give him some time off so he goes a picks up Eva and takes her for hamburgers again. After all of the excitement of the last few days, Eva is not sure what to do next with her life. Chasen took care of that. He tells her he got her fired from her job. When she asks why he tells her being his wife is going to take up too much of her time. Eva says yes as the movie closes.

** The bots make Joel sign a contract that he will not make an more cop and donut jokes ever again. Down in Deep 13 a couple of cops just happen to be there. They concur about the donut jokes being hackneyed.

They then give Dr Forrester and Frank a citation for their party being too loud.

Lon Chaney, Jr. Is best know for his numerous roles in horror films like The Wolf Man, The Ghost of Frankenstein as well as several mummy movies.

Casey Adams appeared in many television shoes and movies from the 1940’s through the 1970’s. His best know roll was that of Ray Cutler in the 1953 film Niagara

Marian Carr had a small uncredited role in It’s a Wonderful Life.

Ross Elliott is best know for his roll as the sheriff in the TV series The Virginian.

Joe Flynn is best know as Captain Binghamton from McHale’s Navy and his numerous roles in Disney movies.

## Best Riffs

## Alright Talk!!!

##”Who in their right mind would believe a man came back from the dead?” “Uh, millions of Christians.”

## Clang, clang, clang went the trolley… -Plod, plod, plod went the plot

I liked this episode. The movie is really dull but it a fun film noir with some great riffs. 3 out of 5

humor

Episode 408

Hercules Unchained

It’s annual wash and wax day on the SOL. Joel loves this day but Tom and Crow don’t. Afterwards Tom really likes being all squeaky clean but Crow is still really upset.
The Mads invention is decorator roaches. They had some help catching roaches from an exterminator who just happens to be Steve Reeves. 

Joel and the bots invention is the Steve-a-meter. It checks if your ideas have already been thought of by Steve Allen. Frank and Dr Forrester get into a fight so Steve Reeves has to send the movie.

Hercules Unchained

A Greek ship rows ashore at Attica. Hercules has returned with his new wife, Iole. They are headed to Thebes, accompanied by a young man named Ulysses. They load up a wagon with supplies and gifts from the crew and ride away.
Along the way a group of soldiers ride past the wagon heading towards Thebes. This puzzles Hercules so he chases after them. Ulysses tells him he should slow down. Hercules (Steve Reeves) not only slows down, he decides to take a nap in the back of the wagon, letting Ulysses do the driving for a while. Iole sings a little tune while Hercules drifts off.
Down the road a ways, they run into the gigantic Antaeus. He will not let them pass through without some sort of payment. He threatens to take the horses and any valuables they have. Iole tries to get Hercules to wake up and help them but he refuses. Antaeus goes to the back of the wagon and tells him he is going to take Iole  with him. Hercules doesn’t seem to care until Antaeus touches him. Hercules jumps from the wagon and they begin fighting. 

As expected, Hercules wins the battle.
They ride on a little further and it starts to rain. They find a grove of trees surrounding a cave and head in to get out of the rain. There are a few soldiers there and when they go inside, Hercules spots a familiar face. It Oedipus, the ruler of Thebes, or at least he was. Seems his sons, Polynices and Eteocles, forced the old man to give up the throne and the two of were supposed to share it. After one year Eteocles was due to let Polynices be the leader but has refused to follow their agreement. Hercules will go to Thebes and convince Eteocles to honor the bargain.

** Break
** Gypsy has built a Greek style set for Joel and the bots. She comes out dress as the ideal Helenistic woman and begins to sing and play the harp. Joel and the bots aren’t sure what to make of it.

The next day, Hercules leaves Iole at his home while he and Ulysses head into Thebes with a parchment scroll from Polynices to give to his brother. Along the route the big guy starts getting hungry so they stop at another small cave and Ulysses goes to hunt a pheasant. Hercules gets a drink of water from a spring flowing out of a rock. Unfortunately, it is the waters of forgetfulness. 

After a moment Hercules starts getting dizzy and the horses get spooked and run off.
Meanwhile Ulysses has bagged them a meal. Suddenly the horses go running past. Alarmed by this, he heads back to the cave but not before dropping the ever important scroll.
Dazed and confused, Hercules starts hearing a woman singing. Ulysses makes it back to Hercules but he can’t hear any of the singing. Hercules looks for the voice but eventually he passes out. A group of soldiers shows up and take Hercules and Ulysses, who is pretending to be deaf and mute, prisoner. The soldiers take them to Queen Omphale of Lydia.
Omphale has a little game she is running. She uses the waters of forgetfulness to capture unsuspecting men and have them fall in love with her. When she tires of them she has them killed and gets a new one.
Hercules awakens and can’t remember a thing. Omphale (Sylvia Lopez) tells him he is the king and her husband. Hercules thinks the whole idea is pretty sweet and instantly finds Omphale very attractive.
Back outside of Thebes, Iole is getting anxious. It’s been three days and no word from Hercules yet.
Meanwhile Hercules is really enjoying himself. Ulysses is giving him a massage and serving girls are giving him food. Ulysses notices they are giving him some of the Waters of Forgetfulness. He spills the water and gets him some non tainted water.

 Ulysses breaks his act and tells Hercules his real name. He also tells him about Iole and the mission to Thebes. Hercules doesn’t believe him. Just then Omphale comes in and the conversation stops and Ulysses goes back into character.

** Break
** Joel and the bots try some of the Waters of Forgetfulness as well as the Carrot Shake of Pretentiousness, the DQ Blizzard of Loneliness, the Fruit Stripe Gum of Stability, and the Green Bean & French Onion Casserole of Happiness.

Iole tried to find Hercules, but Eteocles’s men found her and brought her to him. Eteocles figures that she and Hercules are plotting against him with his brother. He has her arrested and threatens to arrest anyone plotting against him. 
The next day Ulysses is giving Hercules another message. He keeps him from drinking from the bad water. He also tells him about how Omphale kills off her lovers when she tires of them. Hercules is starting to remember but is still not sure if Ulysses is telling the truth.
Later he is making out with Omphale when they are notified that a group of sailors from Ithaca have arrived and are seeking shelter for a few days. Hercules is really annoyed by this but Omphale most go and great them. She takes notice of one of the younger crewmen and starts looking at him as a replacement for Hercules.
Speaking of the devil, Hercules comes barging in demanding that Omphale return to him for some more fun stuff. Several of the men from Ithaca recognize Hercules. He doesn’t recognize them so they drop it.

