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Episode 313

Earth vs the Spider
(With the short Speech – using your voice)
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** Crow has a talk show called “Inside the Robot Mind” and his guest is Tom Servo. The show doesn’t go very far because the two of them keep complimenting each other. The Mads invention is a cheese phone but they stole the idea from Joel. He invents a cd player hair dryer so he can blow dry his hair while blowing his mind.

A young salesman is trying to convince a customer to make a purchase. He rambles on very quickly and loses the sale. A man then explains that many sales are lost because of poor speech. He says that you need to be heard, understood and pleasing.
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We then see several examples of poor public speaking. The man says each of these people’s problem can be traced back to carelessness. This is followed by closeups of people’s mouths speaking as well as examples of proper speaking. The man finishes up with some more advice on using your speaking voice properly.

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A man is driving a pickup truck down a highway at night. He picks up a gift box from the seat. In it is a bracelet for his daughter, Carol. Suddenly he sees something in the road. The man slams on his brakes but he is struck in the face by what ever it was and crashes his truck.
The next day Carol is walking to school when her friend Mike comes up to her. He hands her a gift.
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It’s Carol’s birthday. Carol is worried since her father didn’t come home last night. Mike tries to reassure her that nothing is wrong since it isn’t the first time he hasn’t come home. Carol doesn’t take kindly to the implication and tells Mike to take his present back. She runs off in a huff to class.
Later the two of them are in Mr. Kingman’s science class. Carol isn’t mad at Mike anymore so she asks him to help look for her father. They borrow a friends car and drive along the same highway after school. The come across some sort of rope attached to a tree and some broken glass in the road. Carol (June Kenney) finds a gift box on the ground. Its the one that her father had. Mike keeps trying to come up with explanations for what happened when they see her father’s truck down an embankment. They scramble down to take a look but there is no sign of her father.
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Mike thinks maybe he went into a nearby cave so they start heading for it.

** Break
** Crow has written a screen play in hopes of getting rich if they ever get back to earth. It’s called “Earth vs Soup”. He gets Joel and Tom to read out some lines to see if it’s any good. Needless to say it’s not very good.

Mike walks up to the cave and finds Carol’s father’s hat. He hides it from her so she does get upset. They both start into the cave but Mike suggests he should go. Carol follows him anyway.
As they head in deeper, Carol calls for her dad. Her yelling causes a stalactite to break loose. It nearly slams into her. Luckily Mike pulled her out of the way. They continue on and come across several full human skeletons.
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Carol can’t bear the thought that one might be her dad so they keep looking. Just a little further they both fall off a ledge into a giant net but this net is kind of sticky. It’s like the rope they found earlier. Suddenly they hear some strange noises. Then they see it. A giant tarantula and it’s coming right at them. They scramble their way out of what is now obviously a web and high tail it out of there.
They take a piece of the web to Mr. Kingman’s house. He and his wife are not sure of what make of the kids story. Mr. Kingman calls sheriff Cagle. He is already aware of the spider story, since Mike and Carol had stopped there first, but he didn’t believe them.
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Kingman (Ed Kemmer) convinces the sheriff to at least search the area for Carol’s father. He also tells him get a bunch of DDT just in case. Cagle thinks the whole thing is hilarious.
A large group of locals joins the sheriff to search the area near the cave. Mike, Carol and Kingman are there as well as some pest control guys. Everyone heads into the cave and starts searching. After a few minutes the sheriff starts mocking the whole proceedings. He gets everyone laughing except for Kingman. He thinks there is something in the cave. He mentions there are no birds or other animals in the cave. Just then a bat flies over head so Cagle, being a good sheriff, fires several shots at. Down comes the bat. In your face science boy.
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Mike (Eugene Persson) and Carol walk ahead of the group a bit. Carol lets out a scream and everyone comes running. It’s her father and he is very dead. Dispite the fact that all the blood has been sucked out from his body, the sheriff still doesn’t think it’s the work of a spider. He and Kingman try to find the web those crazy kids said they saw. When he sees it, Cagle (Gene Roth) calls for the DDT. They start spraying the area which brings the spider out of hiding. They turn the spray on to it as well as firing away with several guns. The tarantula is able to kill one of the deputies before it collapses dead.
As everyone leaves the cave, Carol realizes she has lost the bracelet he father had got for her. She wants to go back in and find it but she can’t since the cave is filled with DDT now. Mike says he will bring her back later to look for it.
The sheriff wants to board up the entrance to the cave but Kingman wants to get a better look at the spider.
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They bicker for a bit but Kingman gets his way. He wants to haul the thing out of there and the sheriff tells him to go right ahead.

** Break
** Joel and the bots have formed a band called the Spiders. They are dressed up and ready to rock but can’t decide what type of music to play. Suddenly another ship pulls along side them. It’s an intergalactic janitor and he not putting up with their shenanigans. When he gets called away to some other problem the gang is finally ready to rock but then it’s movie sign.

The spider is brought to the school gymnasium so Mr. Kingman can study it. While he and the principal are looking at it, one of the spiders legs moves and knocks the principal over. Kingman assures him it’s dead and it was just a twitch.
Carol is at home and she is devastated by her father’s death. Her mother tries to comfort her but Carol blames herself. If he hadn’t gone to get her that gift it never would have happened.image

Her mom says it’s time to move on and she tells her Mike called her earlier. She calls him at the movie theater his father owns and convinces him to take her back to the cave to look for the bracelet.
They head over to school to find Joe and borrow his car again. Meanwhile Joe and his band are needing to rehearse for the bid dance tomorrow but they can’t get into the gym. They con Hugo (Hank Patterson) the janitor into letting them in. image

Once they get inside and get a look at the spider, Sam, the bass player, thinks maybe they should leave. Joe gives him a razing and Sam (Skip Young) agrees to stay. They are just about ready to start playing when they hear a shriek. Hugo forgot the lock the door and now all the kids from the drama club have come in. We’ll the band starts playing so the drama kids start dancing.
The music seems to wake up the obviously not dead spider. More shrieking ensues and all the kids run out the door. Hugo comes to see what the commotion is about then rushes to the phone. He calls Kingman but the spider gets him just as he starts talking. Kingman calls the sheriff and they both head for the school. Before leaving, Kingman tells Mrs. Kingman (Sally Fraser) to stay inside with their baby.
Mike and Carol make it to the cave and head inside.
Kingman and the sheriff get to the school and see a bunch of kids running in fear. The Spider comes around the corner and Cagle fires a few shots at it but it keeps on coming.
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Kingman jumps in his car and takes off while Cagle tries to head into a nearby business but the door is locked. It looks like the sheriff is a goner but Kingman pulls up and the sheriff jumps in. Everyone in town takes off running as the giant arachnid starts walking around.
Kingman and Cagle make it back to the sheriff’s office. He tries to call the governor for some help but he can’t get through. They send one of the deputies on a motorcycle to try and get some help.
The town is a mess after the spider is through with it. Kingman gets word that it’s heading right towards his home. He drives off after it. Sure enough it attacks his home with the misses and child inside. Kingman slams his car into it and the spider break off the attack and starts after Kingman’s car. He leads it away from town and off into the hills. He is able to give it the slip and then heads back home. He finds his wife and baby are okay. He informs the sheriff that the spider is headed south.
Mike and Carol are searching the old spider cave for her bracelet. The look around the area and finally find it. Oh joy, now they can head home. About this time the spider heads into the cave.
At the sheriff’s office, they are still waiting for help to arrive when Kingman shows up. He’s carrying the body of the deputy that went for help.
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Guess he never made it. The sheriff remarks that he had wanted to seal up the cave. Then he glares at Kingman.
One of the residents comes in and tells them the spider is back in the cave. The sheriff orders the road foreman to get some dynamite so they can blow up the entrance. The sheriff asks Mike’s father to hold down the fort while Cagle, Kingman and some others head for the cave. After they leave the phone rings. It’s Joe from the band. He’s looking for Mike and Carol. They haven’t returned with his car yet and he is not sure where they went.

** Break
** Joel and the bots are making Creepy Crawlers. Tom wants to know why they don’t sell these anymore. Joel explains that kids would get hurt on toys like this one and they would have to stop selling them. They list a bunch of other toys that this happened to like lawn darts.