Polynices has grown tired of waiting. He figures Hercules is working with his brother  so he decides to attack the city and take the throne. Of course Eteocles is preparing to defend it.
Over in Lydia, Omphale is messing around with her new friend but he is no dummy and has figured out what she is up to. Just then Hercules comes in and he has regained his memory. Omphale agrees to let Hercules leave with the rest of the Ithaca sailors but then changes her mind and orders her men to kill them. Time for Hercules to do some damage. He starts lifting heavy objects and throwing them at the soldiers. He and the rest of the Greeks are able to escape to their ship and sail away. Omphale, who was really in love with Hercules, is so distraught at his leaving that she kills herself.

** Break
** The bots try to get Joel to explain what Hercules and Omphale are doing after they snuggle and kiss. Joel is a little uncomfortable and tells them he is her live in dentist but the bots ain’t buying it.

Polynices and his men arrive at the main gate of Thebes but Eteocles has a surprise for them. He has several women captives that he has accused of being loyal to Polynices killed in front of them.

 He also says he is going to feed Iole to the tigers if Hercules tries to save her. Polynices and his men back away from the fight.
Hercules finally makes it back to Thebes and sees what Eteocles has done. He decides to sneak into Thebes to rescue Iole. The men from Ithaca agree to help. Meanwhile Eteocles sends Polynices a note. He challenges him to a duel to settle who the ruler of Thebes should be.
Herc and the boys make it inside Thebes. He gets trapped in an arena and a group of tigers are set loose to have a herculean meal but the big guy survives with barely a scratch.
Polynices and Eteocles meet just outside the main gate of Thebes.

 The two heels do battle with Polynices striking Eteocles first. Eteocles fights back and kills his brother. The victorious Eteocles celebrates but then falls over dead from his wound.
The remaining soldiers begin fighting for control of the city. Many are killed before peace finally wins our. Hercules finds Iole and the Theben’s choose a new leader.

** Joel and the bots are trying to figure out why the Hercules movies were made. Gypsy, Crow and Joel have some elaborate theories but Tom claims it was just because they were cheap to make. The Mads ask Steve Reeves his opinion and he seems to agree with Tom.

Steve Reeves: After a body building career Reeves predominantly worked as an actor in Italy portraying Hercules, Goliath and other muscular characters

Sylvia Lopez started as a model before switching to acting. She died in 1959 at the age of 26, soon after finishing this film, from leukemia.

Sylva Koscina had an extensive film career in Italy but is best know to American audiences for her portrayal of Iole in this film and the preceding Hercules film. 

## Best Riffs 

## It’s the newest sport—grandpa dunking.

## He’s getting the bends.

## Is he turtle waxing him?

The first part of the movie is good. There’s stuff happening with Herc and there is some kind of story going on. Then it grinds to a halt from there. Good episode though. 3 out of 5.

Uncategorized

​Episode 407

The Killer Shrews

It’s present time on the SOL. Joel gives Gypsy a Little Mermaid Bath Set and Tom gets a Junior Dragster. Crow gets a pair of dress slacks. 

The Mads invention is a device to crack open the earth and destroy all of the continents. Joel and the bots invention is Jim Henson’s Edgar Winter Babies. 

First up, the short “Junior Rodeo Daredevils”
 

Two boys are trying to tie a tin can to the tail of old man Billy Slater’s horse. He catches them before they can complete the job. Since they are so bored he suggests they organize a junior rodeo. 

The boys put up posters around their little town promoting the rodeo and before you know it the whole town pretty much shows up for the big day. 

First there are a few horse races then some calf roping, followed by all kinds exciting events. 

To end it all, they hand out awards and prizes. 

The Killer Shrews

A voice over explains that shrews are mean nasty creatures that will eat anything. Now there seems to be a new species of shrew that has emerged. 

Captain Thorne Sherman and his first mate Rook Griswold pilot a boat to a remote island. They are carrying some supplies for the inhabitants there, all the while, they are keeping an eye on the weather as a storm is approaching. 

They anchor the boat, row ashore and are immediately greeted by lead scientist Marlowe Cragis, his daughter Ann and Jerry Farrel. Thorne is instantly smitten with the beautiful Ann but is leery of Jerry since he is carrying a shotgun. 

Marlowe wants Thorne to take Ann back with him. He seems more than happy to but informs them they are not leaving today on account of the storm. He isn’t even going to unload the supplies as they will help stabilize the boat. The islanders are not happy about this but they and Thorne head to their compound while Rook stays with the boat for now. 

The group reach the compound and head in. Thorne can sense something is not right about the place but never-the-less he shares a cocktail with his hosts and prepares to spend the evening on the island. 

** Break 

** Joel is dressed up like a cowboy and reciting some quotes from Will Rogers. He slowly starts quoting a lot of different people which kind of worries the bots. 

Marlowe and Thorne are chatting over their drinks when in walks Marlowe’s assistant Radford Baines. He is wrapped up in his work and doesn’t pay attention to the others. Marlowe is eventually able to persuade him to come over and meet Thorne.

Thorne (James Best) asks what they’re working on on the island. Marlowe explains they’re working on a serum to make humans smaller. Smaller humans will mean less strain on the food supply. 

Radford returns from the laboratory with a shrew.

 He says it’s the only survivor of their latest test. Thorne asks how big do they get. Marlowe (Baruch Lumet) gets an uneasy look on his face but says that is an adult. Just then there’s a loud crash which startles Ann. Turns out it was just a shutter blowing in the wind. Radford takes care of it. Ann is nervous about something more than just the storm. Mario, their servant, takes Thorne to a room for the night. 

Turns out Ann and Jerry are engaged to be married. Jerry is beginning to get jealous of Thorne and his interest in Ann. The two of them get into an argument when he finds Ann with Thorne.

As the night sets in, Rook decides to come ashore. In the dark he can hear some noises. Not sure of what they are, he fires a few shots and takes off running with the storm intensifying around him. He climbs a tree and is cornered by the giant creatures. He hollers for help but, with the storm, no one can hear him. 

Jerry (Ken Curtis) and Ann continue to argue and Ann is really getting sick of him.

 She wants to leave the island but Jerry doesn’t. He wants to continue the experiments with her father. 

Outside the compound the tree Rook is on begins to collapse. He falls to the ground and the creatures attack and kill him.

Thorne begins to feel unwelcome at the compound so he decides to head back to the boat. Ann stops him before he can leave. When Thorne asks why he can’t leave, Ann (Ingrid Goude) elaborates more about her father’s experiments. He accidentally made some shrews grow extremely fast. Now they are the size of a wolf and are very hungry. Marlowe comes in and fills in some of the gaps in the story

** Break 

** Tom and Crow sing a song about killer shrews. Afterwards, they show Joel their new board game about the movie. Just like in the movie nothing happens in the game. 

Eventually, the storm knocks out the power at the camp. It’s too dangerous to go outside to restart the generator so they light some candles. Ann and Thorne’s relationship begins to blossom as does Jerry’s jealousy. The shrews attack and kill the livestock. Everyone begins to realize the situation is getting dangerous. They decide to post watches to make sure the shrews don’t get in during the night.

Jerry gets too drunk to take his watch so he talks Mario into doing it for him.

 Unfortunately, a shrew gets in and hides out in the basement. Mario wakes Thorne and they head to the basement to kill it.

Mario spots the not-so-little thing and shoots it, but it’s still able to get a bite on his leg. Down goes Mario. Thorn runs over to help Mario. He also shoots the thing a second time which finally kills it.

Everyone rushes to the basement to check on Mario but he dies anyway. No one is quite sure why he died so quickly. They take his body and the shrews for examination. The shrew’s saliva was full of poison. This is what killed Mario. It seems Marlowe had left some poison bait out to try to kill the shrews. Apparently it didn’t work. They decide to have everyone stay in the front room and wait till morning. Unbeknownst to everyone, one of the shrews has gotten into the building by digging through the wall.

Morning arrives and the storm is nearly over. Thorn throws the dead animal carcass over the fence to see if any of the other shrews will try to get it. When none of them show up they assume all the shrews have gone in for day.

Thorne decides to see if the path is clear and heads for the boat. He will fire a shot in the air if everything is clear. Ann doesn’t want him to go by himself so Jerry has to go with him. Jerry’s jealousy gets the better of him and he begins to threaten Thorne with his shotgun as they walk towards the boat.

 Thorne is no fool and is easily able to disarm Jerry.

They continued on to the boat but there’s no sign of Rook. They start to head back when they find Rook’s body. They also realize that they’re being followed by the shrews. They take off running back for the building.

** Break 

** Joel and the Bots make a killer shrew drink. Joel tries it and it knocks him on his butt. Frank has made his own version, tries it and goes completely nuts.

Jerry makes it back first, then holds the gate closed so Thorne can’t get in. Thorne is forced to climb over the fence just as the shrews arrive. He sees Jerry holding the gate closed so he gives him the thrashing of a lifetime. He is just about to throw him over the fence and let the shrews eat him but changes his mind. 

Everyone heads back into the house and Thorne makes himself a drink. Ann goes to make coffee but when she opens the door to the kitchen a shrew comes running  out and bites Radford (Gordon McLendon). Dead Eye Thorne shoots the rodent dead. Radford tells the others he is okay and sits down at his typewriter. 

While the others busy themselves, Radford, who is not okay, begins typing out his symptoms while he starts dying. After a few moments he collapses to floor, dead. Thorne tells Jerry to take Radford’s body outside. Jerry starts getting hysterical so Thorne slaps him around to knock some sense into him. Just then the shrews start chewing holes through the walls trying to get at the tasty humans. Everyone retreats to the patio for safety. Jerry finds the shotgun in the corner while everyone else is looking for some sort of protection. He stashes the gun for later. Thorne find some metal drums which gives him an idea. They lash the drums together and will use them as protection to get to the boat. Jerry grabbed the shotgun and climbs onto the roof. He votes to stay instead of taking the drums. Anne and the others try to talk him down but it’s no use. Thorne, Marlow and Ann crouch down inside the drums and head for the boat. The shrews try to get at them but they are protected by the drums.

Seeing that all of the shrews are chasing the others, Jerry climbs down from the roof. He tries to catch up with the others but the shrews get to him first and kill him. The others eventually make it to the shore and swim to the boat. Marlow makes a comment about overpopulation. Thorne looks at Ann and says he isn’t worried about overpopulation right now. The two of them kiss as the movie ends. 

** Crow, Tom and Gypsy are all dressed like killer shrews. They reenact the scene, with Joel, where Ranford is killed in the movie. 

Down in Deep 13 Frank has a tummy ache. Dr. Forrester gives him an ipecac.

Cast 

James Best is best known for playing Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane in the Dukes of Hazzard.

Ingrid Goude won the 1956 Miss Sweden beauty pageant

Ken Curtis is best known for his role as Festus Haggen on the long-running western tv series Gunsmoke. We also appeared in several movies by director John Ford. 

Gordon McLendon is a member of the National Radio Hall of Fame. His family at one time built a communications empire that included radio stations across the United States

Baruch Lumet was a Polish immigrant born in Warsaw before caming to the USA in 1922. He did not do much acting. He is the father of famed director Sydney Lumet

Best Riffs 

## Synchronized Drinking

## And the crowd goes wild!!

Good episode. Very good host segments, in particular the Killer Shrews song. The movie is terrible and memorable. 4 out of 5. 