Back in the cave, Mike and Carol are having trouble finding their way out. They both are getting hungry, so Mike splits a candy bar with her. That’s when they hear that strange noise again. They run and hide before the spider gets near them. Outside, the sheriff and his crew start unloading the dynamite. Meanwhile, Mike’s father and Carol’s mom are driving around looking for the two would be spelunkers.
Mike and Carol find their way back to the giant web and start climbing through it.
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Carol gets stuck and here comes the spider.
The dynamite is in place, so everyone clears the area. Just then the parents show up. Before they can say anything, boom goes the dynamite and that’s that.
When the dust clears they realize they are going to have to dig the two of them out, so the crew start unloading some digging supplies. Now they are worried the spider will get out again. Kingman has an idea. They can electrocute the spider using the nearby power lines. Time to get some cable.
Inside the cave, Mike and Carol are already dead having been buried in the explosion. What’s this! They’re alive. The two scramble to their feet and head for the entrance. Of course it’s now blocked. The crew outside use some more dynamite to try and blow an escape hole higher up in the cave. Mike and Carol start hollering for help and run towards the explosion. The crew outside can hear them. You know who else heard them. The not dead spider. Mike and Carol look for a place to hide.
The work crew break through and create an opening. They lower a makeshift ladder inside and climb in. They also begin lowering a bunch of the electrical cables while Kingman and the sheriff start searching for the kids. They find them but the spider is between them. They throw one of the cables over to Mike while Kingman holds the other. They turn on the juice and zap the crap out of the spider.
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It falls down into a deeper part of the cave. Everyone climbs out of the cave to safety. The sheriff drops one last load of dynamite into the hole and seals it up for good.

** Joel had Tom and Crow do some home work on director Bert I Gordon. Tom gives a well researched report while Crow tries to tie Gordon to Orson Wells. Down in deep 13, Frank is sick from eating all the cheese.

Ed Kemmer starred in the television show Space Patrol from 1951 to 1956
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June Kenney appeared in many low-budget films like this one through out the 1950s. 
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Eugene Persson left acting a short time after this movie and began producing plays. He co-produced and co-created You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown in 1967.
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Gene Roth appeared in many Three Stooges features.
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Sally Fraser appeared in Episode 311 “It Conquered the World”
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Skip Young played  Wally Plumstead in The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet. 
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Hank Patterson played Hank Miller on Gunsmoke for more than a decade and Fred Ziffel on Petticoat Junction and Green Acres. His great-niece is actress Téa Leoni.
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Best Riffs

## Carol, “Mike I’m scared of being alone”
Oh aren’t we all?
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## It says danger weak plot ahead this means you.
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## Dial 1-900-boring-boyfriend. He’d love to talk to you about his uncle from Milwaukee.
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## What’s your problem?
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## Sheriff, “You want to go for it in the truck Simpson? ”
Kinky!!!!
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I really enjoyed this episode. The host segments were good and the riffs are really solid. The only draw back is the short which is kind of bland. If the movie, which is a great 50’s B-Movie was longer that might help. But then again there is no way this movie should be any longer. 4 out of 5.

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Episode 312

Gamera vs Guiron
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** Tom and Crow are comparing what they have in their lunch boxes. Tom has a note from a mom in his box. Crow reminds him he doesn’t have a mom. Joel scolds them for using real food since it will get in their circuits . Crow says he was having American cheese and that’s not real food.
For the invention exchange Dr Forrester and Frank made ink blot tests for a psychology magazine. Joel made a collapsible trash can.

Scientists around the world have been picking up strange sound waves that appear to be coming from outer space. At a news conference a scientist is explaining what is going on. They think it may be coming from spacemen.
Later two boys, Akio and Tom, and Akio’s little sister, Tomoko, are looking through a telescope when they see a flying saucer. They think they know where it landed but Akio’s mother tells them they just imagined it and that it’s time for bed.
The next day the three of them ride their bikes to see if they can find the spaceship. They run into a police officer that lives nearby. He tells them to be good and some stuff but this takes way longer than is necessary so let’s skip ahead a little. They find the spaceship just where they thought it would be.
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There is a door open on the ship so the boys go inside and have a look around. They sit down and suddenly the door closes and the craft lifts off leaving Tomoko behind. The ship heads into space and right into a bunch of asteroids. One of them is headed right at them. With no control of the ship they are doomed to die in space. But wait, it’s Gamera. He flies up and breaks the asteroid in half saving the kids. Yeah Gamera. He flies along with the ship on its unknown course.

** Break
** Joel and the bots sing a song about Gamera and throw in a few jabs at Dr Forrester and Frank while they are at it.

Gamera tries to stop the ship but it keeps going faster and faster leaving him behind.
Tomoko runs home to tell her mother what happened but she doesn’t believe her.
The spaceship has landed on another planet. The boys get out to see what’s up with this place. They see a monster fly over head.
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It lands and starts blasting things with its laser blasting thing. The boys scramble for cover. Just then the ground opens up and another monster comes out. This one has a head that looks like a kitchen knife. The first monster fires his laser at knife head but he deflects the beam back and it cuts off its leg. The bladed one then makes quick work of the other one by chopping off its wings and then it’s head.  After that he returns to his underground hideout.
The boys decide to look around some more. They head into a building and ride a moving floor.
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They meet two women who explain to them that the planet’s name is Terra and it is directly opposite of the sun from the earth. There names are Barbella and Florbella. They are the only two left on the planet and they use the blade headed monster, Guiron, protects them from the space gyaos.

** Break
** Joel tries to perform a magic trick. He is going to cut Crow in half using Tom’s head which has a big knife on it like Guiron. Suddenly the real Crow comes in from off camera and ruins the trick.

The girls explain that their planet is getting colder and colder and will soon freeze over. They are stuck living in the building they are in. The boys suggest they all fly back to earth on the ship they came on.
Meanwhile Gamera is still flying through space looking for the boys. He spots the other planet and heads for it.
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The girls tell the boys to rest up while they get the ship ready, but it’s a trick. The ship will only hold two people. The girls use psychic powers to probe Akio’s mind and learn about Gamera and how he saves children. They also learn the boys are hungry so they plan on making them some donuts with sleeping power. When they fall asleep they will eat the boys brains. Wow that just took a weird turn.
Back on earth, Tom’s mother comes to pick him up at Akio’s house but Akio’s mother does not know where they are. She tells her about Tomoko’s story and how they are in space. They both assume Tom just wants to stay longer so his mother leaves. Unbeknownst to her, Tomoko has snuck into her car. She pops up from the back seat tells Tom’s mother her story really did happen. They find the cop from earlier and go to where the spaceship was before. Tom’s mom thinks it’s all nonsense but the cop tells Tomoko he will find her brother.
One of the girls brings some donuts and milk to the boys.
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The boys gobble up the food and promptly pass out. The ladies put Akio in a sort of cone device and shave his head. Just as they are starting to cut open his scull an alarm goes off. It’s Gamera. The girls fire a missile at Gamera but as expected it has no effect on the turtle. They decide to send Guiron to fight him.
Gamera lands and the fighting begins. Guiron gives Gamera a nasty cut before getting thrown by Gamera. Gamera flames him but Guiron is able to shoot some ninja stars at him. Boy do those sting.
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When Guiron tries a second volley, Gamera deflects one right back and into Guiron. Gamera breaks off the fight and takes a plunge into a nearby lake to try a heal himself.
The girls realize the spaceship was damaged during the fight. They decide to put off eating the boys brains for now and work on the ship.  Tom has awakened and over hears this. He wakes Akio and tells him about their plan. The two come to the conclusion they had better make a break for it. The girls spot them and give chase and eventually catch them. This time they put the boys in a cage for safe keeping.
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Back on earth the moms and Tomoko are waiting around for the boys to return when a group if reporters show up asking Tomoko about the spaceship. The moms realize then that Tomoko’s story was real.

** Break
** Joel and the bots make a presentation about how the boy that plays Tom in the movie looks vaguely like a young Richard Burton.

The boys start hollering for Gamera hoping he will save them but he is still hiding out underwater. Tom has a dart gun. They try to fire a dart at one of the switches on the control panel to see if it will open the cage. He fires but the switch he hits opens the doors to let Guiron loose again.
The girls are on the ship and have got it ready to fly when they notice Guiron coming towards them. He is not happy about the way the girls have controlled him all these years so the two cannibals decide to take off for earth right then leaving the boys behind. As they fly away Guiron leaps in the air and cuts the spaceship in two.
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Barbella is injured in the wreck. She asked Florbella to help her but Florbella tells her she is useless now and shoots her with a ray gun.
Guiron turns his attention to the buildings where the boys are trapped. He starts chopping away which causes them to start breaking up. The boys are able to escape their cage and then Gamera finally reappears. He and Guiron do battle again. Guiron gets him with the stars again but the boys help Gamera by trapping Guiron in his underground chamber.
Florbella makes it back to the control room and starts plotting how to get back at the boys. Guiron breaks out of his chamber and goes looking for Gamera who is back underwater. Guiron jumps in after him but Gamera turns the tables on him. He grabs Guiron, flies him high in the air and then jams his head into the ground.
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Florbella gets some missiles ready to launch to destroy Gamera and the boys. Gamera grabs one missile out of the air while the other slams into the very building Florbella is in killing her. Gamera then hits Guiron with the missile he has to finish him off. Gamera picks up the severed spaceship and welds it back together. The boys climb in and Gamera carries them back to earth. On earth, Tomoko, the mothers, the press, some scientists and everyone else are waiting for the boys return. Gamera swoops in and safely returns the boys. Everyone is happy including Gamera.