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Episode 406

Attack of the Giant Leeches 

Joel made a “Holo-Clown” Sequencer to cheer up the bots but it’s been stuck on for days and even the clowns are sick of it. Joel finally fixes it.
Tom says a haiku about clowns, then it’s time for the invention exchange. Dr Forrester, inspired by the movie, use a leech to help Frank quit smoking, even though he doesn’t smoke. Joel and the bots invention is the Insty Adolescent Kit, so you can experience all of adolescents at once.
 
First up the short “Undersea Kingdom”
  

Annapolis Maryland
We meet Crash Corrigan, Navy Lieutenant and all around star athlete at the Academy. First he scores a touchdown in the big game then he is winning in a wrestling match. Just as he is about to finish the match, little Billy Norton nearly falls from his perch where he was secretly watching the match. 

Crash doesn’t miss a beat and climbs up to save Billy. Seems Billy’s father, Professor Norton, needs to see Crash right away.
At the professor’s office he has a gizmo that can predict and even stop small earthquakes. 

Diana Compton, a reporter from the Times, is also there and asks where they are coming from. The professor believes they are coming from Atlantis. He says he has found several artifacts while searching in his rocket submarine that are only a few years.
Meanwhile down in Atlantis, war is about to break out between
Sharad, high priest of Atlantis and leader of the White Robes against Unga Khan, the tyrant leader of the Black Robes. The Black Robes begin an assault on the White Robes. Unga wants to take over Atlantis and then destroy the upper world using a disintegrator ray. Isn’t that always the way these guys. Anyway he uses the ray to strike the city of St Clair, which is just three hundred miles away from Annapolis, causing an earthquake. Professor Norton decides it’s time to load his earthquake stopper thingy on to his rocket submarine and try to stop the next quake. Crash, Diana and Billy go with him.
After getting underway, some force, controlled by Unga, starts pulling them down deeper and deeper under water and into a cave. They then surface in Atlantis.
Unga orders his imperial guards to capture the professor and his crew. They mount their horses and chariots and ride off after them.
Crash (Ray “Crash” Corrigan) and company disembark and begin exploring the land. They see the guards approaching and hide. Crash decides to go and see if they are friendly or not. Two of the men try to grab him so he slugs them both

 and literally heads for the hills. Guess they weren’t friendly after all. All the guards climb after him and look to have Crash cornered but he grabs a nearby vine and slides down to the horses. He mounts one and rides off causing the remaining horses to scatter. He makes it back to the others and they start heading back to the sub. Unga sends out a tank filled with robots. That’s right, a tank full of robots. They each are carrying a ray gun.

 The good guys keep on trucking as the robots shoot at them. They get trapped against some rocks so Crash and Billy climb up to find a way out. Unga uses an invisible ray to stop them at the top of the rocks. He fires a bunch of rockets at the cliff which causes it to crumble.
 
** Break
** Joel asks the bots what they would do to take over the world. They talk about their great costumes and plans for world domination. Joel mentions that anyone foolish enough to try and achieve world domination would look pretty silly. When then see Dr Forrester and Frank dressed up rather flamboyantly.
 
Attack of the Giant Leeches
  

A group of men are hanging out in a small bar/store in the Everglades. The place is owned by Dave Walker and his wife Liz. One of the men, Len, tells a tale of a giant creature he encountered in the marsh that he had never seen before that reminded him of an octopus. The others think he has been drinking too much.
The men all head home leaving Dave and Liz alone. Their relationship is very rocky. Dave pleads with Liz to talk with him but she decides to head out for the night without him.
Game warden Steve Benton is out in marshland with his girlfriend, Nan, rescuing animals from traps set by poachers. She is worried about him getting mixed up with the poachers but he isn’t worried. They have a tender moment

 but then hear a shriek coming from within the trees. Steve heads off to investigate and finds Liz is the screamer. He also finds Len from the opening scene and he looks like he has seen the creature he described earlier.
Steve goes to Sheriff Kovis for help but he isn’t interested. He figures Len was killed by a gator or something so that’s Steve’s job. He tells him to stay out of county business. Steve tells him off before leaving.
Steve then goes to see Doc Greyson, who just happens to be Nan’s father. He and Steve (Ken Clark) figure something weird killed that drunk and Steve is going to go searching for it.
The next day he and Nan paddle around in a canoe looking for suspicious stuff. 

They float around all day and don’t see a thing.
Back at the Walker’s place, Dave is getting ready to take an order of groceries to a customer but this time Liz (Yvette Vickers) wants to talk. Seems she is scared since Len got attacked and wants to move out. Dave takes off to make the delivery. One of the regulars at the place, Cal, slips in after Dave leaves. Then he and Liz go off together.
 
** Break
** Joel and the bots have had WAY too much coffee and are telling stories that are a bit weird.
 
Liz and Cal go to the marshlands for little alone time. Cal just can’t understand why a woman like Liz is with a fat guy like Dave. She tells him it’s complicated. While they are chatting, Dave (Bruno VeSota) sneaks up on them, shotgun at the ready. He threatens to kill both of them so they take off running. He fires a few shots over their heads as he pursues them. Eventually he catches up to them. 

Cal blames the whole thing on Liz but Dave doesn’t care and makes them walk out into the swamp. They plead for their lives and Dave finally relents. Before they can get out of the water, two giant leeches grab them both and pull them under water.
Sheriff Kovis and several others are searching the swamp for the missing couple but they don’t find any sign of them. Kovis pressures Dave to tell them what he really did to them. Dave sticks to his story so Kovis has him locked up on murder charges.
Two old locals want to keep looking for the bodies. They figure an alligator took the bodies and buried them for later.
Back at the sheriff’s office, Dave is so distraught over his wife’s apparent death that he has hung himself in his jail cell.
Steve and Doc Greyson are debating what really happened to Liz and Cal. Doc thinks there is something to Dave’s story but Steve is sure it was murder. Doc wants to use dynamite to kill whatever is down there. Steve tells him he can’t cause it would kill other wildlife and he would have to arrest him if he did. Nan thinks Steve is being pig-headed. 
Then next day the two old timers are poking along the banks of the swamp with poles looking for the bodies. One of them realizes that they haven’t even seen one gator the whole day which is very unusual. They decide to skedaddle out if there. Before they can, the leeches grab them right out of their boat.
Next we see the leaches aren’t actually killing any of their victims. 