** Joel and the bots sing the Gamera song while Frank and Dr Forrester have a lounge singer telling them amusing stories about famous crooners of old.
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He also sings his own version of the Gamera song. Of course they have to kill him.

For most of the cast this was the peak of or only acting credit of their career.

Best Riffs

## Say! What a dish!
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## Here comes Ole Flat-Top!
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## Do you mind if I smell your daughter?
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## It’s a giant #2 pencil.
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(Joel trying to hold down the ship)
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This is one of my least favorite episodes. Maybe it’s because it’s the last Gamera movie but I was really bored for most of it. The host segments were the only thing that saves this episode, especially Mike as the lounge singer at the end. 
2 out of 5.

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Episode 311

It Conquered the World
(With the short – Snow Thrills)
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** Joel tries to do a ventriloquism act using Crow as his dummy. Crow thinks it’s weird so it falls apart after a bit. Crow tries to use Joel as his dummy but it also fails. Dr Forrester and Frank make nooses for Halloween costumes. Joel make a portable conch shell with headphones so you can listen to the ocean. Frank refuses to send the movie until Dr Forrester gives him that look.

First up is the short – Snow Thrills.
The thrills include speed skating, figure skating, ice yachting, dog sledding, a polar bear plunge, skiing, ski jumping, ice fishing, ski joring and bobsledding. Unfortunately none of them are very thrilling.

Now the movie.

A group of technicians, led by Dr. Paul Nelson, are monitoring their instruments. They are preparing for a satellite launch.
The scene shifts to an office where Dr. Tom Anderson is trying to convince the government to call off the satellite launch. He feels the launch will endanger the whole planet. He explains that aliens are monitoring the earth and will not take kindly to the launch. The officials inform him that it’s too late. The satellite was about to launch anyway. He leaves in a huff. The satellite is launched without any problems.
Later Tom is home having dinner with his wife Claire. Look whose there. It’s Paul and his wife Joan.
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It’s three months after the launch and Paul is pretty happy with the way everything has gone so far. Tom is pretty happy himself and takes Paul into the other room to show him why. It’s man’s work so the women start to clean up from diner. Tom has a radio that he claims is picking up communications from Venus. Paul is interested but just then the phone rings. The satellite has disappeared and Paul (Peter Graves) has to get back to institute to help locate it.

** Break
** Joel and the bots have their own winter cavalcade of fun. They include Splating – a combination on speed skating and kick boxing. There is also ice fishing (where they fish for ice cubes), hockey ball, standing around on a frozen lake, badminton with a barbie doll frozen in a block of ice, cat snapping (breaking frozen cats in half) and frozen pole frenching.

Claire is upset with Tom. She knows what he is saying sounds nutty. Paul makes it back to the institute and finds out the satellite is back. No one is quite sure what happened.
That night, Tom goes to the radio and starts talking to his Venusian friend.
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The voice just sounds like low tones that Tom can some how understand. It was the Venusian that messed with the satellite. Claire wakes up and urges Tom to not let his imagination get the better of him and get some sleep. Tom is sure the Venusian only wants to help the people of earth. Tom can’t go to bed but later he falls asleep on the couch.
The next day at the institute, the technicians are trying to bring the satellite back down to earth but it’s not working. While this is happening the Venusian has actually taken over the satellite and is try to land it but it crashes. Luckily he survived and contacts Tom. Tom is very excited but Claire is losing patiences with him. She heads into town hoping Tom will stop with this nonsense.
The Venusian is hiding in the woods. He wiggles his antenna or appendage or something and somehow causes all electrical power to stop working. Phones, machines, clocks, everything stops. Paul and Joan are driving back to the institute when their car stops working. They decide to walk to Tom’s house to see if he can help them.
Tom is talking to his alien pal. I guess his power isn’t out. He tells the Venusian the names of all the governmental people and scientists in the area, including Paul. Apparently the alien has some sort of control devices that he plans on using on them. Tom is really excited about this and wants to see one of them. Out in the woods, the little alien releases some bat like creatures. These must be the controlling devices.
In town everyone is in a panic trying to figure out what is going on. Tom walks into town and one of the towns folk attacks him. A police officer breaks it up. Tom (Lee Van Cleef) finds Claire and they head for his car.
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Paul and Joan are still walking towards Tom’s house when they see one of the bat things from the alien. Not sure what it is, Paul does what any good scientist would do when he sees something unusual. He throws a rock at it. He misses and it flies away. They continue on with their walking.
Tom and Claire arrive home in his car. Tom explains to Claire that the Venusian stopped everything and only his stuff will still work since he has been helping the alien.
In town one of the bats finds its first victim. It bites a police officer on the neck.

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He falls to the ground but then gets up and goes on his way.
Finally Paul and Joan make it to Tom’s place. He and Claire invite them in for some drinks. Tom tells them he knows why everything has stopped working.
Over at the institute, the power is out there just like everywhere else. General Pattick, who is in charge of the satellite tests, decided to walk to the nearest base to see what is going on over there. While walking through the woods, he gets bitten by a bat thing.
Paul is not sure of what to make of Tom and this Venusian character. Tom insist that everything will be great soon and everyone will realize how great Tom is. Despite all of Tom’s boasting, Paul is just not convinced this is any good. He and Joan decide to head home. Tom says he will take them in his car.

** Break
** Joel, Tom and Crow pretend they are having a dinner party. All they do is complain about the food and each other.

Claire is still annoyed with Tom but she says she will support him. Tom calls the alien and tells him he can follow his car to get Paul.
Meanwhile General Pattick comes back to the lab. He tells the couple of soldiers stationed there to pack up their gear and head out into the woods and look for anything suspicious. He then tells the technicians that the communist are the cause of all the problems.

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He orders them to stay indoors. Of course he is being controlled by the alien. 
Paul and Joan make it home. Despite the fact that they have no power also, Paul still doesn’t believe in Tom’s story. He thinks there must be some logical explanation for all this.
Everyone in town has been ordered to evacuate. Tom calls his Venusian pal to see what he can do next.
Paul decides to head back to the institute. He tells Joan to stay inside and he grabs a bike out of his garage. Just after he pedals away, one of the bat things swoops in on Joan.
The police officer is checking to see if everyone has left town. He stops at the towns newspaper office. The editor refuses to leave so the cop shoots him. Paul sees this and tries to intervene but the cop hits him over the head with the button of his gun and down goes Paul.
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The policeman gets a message from the alien to let Paul go. Paul rides off on his bike.
Back at Tom’s place, he is telling Claire all about the controlling devices and how it will be so great and there will be no more fear and no more war and no more emotions and no more foolish stuff. He gives Claire a big kiss. Claire (Beverly Garland) reminds Tom that there will be no more love in this new world.
Paul makes it back to the institute and finds it closed. The general is there and offers to give Paul a ride to pick up his wife and take them to the military base. Paul puts his bike in the back of the general’s jeep but he suspects something is wrong.
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He bonks the general over the head and takes off with his working jeep. He drives away and one of the bat things goes after him. He shoots at it with the general’s gun but misses and it flies away.
Paul ends up at Tom’s house and confronts him about everything. Tom admits to helping the Venusian. He explains there are eight more of them back on Venus and they are a dieing race. He again tries to convince Paul about how great it will all be and how all will be perfect but Paul knows bullshit when smells it. He vows to fight Tom and the aliens to his last breath. He hops in the jeep and drives away. Claire lays into Tom one more time about how stupid he is being. Tom still doesn’t see the light and warns the alien about Paul.
The jeep suddenly stops working, so Paul hops on the bike.
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He makes it back home only to find that Joan (Sally Fraser) is now controlled by the alien. She releases one of the bats and leaves Paul to his fate. But Paul is a pretty savvy guy. He grabs a poker from the fire place and empales it. Just then his phone rings. It’s Tom. He convinces Paul into coming over to talk. The alien wants Tom to kill Paul because he is too dangerous.
Before he leaves, Paul has to take care of something. He shoots Joan.

** Break
** Crow and Tom want to know why do Peter Graves and James Arness have different last names. Joel explains it’s a Hollywood tradition and tells them about a few others. Then he talks about how some celebrities have the same last name. The three of them sing a song about it.

Claire asks Tom about the alien. Tom gives her a little background on him and tells her where he is hiding in the woods but this only makes Claire dislike the situation all the more.
Over at the institute, one of the technicians, Ellen, has just woke up and noticed the power is back on. She talks to the two other technicians to see what happened. They of course are under the aliens control so they kill Ellen.
Paul makes it to Tom’s place. Claire tries one last time to talk Tom out of killing Paul but it’s no use. He heads outside to meet Paul. Claire has had it. She gets on the radio and gives the Venusian a piece of her mind.
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She also tells him she is going to kill him. As Paul and Tom head into the house, Claire slips out through the garage with a riffle and gets in Paul’s car.
Inside Paul lays into Tom about his traitorous dealings. He tells him the alien is just using him to get what he wants. Meanwhile Claire has made it to where the Venusian is hiding. She heads into the cave to search for it. Paul continues to reason with Tom. Just then Tom notices his riffle is gone. Claire finds the alien and fires at it but he is able to attack and kill her. Tom and Paul can hear the attack on his radio. Finally Paul snaps out of it. He and Paul hop in his car and drive off.
One of the soldiers stumbles across the Venusian and runs back to tell the others what he saw. They grab their gear and head for the cave.
Tom drops Paul off at the institute. He finds Ellen dead on the ground outside. Inside the general and the two technicians are discussing what the alien wants them to do.
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Paul bursts in and shoots all three of them. He leaves the room not realizing the general is not dead. He jumps into a jeep to drive away.
Speaking of driving, Tom has driven out towards the cave but finds the police officer waiting. The officer fires a couple of shorts at him as Tom runs up the hill to hide. The army guys arrive at the cave. They head in with their bayonets ready. About this time Paul’s jeep stops working again so he starts hoofing it. Tom has equipped himself with some sort of flame device and is trying to work his way around the cop. The not dead general finds another jeep and heads off after Paul. Paul hears him coming and takes cover. As the general drives by Paul shoots and this time he gets him good. He commanders this jeep as well.
The troops find Venus man and open fire. Tom gets behind the officer and lights him on fire. He then steals his car. Back in the cave one on the soldiers charges at the Venusian but nothing seems to stop it. They retreat out of the cave and continue firing including using a bazooka but it continues after them.
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Tom arrives and approaches his one time friend but now he is pissed. He shoots his flame thrower at it. With a dying gasp, the Venusian grabs Tom by the neck and kills him. Paul finally gets to the site. He then delivers a final summation about how man has to find perfection from with in.

** Joel and the bots are rewatching Peter Graves final scene again on a little tv while eating tv dinners. After reading a few letters we see that Frank and Dr Forrester are also watching the closing scene while eating.
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Peter Graves appeared in over seventy films, television shows, and television movies. He is best know as Jim Phelps from Mission: Impossible. His older brother was James Arness. Graves died in 2010 at the age of 83
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Lee Van Cleef appeared in 90 movies and over 100 television shows. His big break came after this movie when he starred with Clint Eastwood in Sergio Leone’s “For a Few Dollars More” and then ten years later in “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly”. He starred in many other Spaghetti Westerns as well. He died in 1989, at the age of 64.
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Beverly Garland is best remembered as Barbara Harper Douglas, the woman who married widower Steve Douglas on My Three Sons. Later she played Stephanie Zimbalist’s mother on Remington Steele. She passed away in 2008 at 82 years old. Her family still owns the Beverly Garland Holiday Inn in North Hollywood that she and her late husband owned since the 1970s.
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Sally Fraser is best know for low-budget science fiction movies from the 1950s including War of the Colossal Beast and Earth vs. the Spider. She retired from acting in the 1960s and now lives on a cattle ranch in Idaho.

Riffs
Fourth of July in Minnesota
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We’re out of gas, honey… now would be a good time to tell you about Biography on A&Eamp;image

Oh no, it thinks I’m Tippy Hedren
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“What are my next instructions?” 
Put on a bra and sing Greensleeves
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I really like this episode. The riffs were excellent and the movie, though really dumb, was fun to watch. 5 out of 5

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Episode 310

Fugitive Alien
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** Joel is pretending to be a farmer. He’s turned Tom and Crow into chickens and Gypsy into a cow.
The Mads invention is an eye, ear, nose and throat medicine dropper all combined into one. Joel made a musical chair. Frank and Dr Forrester have a special guest to introduce the movie, it’s Jack Perkins.
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A huge number of alien spacecraft from the planet Valnastar arrive at earth and begin attacking. They intend on wiping out all of the humans on the planet. The aliens run around zapping people with their ray guns. It looks like they will have no problem killing everyone.
One of the aliens is named Ken. He and his partner are taking down one human after another until Ken sees a little boy. He just can’t shoot him. When the boy’s mother comes running up, Ken really can’t shoot them now. His partner tries to but Ken stops him. Ken tells him not to kill women and children. The two begin to scuffle and Ken accidentally kills him. Some of the other Valna see this and call Ken a traitor. They start firing at him as Ken runs away. Though he is wounded, he makes it back to his ship and takes off. The lead alien signals Ken that he will never be allowed to return to Valnastar.
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Ken (Tatsuya Azuma) is able to escape but his ship is malfunctioning. He sees an unknown spacecraft in the area. He decides to bail out of his ship and sets it to self destruct. He makes if clear of the ship before it explodes. Luckily the other ship spots him and brings him on board. The ship is a earth ship called Bacchus 3.
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Just as Ken is waking up, the crew gets a call from Earth about the attack. Ken starts to fight the crew figuring they know he is a wolf raider from Valnastar and will kill him. Joe, the captain, is able to subdue Ken. Suddenly the Valnastar ships come into the area. The Bacchus crew prepare to defend themselves. Ken tells them to change course but it’s to late. The Valna have spotted them and prepare to attack.

** Break
** Joel and the bots have a hat party complete with a hat that makes Joel look like Frank. Crow wears one the that makes fun of Dr Forrester. Frank and Dr Forrester are really ticked off but Jack Perkins thought it was delightful.

Ken slugs the pilot and takes over the controls. He does some fancy flying and is able get the ship into an asteroid field. Once in there, the Valna call off the attack. Ken looks pretty pleased with himself but Joe lays him out for punching one of his crew members.
With the danger passed, the ship returns to earth. The crew disembark with Ken as a prisoner. He is still out cold from Joe’s heavy fist and a tranquilizer. They take him to the medical staff to look him over.
Meanwhile Captain Joe realizes his home was attacked by the Valna. He rushes home and finds his daughter has been killed and his wife in really bad shape.
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So bad in fact she dies soon after he arrives.
Ken wakes up and is able to escape from the medical building he was in. He decides to try and steal a spacecraft so he can get off of earth. Not sure where he plans on going, but he finds the Bacchus 3 and gets on board. Wouldn’t you know it Captain Joe is already there. He has figured out that Ken is a Valna raider. He confronts him about the killing of his wife and child. Ken tells him the story about the kid and the mom and his buddy, but you know all of that.
Joe was planning on retiring after the last flight but since his family is gone he changes his mind. He asks Ken to be a part of his crew seeing how he is stuck here. Ken agrees but Joe warns him he will be watching him closely.
The Valnastar fleet returns to their home planet. The fleet commander, Lord Halkon, summons Ken’s girlfriend, Rita.
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She also just happens to be the sister of the guy Ken killed back in the beginning of the movie. Halkon tells her she must avenge her brother’s death. He orders her to hunt him down and kill him. While running through a desert for some reason, Rita has a little hallucination of Ken.
Back on earth, Captain Joe has been given a new assignment. He is to fly to the planet Karara and help them fight off an invasion by the Valna and Caesarens. At this point Joe has a little flashback about his family.
Ken, after doing a little running, lays down in a field to take break. Ken has his own little flashback about Rita.

** Break
** Joel has Tom and Crow dressed up to look like Ken while he is Capt Joe. He goes a little crazy and punches both of them.

Ken sits up and Tammy, the morale officer from the ships walks over to him. Tammy seems to be a bit smitten with Ken. She asks about Rita and Ken tells her to back off.
The captain, whose seems more and more drunk, gives the crew a briefing on the mission and informs them that Ken is now part of the crew. They all seem a little upset with this at first but, eventually agree. Except for Rocky, the pilot, that is. That night while Ken is out walking around the spaceship, a large forklift comes at him. Ken runs but the lift is right behind him. He is trapped against a shipping container. Ken grabs the forks and slowly pushes the lift backwards, showing his strength the Valna are know for.
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He chases after the driver. When he catches him he realizes it’s Rocky. They scuffle for a while before Joe finds them. Rocky tells Joe that Ken is a Valna Wolf-Raider. Joe tells him he is wrong and that Ken is so strong because he spent time in another galaxy. Rocky storms off. Maybe he doesn’t want to be on the crew.
Sometime later later, Joe visits the grave of his wife and daughter. Ken watches him from behind a tree.
The next day the crew meet for a farewell toast but Rocky isn’t there. He shows up after the toast wanting to be on the crew after all. Then the Bacchus 3 takes off, heading for adventure.
The ship lands on Karara but they don’t seem to eager to see them. Joe and Rocky leave the ship to meet with the Lord of Karara. After they leave, Ken slips away to do a little recon. He makes it to a small village where everyone is dressed as Arabs. He strolls around until he finds a bar. Wouldn’t you know it he gets into a bar fight and accidentally kills a Karara guard. He seems to accidentally kill a lot of people. After a brief chase they apprehend Ken. Joe is made aware for Ken’s capture. They throw Ken in a cell and he is to be executed later.
Joe and the Kararan leader successfully negotiate a deal. Bacchus 3 will help Karara defend themselves from their enemies. Now Joe has to get Ken out of jail.
At night, Joe contacts Ken through a radio hiden in Ken’s spacesuit. Ken needs to find a Caesaren office in another jail cell. Turns out Ken’s spacesuit has a few other things in it. Like an explosive device.