They have them in a cavern deep under the water and are sucking on their blood.
With the two men missing, a search party is organized to look for them. Even Steve takes part in it but nothing is found. Although they do all notice the absence of alligators 
Doc and Nan spend the evening at Steve’s place. Doc makes note of there being no alligators in the swamp and recommends using dynamite to help locate the bodies and bring them to the surface. Steve vetoes the idea again and instead will scuba dive to search for them in a few days. 
Doc and Nan get sneaky and head to the swamp with some dynamite. Doc lights the fuse and drops it in the water. Steve, suspicious of the two of them, shows up just then. The dynamite goes off and the explosion causes the two old timers and Cal to fall back into the water from the cavern. Their bodies float to the surface. 

** Break 

** Joel and the bots are dressed like hillbillies and sing “Danger to Myself And Others”

Steve has come to arrest Doc for using the dynamite but he is not at home. Nan is really ticked off with Steve. Doc arrives home and before he is arrested he tells Steve about the autopsy. Dispite the fact that all three men had been missing for at least two days the estimated time of death for them had only been a few hours before they were found. They also had large sucker marks on them. Steve can’t believe it at first but then figures there must be some sort of cave under the water where they were at. Doc think Liz might still be alive. Then we see Liz, down in the cavern, still alive. 

Steve and a friend suit up to do a little scuba diving in the swamp. The sheriff and just about everyone else is there to watch.

 Steve goes in the water and quickly spots one of the leeches. Using a harpoon gun he shoots it. He swims back to surface to get another harpoon to finish it off. 

Meanwhile Liz is barely alive. She stagers and falls into the water and floats to the surface. Steve’s friend pulls her onto the boat but she’s dead. Steve’s friend then dives in to help Steve as they realize there are two leeches. They injur both of them then head for shore. Finally they uses a shit load of dynamite to blast the mutants. Their bodies float to the surface. 

** Joel and the bots try to decide just how smart were the leeches. Down in deep thirteen Dr Forrester has left a leech on Frank way to long. 

He removes it and he and the leech head out for some lunch. Frank passes out. 

Cast
Ken Clark was a B-movie actor. He worked for a number of years in Italy.

Yvette Vickers went on to appeared as the Playboy Playmate of the Month in the July 1959 before her acting roles dried up. Vickers mummified body was found at her home in Los Angeles in 2011. She had not been seen in public for about a year when a neighbor discover her. It’s believed she died of heart failure.
 

Bruno VeSota appeared in episode 307 – Daddy-O

Gene Roth was a regular in Three Stooges movies. He was killed by a hit-and-run driver in Los Angeles in 1976.

Ray “Crash” Corrigan mostly did stunt work and bit parts. He own his a gorilla suit and used it to appear in many films. In 1937 he bought some land in California and built a movie lot and called in Corriganville. Many western movies were shot there. Corrigan sold the site to Bob Hope in 1966. He died in 1976 at the age of 74. 

## Best Riffs 
## This must be the swimsuit edition of leeches Illustrated
  

## ” is there a reeeward if someone finds the body, sheriff?”

“50 dollars.”

And you get to keep the body.

## Thanks for comforting me with that gun.
 

Fun episode. The short and movie were really bad but watchable. The running gag about coffee was hilarious. 4 out of 5.

 

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Episode 405

Joel and the bots are playing twenty questions. Tom and Crow make some weird guesses. Frank and Dr Forrester have invented “Tragic Moments” figurines. Joel and the bots have made a Jack Palance impersonation kit. 

Being From Another Planet 

A couple of men enter the darkened tomb of Tutankhamun. Using flashlights they search the tomb and find a lot of dead bodies. They pass through a hole in a wall and find a sarcophagus. They take it back to the California Institute of Sciences. 

Professor Douglas McCadden, the leader of the expedition, has his students unload the relic and bring it into the classroom. They remove the lid to reveal the inner sarcophagus. They take that lid off and inside is a mummy. The first thing they notice is the poor state of the body wrappings. They also notice some sort of mold all over everything. Michael, one of the students, gets a sample. He gets a little bit on his arm. Next they start getting X-rays of the mummy. Oops, they accidentally use way to high of a radiation dosage. I’m sure it will be fine. Later the X-ray technician, Peter, develops the images and notices some strange round spots next to the mummy’s head.

 He sneaks over to the lab, finds a hiden drawer in the sarcophagus, and steals a bag of clear stones. I’m sure that will be fine. To hide his theft he takes another x-ray of the mummy. 

McCadden (Ben Murphy) and another student are cleaning some of the dirt from sarcophagus cover trying to read the inscriptions on it. The student, Susie, gives the professor a little neck rub. Seems they may have more than a student/teacher relationship. I’m sure it’s fine though. 

McCadden calls Dr. Ken Melrose, a pathologist at the school, about the mold. He has Susie take the sample to him for testing. It’s late and McCadden falls asleep at his desk. While he sleeps something starts happening with the mummy but it too dark to see exactly what it is. 

In the morning Susie wakes McCadden. They start looking at the X-rays and notice the area where the clear stones would have been. They find the secret drawer and find some of the mold and it looks really weird but I’m sure it will be okay. 

** Break 

** Joel is dressing the bots up as mummies. They are talking about how lame the mummy is in the movie when Crow mentions Bill Mumy from Lost in Space and how he hasn’t done anything since the tv show ended. Joel sets him straight on Mumy’s accomplishments. 

Peter takes the the stones to a jeweler to get rich but the owner tells him they are worthless. He storms out with the pretty rocks. 

McCadden has Melrose look at the mold in the drawer. He says it’s no longer dormant and to keep everyone away from it until they figure out what it is. However, University President Wendell Rossmore, has scheduled a press conference for today to show off the new artifact. 

The press people start filling in for the big reveal. One of the students notices a bit of the fungus has started growing on the side of the sarcophagus so of course he touches it. His finger immediately turns black and starts to rot. 