** Break
** Crow and Tom are really confused by the movie. Joel tries to explain how a plot works but the bots still seem to stumble with the idea. Frank and Dr Forrester are trying to figure it out as well, when Jack Perkins comes to help.

Ken uses one of the little explosive buttons from his suit to break out of his cell. He finds the officer and breaks him out. Ken and the officer battle their way out of the jail. They are injured pretty badly in the escape and are found by one of the Arab villagers. Ken awakens to find not some Arab type person but it’s actually his girlfriend Rita. He tells her the story from scene one and she believes him but she knows she must kill him anyway. She raises her gun but she can’t bring herself to kill the man she loves. She drops her gun and embraces Ken. He tells her it will never work between them. He grabs the gun and fires but not at Rita. He shoots two Kararan guards that were sneaking up behind her. Unfortunately for Rita, one of the shots broke off a tree limb and it hit her in the head, killing her.
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That’s three accidental deaths by Ken now.
Ken and the officer eventually find Bacchus 3, much to the delight of Tammy (Miyuki Tanigawa). The ship takes off and then……..

** Joel shows Tom and Crow what some of the buttons on his spacesuit do. One is for portion control. Dr Forrester and Frank have decided to genetically modify Jack Perkins. They start by cutting of his head.

Tatsuya Azuma and Miyuki Tanigawa are know just for this movie and its sequel
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Joe Shishido underwent cheek augmentation surgery in 1957 in an attempt to become more ruggedly handsome. He has been in more than 300 films in his career.
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Best Riffs
## “Watch the steno-pool go wild for his vinyl.
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## Everybody run! Tammy’s got a Gun!
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## Fisher-Price phone, sir.
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This one is a bit tuff to decide. The movie is pretty bad but it’s pieced together from a TV show so that doesn’t help. The plot is down right ridiculous but the riffs and host segments are good. I give it 3 out of 5.

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Episode 309

The Amazing Colossal Man
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** Joel is trying to get Tom and Crow to do their chores but they won’t come out of their clubhouse. The Mads invention is a plant that’s a music critic. Joel invents a tattoo that can be peeled off to make a new one.

A voice over explains that a plutonium bomb is about to be detonated in the Nevada desert. A group of soldiers are positioned in a trench near the site to find out what kind of effect it will have on combat troops. The timer goes off but the bomb doesn’t explode. The men are forced to hold their position. Just then a small airplane flies over them and crashes into the area near the bomb.  Lt. Col. Glenn Manning leaps from the trench to see if he can help the pilot. Just as Glenn is reaching the plane, the bomb goes off. The blast sears Glenn and his clothes.
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At the hospital, Glenn is in bad shape. He has third degree burns over his entire body. Waiting for him is his fiancée, Carol Forrest. A reporter strikes up a conversation with her. Turns out they were supposed to be married that day. Seems kind of odd that they would plan their wedding on the same day he is taking part in a military experiment, but there you have it.
Doctor Linstrom and the rest of the medical team don’t think Glenn (Glenn Langan) will survive but they bandage him up just as well. Of course the doctor isn’t so blunt with Carol. They wheel Glenn into a room and turn out the lights.
The next morning, they peak under his bandages and find that his skin is completely healed. The doctors are totally perplexed. Carol walks in and sees Glenn’s shiny new skin and is ecstatic.
The military and medical staff talk to the bomb developer to see if he can shed any light on this phenomenon. He is as clueless as everyone else. Dr Linstrom thinks that maybe the plutonium is what caused Glenn’s skin to grow back so quickly.

** Break
** Joel tries to get Tom and Crow to come up with some more sensitive ways to talk to Carol than the way the reporter did in the movie. Tom and Crow don’t seem to have a sensitive side. In fact, they say some insensitive things to Joel while they are at it.

The military decides to move Glenn and to keep Carol from seeing him. Carol is very confused by this. She goes to the hospital to see him but he’s not there. None of the staff seems to know where he is. Carol does some snooping and finds out where Dr. Linstrom is. He is at a rehabilitation center nearby. Carol (Cathy Downs) is able to slip into the building where she sees the doctor. Following him she find Glenn’s room.
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When the doctor leaves, she heads inside. She is stunned to see he has grow to twice his normal size. After letting out a scream she of course, faints.
Colonel Hallock and Dr Linstrom (William Hudson) tell Carol they were ordered to keep Glenn’s condition top secret so they couldn’t tell her anything. They then go into a long explanation about how the body is like a factory and Glenn’s is working three shifts including weekends. They need to figure out a way to get him to stop growing or he will die.
Then we see Glenn laying in his room.  He is having a dream. First a scene of he and Carol on a picnic. Glenn will be heading off to Korea soon and Carol is upset. Glenn tells her not to worry and gives her a big kiss. Now we see Glenn and another soldier in Korea. They are hiding behind a hill when two Korean soldiers attack them. Glenn survives but his buddy is killed. Then Glenn is back home. It’s another picnic and another kiss. Suddenly, Glenn is back at the bomb site. There is the flash of the explosion and then Glenn wakes up. He notices all of the furniture and everything else is small. He screams in horror.
The next day they let Carol see Glenn. She assures him everything will be alright. He’s not in a very talkative mood though.
The following day they set up a tent for Glenn to stay in. He’s now over 30 feet tall. They also bring in a large amount of beef.

** Break
** Joel pretends to be the Colossal Man while Tom and Crow play the medical staff and ask him questions. The questions are not very good, like “How many fish can you name?” The whole thing kind of falls apart after that.

A local newscast airs a report about the events surrounding Glenn’s accident. The public wants to know if he is alive or dead.
The doctors continue to run some experiments trying to figure out how to reverse Glenn’s accelerated growth. Dr Linstrom feels they should confine Glenn but he is so big now that it seems impossible.
Carol comes to see Glenn. The two of them sit outside talking but Glenn is really depressed.
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Carol tries to cheer him up but it’s no use. He is just sick of growing. He also doesnt believe the doctors will be able to help him. While sitting there Glenn seems to have some sort of pain. He tells Carol he is fine and walks away. Dr Linstrom walks up and tells Carol that she shouldn’t come any more but Carol insist Glenn needs her. Carol gives the doctor a ride back to the lab.
Glenn makes his way back to his tent. He tries to read a book but he can’t see the print. A sargeant comes in with his meal. As Glenn eats, the soldier takes out a newspaper. Glenn sees the headline, “Man lives through plutonium blast.” Glenn finds it funny and starts laughing. He then belittles and scares the sargeant who runs away in fear. Glenn starts having the pains again.
Back at the lab, Dr Linstrom shows Carol a representation of Glenn and how his heart isn’t growing as fast as the rest of his body.
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This explains why he is having the pains. His heart can’t take much more of this and eventually his will explode. He tells her she really should leave but Carol decides she is going to stay anyway.
Major Colton has been continuing the tests but he is getting discouraged. While walking around the lab, he and Linstrom talk about what to do next. Of course like any good research lab they have a camel and an elephant in there.
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That night Carol is awoken by Glenn’s painful cries. She goes to his tent to see if he is all right. He is pissed off about how horrible his life is. Glenn starts in on her like he did the sargeant. He tells her to leave and to never come back. Then he starts having more pain. The next morning Glenn has disappeared.
Meanwhile Colton (Larry Thor) has discovered how to stop Glenn’s growth. It has to do with his bone marrow. Linstrom is not convinced so Colton shows him the camel and elephant that he has shrunk down in the next room. Now he is very impressed. They just have to find Glenn before it’s too late. They take a couple of helicopters and fly out over the desert to look for him but they have no luck.

** Break
** Joel and the bots are looking out the window wondering just how big the colossal man will get. They agree if they ever met him they wouldn’t say any of those dumb big guy clichés like “How’s the weather up there.” Sure enough they run right into him.
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They ask him what he has been up to lately. He tells them some bit movie parts. Tom makes a crack about Las Vegas and the Colossal Man gets angry. Just when it looks pretty bad for Joel and company he starts having heart problems and has to go. 

Colonel Hallock asks Linstrom if he think Glenn is dangerous. He doesn’t know. Hallock isn’t taking any chances. He has sent more troops to the area with orders to stop Glenn if he acts aggressive. Carol overhears this and is shocked to say the least. Hallock assures her that they won’t do anything without cause.
Out in the desert, two men nearly drive into Glenn. Of course they are drunk and swear of drinking after seeing a giant.
Carol has a restless night trying to sleep. She finds Dr Linstrom. Again he insists that Carol leave. She can’t help him anymore and it’s not safe. Carol doesn’t want to leave.
The next morning Hallock (James Seay) and Linstrom give a briefing to the soldiers on what to do when they find Glenn. They have received reports of slaughtered cattle and they believe Glenn is near the southern tip of Nevada. Spotter planes and ground troops head out looking for him.
One of the planes locates Glenn outside of Las Vegas. Sure enough Glenn heads for the strip. As expected a 60 foot man gets a lot of attention.
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He stomps around the area while Linstrom, Colton and Carol fly towards him in a helocopter with the antidote in a huge syringe. Glenn rips the slipper off the Silver Slipper Casino. When a police officer fires a shot at Glenn he gets ticked off. He throws a palm tree and a car at the people that are watching all the excitement. More shots are fired and more throwing occurs. Just as the trio reach the city, Glenn heads for Boulder Dam. They are able to catch up to him before he reaches it. They quickly jab the needle into his ankle and inject the antidote. Glenn yanks the syringe out and throws it. It spears Colton, killing him. He then grabs Carol and starts walking across the dam. Linstrom is able to convince Glenn to set Carol down. When he does Hallock has his men open fire on him. Glenn is wounded and falls off the dam to his death

** Joel and the bots discuss how bad the movie was and what they would have done if they were that big. Dr Forrester tells Frank to push the button. The doctor has a tennis match with the Chirping Hell Beast but not before giving Frank an injection from a huge syringe.

Glenn Langan starred in Dragonwyck in 1946 with Gene Tierney and Vincent Price. He also was in The Snake Pit with Olivia de Havilland. He later became a successful real estate salesman. 
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Cathy Downs starred in My Darling Clementine and The Noose Hangs High with Abbott & Costello. She has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. In the 1960’s Downs became unemployed and in serious financial trouble. She died of cancer in 1976 at age 52.
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William Hudson also appeared in The She Creature and as the husband in Attack of the 50 Foot Woman. He was also the captain of the Seaview in the pilot episode of Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea. He died in 1974 at age 55 from cirrhosis
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Larry Thor worked in radio as an announcer and news reader in his native Canada and the US through the 1940’s before working in film. Thor began teaching in the screenwriting program at UCLA in 1968 until he died in 1976 at age 59
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James Seay was an character actor who often played government officials in movies and TV. He had a recurring role in The Life and Legend of Wyatt Earp.
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Best Riffs
## ‘Would you mind if i tried something on my own?’…’Oh,What is it?’ / “Oh! some Crystal Meth and a Leather Clown Suit!”
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## He’ll die of shock before morning. And if that doesn’t do it, infection will. 
And if that doesn’t do it, I will !
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## And this is why lawn darts were taken off the market, people.
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## How’s the tar heroin coming there?
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I really liked this episode. The movie is fun and I enjoyed the 1950’s special effects. It’s the right kind of movie for the show. 4 out of 5

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Episode 308

Gamera vs Gaos

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** Tom and Crow can’t stop talking like Lucille Ball. Magic Voice gets in on it also.
Dr. Forrester and Frank invented printers that you wear that show everyone what you’re really like. Joel made a fax machine that uses tissues as paper.

A news reporter says Gamera has returned after two years and has gone into an erupting volcano. Everyone is waiting to see what happens next.
Meanwhile a board meeting is underway. The new expressway, which runs near the volcano, is behind schedule and the boss wants to get things moving. He calls the foreman, Shiro Tsutsumi to get some answers. He doesn’t care about the volcano or the villagers that won’t sell their land; he just wants the job done. Shiro instructs his crew to get back to work.
A helicopter full of officials is flying over the volcano when suddenly a laser beam starts shooting out of the area. It hits the helicopter, splitting it in half.
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Nobody is sure where the beam came from but that’s not something Gamera normally does.
Shiro and some of the construction works run into a road block on their way to the job site. The farmers that have been holding out put it up and they come out to confront the men. Shiro tries to talk to them but they tell him wear to put it. A lady rides up on a bicycle and gets in the middle of the squabble. She convinces Shiro to take his men and leave. Meanwhile a local reporter has ridden into the area looking for information about the laser that took out the helicopter.
Turns out the farmers are just disrupting the construction with the hope of driving up the price for their land. The construction crew notices a glowing light coming from a nearby mountain. They go and investigate. The reporter also sees it. He runs into a little boy that shows him a way up the mountain. They find a cave with a glowing light coming from it. They head inside. They see something in the distance but before they can get a closer look the cave starts to collapse. The reporter high tails it out of there leaving the kid on his own.
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Reporter guy gets out safely but is then eaten by a large creature, aka Gaos. The kid eventually also gets out of the cave and runs into Gaos. Gaos has him cornered when out of the blue, Gamera shows up as well as the construction workers. Gaos snags the little kid then turns to face Gamera.

** Break
** Joel tries to demonstrate how to make a construction paper version of Gaos but Tom and Crow keep interrupting.

Gaos blasts several laser shots at Gamera seriously injuring his arm. Gamera rolls up on Gaos but he swats him away. In the process he drops the little boy on top of Gamera. The great turtle breaths fire at Gaos. The construction workers are watching the events unfold transfixed with fear.
Gaos backs off and Gamera, with the youngster on his back, flies away. He flies back to the village and the boy, Eiichi, is able to climb down to safety. Done being a hero, Gamera flies away.
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Eiichi is brought to a meeting of scientists and military personnel. They discuss Gaos and what they can do to destroy him. The military sends in a bunch of planes to try and bomb it but Gaos shots them down with his laser ray thing. Meanwhile Gamera is hiding out while his injured arm heals.
All the farmers’ cows and horses run away in the middle of the night. They seem to be spooked by something. It’s Gaos again. The next day the village leaders meet to decide if they should sell or not. They decide to let Eiichi’s grandfather negotiate for them. Meanwhile the scientists figure out that Gaos is nocturnal.

** Break
** Joel and the bots try to do a play based on the movie but with a Viking theme. Movie sign goes off before they can hardly get started.

Shiro (Kojiro Hongo) and a couple of the construction guys are still near the mountain so they keep watch for Gaos. Sure enough he pops up. The military opens fire on it with a bunch of tanks. Gaos flaps his wings and creates a huge gust of wind which blows everything away. He then flies into the city wreaking havoc.
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About this time Gamera finally shows up and a big fight starts. The sun starts to come up and Gaos breaks off the fight and heads for cover but not before Gamera bites off a couple of Gaos’s toes.
The scientists run some test on the toes and discover Gaos has a weakness. They come up with a plan to get rid of Gaos. If they can get him spinning around until the sun comes up, the UV light will do him in. They decide to use a rotating building to do the trick. They make some synthetic blood to try and lure Gaos into the trap.

** Break
** While Crow plays Ed Sullivan, Joel and Tom put on a plate spinning act that doesn’t go so well.

That evening Gaos comes out as expected. He starts flying around with such speed that he generates a tremendous amount of wind. Eventually he catches sight of the large amount of blood that the scientists set out in a huge bowl.
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Mmmm that’s good blood. Then the building Gaos is on top of starts rotating. This makes Gaos very dizzy and unable to escape. Oh no the power is starting to fail. Eventually the substation burns up causing the building to lose power and stops the rotating platform just as the sun comes up. Gaos is now really pissed off. He bashes in the building before flying away.
The villagers find out that the road is going to be moved to a different location. They are mad at Eiichi grandfather for telling them to hold out for more money. Now they are getting nothing. They demand that the old man do something about.
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Eiichi gets very upset and yells at the men the leave gramps only. They all feel ashamed for being so mean and leave. Eiichi then explains that Gamera would come back if they could build a large enough fire and it would weaken Gaos as well. The old man lets the powers that be know that they can burn the area around the villagers.
The construction crew gets to work cutting down trees and starting a fire. Gaos keeps putting out the flames but Gamera does eventually make an appearance. Then the final battle begins. Gaos blasts away at Gamera but the plucky little guy has learned from the previous fights not to stay in one place. Just when it seems that Gamera has the upper hand Gaos turns the tables. He picks up Gamera and drops him hard against the ground several times. As a last gasp Gamera throws a boulder and it lodges in bird boy’s mouth. image

Gamera then slams into Gaos and bites him in the neck. The sun starts to come up. This weakens Gaos even more so Gamera drags him into the volcano killing him. As Gamera flies away everyone celebrates.