He is rushed to the nurse. Im sure he will be fine. Just then Rossmore shows up with his friend Bruce Serrano in tow. Seems Rossmore does not particularly like McCadden and wants to replace him with Serrano. 

Well it’s time for the big unveiling. Rossmore gives a little speech and then McCadden says a few words. They open the lid and find the mummy is missing. This is followed by lots of murmuring by the press. 

Immediately people suspect that one of the fraternities swiped the mummy as part of a prank. Rossmore gives them 24 hours to return it or else. McCadden wants to call in the police but Rossmore over rules him. 

The college cop will find out who did this. 

The mummy of course has not been stolen. It is out searching for its missing jewels. It kills a janitor down in the reactor room. 

McCadden and Melrose go to visit the blackened finger kid. They meet up with Dr. Hayworth who explains that the fungus is continuing to spread. The kid’s whole hand is black now. I’m sure he will okay though. 

A security guard finds the electrical room trashed, McCadden stops by the school’s radio station to plead for the return of the mummy and Rossmore watches tv and drinks. 

Sharpe meanwhile sells one of the stones to a friend for $50 and he takes his girlfriend out for a big dinner. He also gives her one as a pendant. While having dinner, two friends show up. He just happens to owe them each $25. To keep from having to pay them back he gives them one of the stones. One of the friends gives the stone to his girlfriend which earns him a little make out time while she is babysitting.

 The stone start glowing which attracts the mummy. When she goes to check on the baby the mummy attacks her, taking the stone and leaving a huge blackened area on her chest. 

At the hospital, McCadden meets with Melrose (Austin Stoker) and Hathaway as well as Lt. Plummer. He is investigating the attack. 

** Break 

** The bots put together an old fashioned haunted house for Joel complete with bowls of brains, guts and other creepy stuff.

Plummer tries to question the babysitter’s boy friend but he isn’t much help. The mummy has taken the first stone and placed it on some sort of triangle thing. This causes some electrical interference with things around campus but I’m sure it’s fine. 

Melrose goes to talk with McCadden at his office. McCadden has been translating a scroll that was with the mummy. It tells the story of a traveler that came to Egypt and how king Tutankhamun and his servants all die from touching the visitor. It also says that he doesn’t look human. 

A little later, Melrose is running more tests on the fungus and realizes that X-rays cause it to start growing. At the same time, X-rays are taken of the dead girl with predictable results but I’m sure it will be alright. 

Susie is walking to class when a student stops her. He would like to take her out but she is dating McCadden. He gives her a bracelet with one one the mummy stones on it. Seems we have a little foreshadowing going on here but I’m sure she will be fine. 

One of the fraternities is having a costume party so of course Peter dresses up as a mummy, but I’m sure it will… Oh never mind.  

With the party in full swing, mummy guy shows up and snatches one of his stones from a students which kills him. 

He places it on the triangle and causes some more power glitches around campus. Lt Plummer is now convinced there is a serial killer on the loose. 

The next day or maybe some other day, I don’t know, Susie wakes up McCadden at his place. Some sunlight shines through the mummy stone on her bracelet and it projects on the wall a diagram that looks like a radio transmitter. Turns out it matches one they found on some paper with the mummy. 

** Break 

** Tom and Crow are feeling depressed so Joel and Gypsy try to cheer them up but after a bit even they start getting depressed. 

Susie and her bracelet go to the library to do some research. 

Mummy man shows up and it’s chase time. Susie makes it to an elevator and start heading up. The mummy gets into the shaft and begins breaking through the floor so Susie climbs out through the hatch. She makes her way to the roof of the library with the mummy in hot pursuit. She notices the stone on her bracelet is flashing and figures out that it is what the mummy wants. She tries but is unable to get the bracelet off so she keeps on running. She starts climbing down a ladder when the mummy grabs the bracelet off her wrist. She slips from the ladder and falls to the next level. Next she wakes up in the hospital talking to Lt Plummer. She explains what happened and how the mummy was just after the crystals. 

McCadden finds the original x-ray showing the crystals and goes to talk to Peter. When Peter plays dumb McCadden gets a little rough with him. He finally admits his duplicity and gives back the one crystal he has left. His girlfriend friend has the last one, so of course that’s where we are headed next. 

The mummy gets into her place while she’s getting a shower. 

He rips back the curtain but she isn’t wearing the necklace with the crystal on it. He sees it on the basin and off he goes with stone number four. 

McCadden is at the reactor building. He’s waiting around for something when he spots the triangle thing the mummy has been putting the stones on. He takes the one out of his pocket and places it one of the holes. Now there are four stones with one hole left. Just then Rossmore (James Karen), Serrano and the campus cop show up. Serrano accuses McCadden of taking the mummy and hiding it. He is going to call Lt Plummer, get McCadden arrested and then he’ll  be the big time professor. 

Before he can do that though, the mummy comes strolling in. He heads over to his triangle thing and puts the last pretty rock in place. The lights go out and the mummy starts glowing. Turns out he is not just a mummy after all but an alien.

 Serrano tells the cop to shoot it but McCadden jumps in between them and gets shot in the shoulder. He falls down at the aliens feet. The alien reaches down to McCadden who then grabs the aliens hand. Then suddenly the both of them dissappear. All that is left behind is one of the crystals. Serrano runs to grab it. When he does it turns his hand black. 

** As the closing credits role, Tom declares that this is the worst movie they have ever watched. Joel and Crow start naming off all the other movies they have watched and Tom still think this one is the worst. That is until they get to The Castle of Fu Manchu. Tom concedes that it is just as bad as this one. 

Joel and the bots present the TV’s Frank Shopping Network. 

They try to get Frank to push the button to bring them home but Dr Forrester stops him and administers a little punishment as well. 

Ben Murphy starred in Alias Smith and Jones in the 1970’s

Austin Stoker is best know for the 1976 film Assault on Precinct 13. 

James Karen played the real estate developer in Poltergeist.

## Best Riffs 

##  Did Ancient Astronauts wear Lee Press-On Nails?!?

## “So Jack, how do I look?” Cheap.

## “You’ve been X-raying this mummy with ten time the normal dose!” He could die!

Oh my god this movie was so boring. Literally the best thing was the closing credits. The closing skit is the only saving grace for the episode. 1 out of 5. 

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Episode 404

Teenagers From Outer Space

Joel is trying to get the bots to stop saying “ABC Mystery Movie” every time they see a flashlight during the movie. He gives them electro shocks when they do. Tom tricks Joel into saying it and Joel is forced to give himself a jolt.

Tom and Crow’s invention is the scratch and sniff report card. Dr Forrester and Frank are sure that ventriloquism is going to be the next entertainment boom so they converted a bunch of Resusci Annie dolls into dummies. When theirs stops working they have to perform CPR on it.

TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE

A small black dog runs across a rocky valley and starts barking at a spaceship that has landed there. The top of the ship opens and one of the aliens shoots the dog with some sort of ray gun which instantly turns it into nothing but a skeleton. 

One by one the aliens emerge from the ship with various test equipment. One of the crew, Derek, looks wistfully at the remains of the dog before starting his testing. Each member reports on their findings to the Captain. Derek notices that the dog had an ID tag. He picks it up and proclaims there is intelligent life on the planet. Thor, who vaporized the dog, scoffs at Derek. Thor seems to like killing things.

The Captain orders a crew member to bring out the Gargon, a lobster like creature, to see how it responds to earth’s atmosphere, but Derek (David Love) whips out his own ray gun and demands they leave the planet. It turns out Derek is not happy with more than just the planet. He criticizes their entire way of life, from living in cubicles, to killing off the old, to abandonment of family and friends. He is just not having it anymore. He read about how their home planet was much different before in a small book he is carrying. When the Captain ask to see book, he pulls the old switch-a-roo and grabs the guns from Derek. The Captain tells Derek he will be subject to torture when they get home. He also reminds him they are the superior race so all other life is beneath them.

They need the planet to raise the Gargon, which is a source of food for them. While Thor keeps watch on Derek they check how the Gargon is doing. 

It seems to be doing just fine. The Captain decides to contact the leaders of their plant with the great news. Suddenly the Gargon is not doing so good. Well crap I guess this planet simply will not do after all. They get ready to leave. Of course this means that Derek still get in trouble for his actions. With everyone preparing to leave, Derek is able to get away and takes off running. Thor wants to shoot Derek of course but the Captain stops him. He informs him that Derek is the Leader’s son, though Derek is unaware of it.

Just as suddenly as before, the Gargon begins to thrive. So I guess this planet is suitable after all. The captain decides to send trigger happy Thor after Derek while the rest of the crew head back to retrieve more Gargon.

Derek makes it into the nearby town. A gas station attendant tells him what the dog tag says. The dog’s name was Sparky and the address is just a few blocks away. Meanwhile, Thor gets a ride into town from one of the friendly towns folk.

Derek finds his way to the address on the tag. There he meets Betty and her grandfather Joe.

 It just so happens they have a room for rent. Looks like Derek has found himself a place to stay.

Thor starts quizzing the driver about how the car works. The man is a little stunned by all of his questions but still shows him the basics.

** Break

** Joel and the bots use how Derek was able to rent the room in the movie to show the difference between reel life and real life.

Betty (Dawn Bender) convinces Grandpa Joe to let Derek stay for free until he can get a job, seeing how he is new in town.  They even let him use some of Betty’s brother’s clothes since he is married now and living elsewhere. 

Just then Joe, Betty’s boyfriend honks his car horn out front. Betty hurries out to see him but he has bad news. He can’t make their swim date on account of his job. He works for the newspaper and has to go interview some people about a flying saucer they saw earlier. Joe drives away but Betty still wants to go swimming.

Thor and his ride are getting some gas at the same station Derek was at earlier. When the attendant notices that Thor has the same outfit as Derek, he mentions it to him. Thor demands to know where Derek went to. 

He grabs the attendant then pulls his gun on him. He gets the information, and then shots both of them, turning them into skeletons.

Betty and Derek drive over to her friend Alice’s home. As they head for the door, Derek tries to tell Betty about her dog but can’t seem to get the words out. Alice is already in her pool when Derek and Betty walk up. Derek drops Sparky’s ID tag into the pool. Alice retrieves it, gives it to Betty and finally Derek tells her about Sparky. Betty wants to see for herself what happened to her dog.

Grandpa Joe is watering some plants when Thor pulls up. Gramps tells him Derek is over at Alice’s place.

Betty and Derek arrive at the spaceship landing site. Derek shows her Sparky’s bones but she just can’t believe it. Derek does his best to explain things to her.

Thor walks in on Alice, still swimming in her pool. He demands to know where the others went. Alice doesn’t care for his attitude so she starts to swim away. Thor vaporizes her.

Betty and Derek head over to the college to see Professor Simpson. They leave a note for grandpa. Joe calls the house looking for Betty. He is at the gas station looking into the events from earlier so he won’t be able to pick up Betty for a while.

Thor gets back to the house and sure enough, grandpa tells him where they were headed.

At the college the series of just missing each other continues. Professor Simpson has not arrived yet so our two heroes decide to wait for him in the faculty parking lot. As they leave the professor comes in the other door. Just after that, Thor shows up. A janitor points out the professor’s office. Betty and Derek see the professor’s car and head back to his office.

Thor gets there first. He makes his usual demands and when the befuddled old man tries to call the police, Thor (Bryan Grant) can’t help but scorch him. For some reason he climbs out the window and keeps looking for Derek.

Betty and Derek get back to the office but discover what’s left of the instructor. 

Derek realizes that someone from the ship is looking for him. Betty realizes that grandpa maybe in danger. They rush to a payphone and call him. He tells them about the other man and Betty tells him to get out of the house right away. Grandpa hangs up and sees Thor pull out in front of the house. Thor bursts in with his gun drawn ready for some blasting but gramps has snuck out the back. Meanwhile Betty and Derek head for city hall. Thor finds gramps (Harvey B. Dunn) and makes him drive to city hall.