** Joel and the bots try to come up with better ways of getting rid of Gaos, each one more outlandish than the next. Dr. Forrester and Frank have a few off their own.
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Kojiro Hongo: This is his second appearance on the show having also stared in Gamera vs Barugon in episode 304.
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Best Riffs
## Whoa, Cross-check, he’ll be in the box for two.
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## They must be at Six Flags over Osaka
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## The chief is calling you.
What, Sitting Bull?
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## How’s that pole coming, Mom?
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I’m not a big fan of this episode. The movie is really dull and hard to watch but the riffs save it some. 2 out of 5.

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Episode 307

Daddy-o
(Alphabet Antics)

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** Joel and the bots are hanging around the water cooler chating.
Dr Forrester is feeding the “baby” from last week’s show, so Joel goes first with the Invention Exchange. He made a mobile out of air fresheners. Dr F made a alien face hugger teething nook.

First up is a quick short – Alphabet Antics.
This was just a quick run through the alphabet with images for each letter.

Daddy-O
A truck driver is heading down a curvy highway when a little sports car nearly runs him off the road. The trucker follows the car which continues driving poorly. He finally has had enough and forces the driver to pull over. He jumps out of his truck ready to tear into the lousy driver but a young blond woman steps out of the car. A couple of men come over to see what’s going on.
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The young lady claims the trucker is the bad driver and has been flirting with her. Trucker boy is pissed and eventually the two head their separate ways.
Turns out the trucker is named Phil. He heads for a local club to meet some friends for drinking and dancing. While there, guess who walks in? The young lady from first scene. Her name is Jana and one of Phil’s friends knows her and introduces them. Of course Phil wants nothing to do with her.
The band convinces Phil (Dick Contino) to come up and sing a song. Turns out Phil is quite the crooner. While this is going on, in walks two men who obviously don’t fit in with the crowd. They head for the bar and start looking around the room. They seem to be eyeballing Sonny, another of Phil’s friends.

** Break
** Joel and the bots sing the “Pants Up” song inspired by how high Phil has his pants in the movie.
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Frank really digs the song. Dr F – not so much

Phil finishes the song and sits back down with his crew. Jana was only mildly impressed with his singing. She asks him to dance. He is still pretty steamed about earlier but agrees to the dance. All they do is bicker with each other until Jana dances with someone else.
After the dance they start at it again. Seems Phil is not just a singing truck driver, he is also a drag racer. Jana challenges him to a race which he gladly accepts. Loser has to buy a whole pizza.  They all head out except for Sonny. He tells Phil to hold on to a key for him then he slips out the back to avoid the bad guys. He gets to his car and takes off but the bad are right behind him. The chase is on. Sonny somehow loses control and rolls his car down a steep embankment. Of course it bursts into flames.
Jana, Phil and the rest all reach the starting line for the big race through the park. Remember, this for a pizza. Off they go.
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It’s neck and neck for the first little while until Jana cuts him off and takes the lead. Phil nearly hits the night watchman. Jana makes it to the pizza shop first. Everyone is stunned. When Phil shows up he is really pissed and is worried he will get in trouble if the watchman got his license. Sure enough he did. Well its pizza time for now.
The police show up and find Phil. They take him in for questioning. They charge him with several crimes including manslaughter. They think he caused Sonny’s car to go over the side. Later he is found guilty of the lesser charges and loses his license for a year. He also loses his truck driving job. The police Sargent tries to offer him a job. Phil’s not so sure.
Phil decides to try and figure out how Sonny got killed. He gets a ride to Jana’s house. He’s sure she caused the accident and confronts her but it turns out he’s wrong. The two of them start working together to solve the mystery. The key Sonny gave him is for a locker at Bruce’s gym. They head there and Phil tries to go to the lockers. He is stopped by Bruce. Wouldn’t you know it, it’s one of the bad guys from scene two. Phil doesn’t know it so he leaves the key with the nearsighted bad guy so he can clean out the locker.
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** Break
** Tom and Crow recreate their own version of the big race from the movie.

Phil and Jana sneak back into the gym after hours. Bruce and the other bad guy, Sidney,  are just about to open Sonny’s locker. They find something in there but Phil and Jana can’t see what it was.
The next day, Phil is at the club where he sang before. He’s telling a friend how he’s still out of work. In walks Sidney. He saddles up to Phil and tells him he might be able to get him some work. Seems Sidney has a new night club he is opening and needs a singer. Phil agrees to check the place out. Sidney sends his manicurist to pick him up. She is very smitten with Phil.
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At the new club, Sidney (Bruno VeSota) shows Phil around. Bruce is there. He is Sidney’s personal masseur. Sidney offers Phil the job and even gives him a car and a fake drivers license. Phil accepts.
Phil heads home when Jana shows up. She was lonely and really wanted to see Phil. They share a passionate kiss. Later Phil clues her in on his new job. He has to make sure no one knows who he is so he comes up with a new stage name – Daddy-O.
Opening night at the club is a huge success. Daddy-O knocks them dead.
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During a break, Phil gets word that Jana is in Sidney’s office. He storms in and finds Jana is going to become a cigarette girl. Phil tells Jana to leave but she refuses. He storms off in anger. Time for more singing. Jana comes in with her smokes which only makes Phil even angrier. He starts singing a song to the manicurist and give a big kiss at the end of the song. Jana (Sandra Giles) is not sure what to make of Phil.
Later Sidney has a talk with Phil. He has a package that needs to be delivered and he needs Phil and his great driving skills to deliver it. He gives him $750 to do it. Phil makes the delivery which really pleases Sidney.

** Break
** Joel is showing the bots what a spit take is when another spaceship runs into them. It’s nearsighted Bruce from the film and he wants the the gym key.
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Later Sidney needs Phil to make another delivery. Phil drives to the spot, throws the package out the window and prepares to head back. Oh no, its the cops. They chase after him. Only through some fancy driving is Phil able to escape. The bad guys that were supposed to be getting the packages are upset that one of them didn’t arrive. Those guys grab Phil so they can have a little talk with him. They drive him to a warehouse and work him over. They are looking for some drugs. Turns out they have the wrong guy. They dump him outside Sidney’s office. Jana just happens to be there. She helps him to his feet and cleans him up. Phil has figured out who killed Sonny. He was double crossing Sidney so they ran him off the road that night.
Phil and Jana follow Sidney to find out where he is getting the drugs from. While snooping around Bruce catches them and he has a gun. Back at the night club Sidney tells Phil he has to pick up some money. Bruce (Jack McClure) will go with him and Jana will stay at the club to make sure Phil does as he is told.
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Phil and Bruce get the money and start heading back. On the way, Bruce has Phil stop the car and get out. Phil swipes Bruce’s glasses so he can’t see and a fist fight ensues. With Bruce unable to see, Phil wins the battle. He heads back to the club but stops and calls the police first. He arrives at the club but he doesn’t have the money. It fell on the ground during the fight. Sidney has locked Jana in his sauna and turned the heat up. He demands the money. Phil tries to rescue Jana but Sidney takes a shot at him so he makes a run for it. He hides in the wine cellar as Sidney stalks him.
Somehow Bruce makes it back to the club and grabs a spare pair of glasses from the desk. He hears Jana in the sauna and gets her out. He makes her drive back so he can look for the money.
The police set up a road block and are able to capture Bruce.
Meanwhile Phil sneaks up on Sidney and knocks him out. The police and Jana get to the club and find Phil.
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Everyone at the club wants to hear Phil sing. Thankfully the movie ends before that can happen.

** Joel liked the scene where Phil slapped an apple out of Jana’s hand so he and the bots do their own version of it. Frank does the same with Dr Forrester.

Dick Contino is an accordionist and singer and appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show 48 times.
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Sandra Giles appeared in small rolls in several movies and TV shows in the fifities and sixties.
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Bruno VeSota appeared in many sci-fi films in the fifities and early sixties including Attack of the Giant Leeches and The Wild World of Batwoman. He also directed a few as well. He played the barman in a number of episodes of Bonanza.
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Jack “Tipp” McClure had an uncredited role in Some Like It Hot and made several appearances in TV shows through the sixties.
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Best Riffs
## “It only hurts when I breathe.” Then don’t breathe.
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## Say! Those pants are kinda’ high aren’t they?!?
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## “No one has ever beaten him through that before!”
Well no one else has ~these
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## “Let’s see: Jockstrap, ‘nother jockstrap… This guy really liked jockstraps!”
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This was a really good episode. The short is a little week but the movie is at least watchable. 4 out of 5.

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Episode 306

Time of the Apes
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** It’s baseball season on the Satellite of Love and Joel turns Tom into a batting tee. He hits the ball and puts a hole in the ship’s hull. Gypsy has to patch it. She scolds them for playing ball in the house. As soon as she leaves Joel hits it again. This time Crow catches it.
For the Invention Exchange Joel invents the cellulite phone which reminds you to stop dialing and start dieting. Frank invents Miracle Baby Growth Wonder Formula. It turns a toddler into a full grown man in seconds.