** Break

** Joel and the bots jettison some snacks out into space and try to get them into a trash bin they have set up

Betty and Derek make it to city hall but Thor gets there just after. Several police detectives get into a gun battle with Thor and his ray gun and two of them get vaporized. Eventually Thor takes one in the shoulder then he slips away. The detectives and Derek start looking for him.

About this time Joe shows up. He talks to Betty then goes to help grandpa. Derek comes back to city hall and tries to convince Betty to hide inside. Betty sees some blood on the sidewalk and then some on a car door. Oh no, its Thor.

 He makes Betty and Derek take him to a doctor to get the bullet removed.

Joe and grandpa can’t figure out what happened to Betty and Derek. The detectives come back, see the blood and put two and two together.

Back at the doctor’s home, Thor tries to keep watch on Derek and Betty while the doctor starts removing the bullet. Thor refuses anesthetic so he is in lots of pain. Derek asks him why he is trying to kill him. He tells him about the Gargon and also that Derek is the Leader’s son. The pain starts to get to Thor and he begins drifting in and out of consciousness. This lets Betty, Derek and the doctor escape. Thor stumbles around the looking for them before finally passing out in the front doorway.

The three escapees get to city hall again when the doctor remembers that his nurse is due to arrive at his home. He tries to call her there. She sees Thor lying on floor so she dresses his wound before she answers the phone. The doctor tells her high tail it out of there but Thor has awoken and forces her to take him for a drive.

Derek tells Betty about the Gargon, how big they will get and that more are coming. The only way to stop them is with Thor’s fancy ray gun.

Joe (Tom Graeff) and a detective go out to the spaceship landing site and have a gander at Sparky’s bones. They decide to take a look in the old cave.

Thor still has the nurse held hostage. He plans on going to the old cave and hold up there until the rest of the space “teenagers” arrive.

The cave is very dark so, Joe brings some flash bulbs for his camera to help see. Before he can, the detective is attacked and eaten by something. Just then Thor and the nurse arrive. He sees Joe and tries to fire a blast at him but the nurse swerves the car and Joe is able to get to his car and drive off. When the nurse refuses to follow Joe, Thor whacks her over the head and takes over the driving. Time for a car chase scene.

Thor is hot on Joe’s tail but starts having trouble with the pain again. The nurse awakens just in time to jump from the car as Thor loses consciousness and drives the car over a ridge. It tumbles to the bottom of the ravine seriously injuring him. Joe picks up the nurse and goes to warn everyone about the beast in the cave.

Later Betty and Derek head to the crash site. Derek wants to try and find the disintegrator ray gun so he can be the hero and get rid of the Gargon. He leaves Betty in the car and starts looking. Betty just can’t stay in the car so she wants to help him. She stumbles on the way down the slope. Derek catches her and they fall to the ground together. 

Betty finally figures out that Derek is an alien. He tells her about how crappy his home world is and that he will make earth his home, and then they share a passionate kiss before continuing the search. Oh no, it’s the Gargon. Betty runs to the car as Derek finds the gun, but it doesn’t work. He grabs a big rock and hurls it. Bull’s-eye! The Gargon backs off and Derek makes it to the car. He is going to have to find out how to get the gun to work if he wants to save the earth.

Armed search parties are out looking for the Gargon but it has gotten even bigger and it just kicks the crap out of every last one of them.

Derek disassembles the gun and finds the problem. Looks like muffler bearings have gone bad. That and the power source is damaged. He will need to discover some other way to power it.

The Gargon continues to move towards town. Officials contact the military for help and instruction everyone to take shelter.

** Break

** Crow is talking about how boring it gets on the ship when they get a visitor in a cool looking demonic spaceship. The visitor turns out to be pretty lame though.

Derek and Betty have a plan to stop the Gargon. They grab some tools and start heading toward the beast with the non-working ray gun. They spot the giant so Derek starts climbing a power pole.

 Betty finds an emergency call box and contacts the power station. They shut off the power and Derek cuts the lines. He connects them to the gun and they fire the lines back up, but it not enough power. Betty frantically tells the operator they need more power. At the last moment Derek is finally able to get the weapon to work putting an end to the monstrosity.

Derek realizes that more of his people will be arriving soon. He changes back into his space uniform and makes Joe drive him to where they are keeping the injured Thor.

They get Thor and Derek makes Joe do some more driving. Betty and grandpa go to the landing site, then Derek and the others show up. Thor is just as belligerent as ever and he wants Derek to shoot everyone. The first spaceship lands and Derek and Thor go to meet it. Out climb the captain (King Moody) and Derek’s dad. The other ships are waiting on the signal from the first ship to start landing. Derek convinces everyone that he is one of them again and they let him guide the ships.

This time it’s Derek’s turn to pull a fast one. He sends instructions to all the ships that cause them to crash into his ship killing all of the aliens. Betty, Joe and grandpa head home knowing Derek sacrificed himself to save them.

** Joel and the bots make note of the aliens costumes were just coveralls with duct tape on them so they made some of their own. Dr Forrester is having dinner with his Resusci Annie doll while Frank is his waiter.

Cast

This was the only full length film David Love was ever in.

Dawn Bender was cast at age 7 as little Margaret Herbert in the popular radio drama One Man’s Family. She continued as Margaret for 17 years, until it’s end in 1959.

As part of a deal to finance the film Bryan Grant was given the role of Thor.

Harvey B. Dunn appeared in several 1950s B movies including three Ed Wood films, Bride of the Monster, Night of the Ghouls, and The Sinister Urge.

Tom Graeff was the writer, director, and producer of the film. Graeff later had a mental break down and proclaimed that he was Jesus Christ II, and that God had shown him truth and love. He committed suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning on December 19, 1970, at age 41.

King Moody was best known for playing Shtarker in the television series Get Smart.

## Best Riffs

## Who decorated this house? Wayland Flowers? 

## Menopause can feel like a speeding car chase

## HI I’m Curt Gowdy. Join me and Phil Harris as we go after big Texas Lobster. 

## Too much Chlorine

 

Fun episode. The film is very low budget but actually has a story to follow with a plot twist at the end. 4 out of 5.