Little Johnny is having some breakfast with his mother. His father comes to join them. There is a knock at the door. It’s Caroline. She and Johnny are going to visit his uncle at his laboratory. Suddenly there is a mild earth quake. Johnny’s parents want him to stay home but he doesn’t care and is determined to spend some time with his gal pal, so he and Caroline head off anyway.
At the lab they meet up with Catherine, who shows them around. Johnny’s uncle shows up and he takes them to see the cold experiment they are working on. They are cryogenically freezing monkeys. He thaws one out to show them how simple it is. They have even done this with people. Catherine takes the kids to show them the chambers used for humans. Uh oh, the nearby volcano starts erupting and everything in the lab beings shaking. The three hide in some of the freezing chambers as the building starts crumbling down around them. Wouldn’t you know it, a boulder hits the control lever and our heroes are put into a deep freeze.
The three wake up on some exam tables in the same room. They start looking around the facility but nothing seems normal. They open a door and suddenly there is a bunch of apes in lab coats. Of course this freaks them out and they take off running. It’s no use as the apes capture them and tie them to a tree.
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What appears to be the head ape comes along and has them blindfolded. They are then taken to a desolate area with a bunch of human bones lying around. The three decide to make a run for it. Despite the fact the apes have guns, did I mention before they have guns, well anyway, the three manage to get away. They find a house and slip inside. There is a young ape in there but it is not afraid of them.

** Break
** Joel and the bots show some clips from the film and ask “why doesn’t Johnny care”?

Soon the apes find them and chase them some more. When they pass by some sort of statue the apes stop dead in their tracks. Apparently our heroes are heading towards Green Mountain,  which scares the apes. More soldiers are called out to look for the humans. Johnny, Caroline and Catherine continue running through the mountainous jungle. They get past a couple of traps before Caroline gets caught in a net. Johnny climbs up the tree to try and cut her loose. Suddenly there is another human and he has a gun. His name is Godo. He also has a knife so he cuts Caroline down and takes them to his home. It’s a lovely cave in the mountains. Godo does not remember seeing any other humans yet he seems to be able to converse easily with our trio.
The apes continue the hunt. Most of them are very afraid but their commander keeps pushing them onward.
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Godo decides to shave off his beard to look more civilized and to impress Catherine. Just then the little ape from earlier comes in. It’s name is Pepe and it warns them that the apes are getting close. Godo runs off with his rifle to see what he can do. The apes have set some fires to try and smoke them out. Godo and the apes exchange some gun fire but the smoke forces him and the others to make a run for it.
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It’s no use as the apes are able to corner them.
The apes are well aware of Godo and prepare a firing squad to finally kill him. At that moment the top ape shows up. He orders the execution stopped. Godo tries to rush him but the ape stops him with a crushing blow to the head and down goes Godo. For some reason a flying saucer appears in the sky just then. Not the least bit interested in it, the head honcho orders all of the humans to be brought back to headquarters. He tells Catherine that as long as they cooperate they will not be harmed.

** Break
** Joel and the bots do a dramatization of the scopes monkey trial with Gypsy as the defendant and a cardboard cutout if Judge Wapner presiding.

The apes put Godo in an electrified escape proof room while the others are put in a room by themselves. Pepe somehow gets into the facility. Pepe crawls through the air vents to the trios room. Pepe and Johnny then crawl around until they find Godo. Just then then commander ape comes in their room. He has waited a long time to take out Godo and prepares to shoot him.
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He turns of the electrical field and walks toward Godo. That’s when Johnny drops down out of the vent on to his back. Godo beats the tar out of the commander and the three of them make their escape. They hide out in the back of a truck until some soldiers hop in with them. The truck drives into town and the three are able to slip away. Meanwhile the apes interrogate Caroline and Catherine to find out where the others have gone but they have no idea.
Godo, Johnny and Pepe start working their way back to the base to rescue the girls. Along the way they see the flying saucer from earlier. It seems to be taking pictures. They are not sure what the make if it. Is it watching over them or what?  Anyway, they continue on toward the base. They sneak in and get to the girls and a tearful reunion ensues.
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They all escape but are soon surrounded. There is that flying saucer again. This time the apes decide to blast it out if the sky. The saucer emits some kind of ray which renders all of their guns useless. Our heroes are able to get to a jeep drive away. The flying saucer makes another visit so they decide to follow it to try and contact it.
First they take Pepe home to her mother. That’s right; Pepe was girl ape the whole time. Later they run into the ape commander again. He and Godo engage in a serious firefight. Oh no, Godo is out of bullets.

** Break
** Joel and the bots put on a mock newscast. Crow has the fashion minute complete with clips of all the clothing worn by the apes in the movie.

The ape commander is ready to finish off Godo, when the flying saucer shows up again and disables the commander’s gun. He pleads with them to let him kill Godo. He claims Godo killed his wife and son. The saucer lands and shows a video of Godo trying to save them. The commander is devastated by this and wanders away in shame. The top ape shows up and tries to convince the humans to come back with him but they decide to move on.
They work their way through the mountains and see the saucer land behind a rock formation. They try to find it but only find a metal door in the mountain.
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The door suddenly opens so they go inside. It closes behind them forcing them to deeper into the mountain. A funky light show starts and just like that, Caroline wakes up in a bed in some strange room. She opens a door a steps out into the hallway. She starts searching for the others. She and Catherine find each other and try to figure out what the hell is going on and what to do next. Just then several figures appear at the end of the hallway. They’re worried it the apes again but it turns out to just be several human scientist. They are back at the lab. They were cryogenically frozen the whole time. Catherine asks about Johnny and Godo. Johnny is in the other room they tell her but they don’t know anything about someone named Godo. Catherine finds a pendant Godo was wearing in one of the freezing chambers. Caroline and Johnny are then reunited with their parents.
Dr Lee, one of the scientists, tells Carolina that it took seven days for the rescuers to get them out of the lab. Caroline tells them about all that happened to them and that it had all lasted 6 months. Dr Lee gives her some mumbo-jumbo explanation above cold temperatures and time shifting to make sense of it.
Later, Catherine is out with the children. They want to know what happened to Godo. Catherine tells them he is on another time line but will always be in their hearts.

** Joel and the bots sing the Sandy Frank song. Dr Forrester and Frank are trying to decide who should push the button and who should change the giant baby’s diaper. The baby pushes the button.

Cast
Garrick Hogan (the voice of Godo) played Briggs in the original Star Wars.

Best Riffs
## Colonel Sanders!! What happened?
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## The King of the Apes rides in style in a new Buick Skylark.
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## I’m no good until I get a cup of coffee.
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Not a great episode. This was originally a Japanese TV show and was turned into a movie for American audiences to try and capitalize on the popularity of the Plant of the Apes movie. The movie is really bad and a little difficult to get into. 2 out of 5.

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Episode 305

Stranded in Space (aka The Stranger)
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** Joel turns Tom and Crow into shooting gallery targets since it gets pretty boring up there.
For the invention exchange Joel takes the old prop gun that says gang when you pull the trigger and makes a prop Uzi. The Mads make a prop harpoon gun. So Joel makes a prop knife. Then the Mads do prop nun chucks. Joel makes prop dynamite. The Mads make a prop dynamite plunger.

Three astronauts are hanging out in their space capsule. There seems to be some kind of minor malfunction with the transponder but ground control doesn’t seem too concerned about it. Suddenly there is a loud bang and the capsule begins to shake and spin out of control.
The camera fades out and we are now in a hospital. One of the astronauts, Neil Stryker (Glenn Corbett), is lying in a bed. A nurse comes in to give Neil some telegrams from well-wishers. Dr. Revere comes in and tells him he is making progress. Neil doesn’t understand why he has had to stay in the hospital for the past two weeks. The doctor explains they need to observe his mental capacities. Then we see that Neil is being watched through a two way mirror. Dr Revere (Tim O’Connor) gives Neil an injection. Neil tells him he has been having strange dreams about his life. He is also very suspicion of the doctor.
Later the doctor is watching Neil from behind the two way mirror. His supervisor, Benedict, is there.
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While Neil has been sleeping they have been questioning him to learn more about his past and the space program he is with. Benedict wants to end the questions and take a more forceful approach. They decide to give him another injection but Neil attacks the orderly and tries to escape. Benedict takes a shot at him and security begins searching for him. He hides in an office and another doctor comes in. She tells security where he is but he is able to get away.

** Break
** Tom and Crow are playing with their trading cards. Joel helps them settle a dispute. The trading cards are all of 1970’s TV shows.

Neil finds a phone booth and tries to call Cape Kennedy. The operator has never heard of it or Orlando or Florida. Neil then hitches a ride in a van. While driving he notices that there are three moons in the sky. He realizes he is not on earth.
The next day, Benedict is leading a meeting with the Security Council. He informs them about Neil and that he needs to be found. He also tells them to alert the public a mental patient has escaped. Dr. Revere is there also. The doctor thinks they could learn a lot from Neil. Benedict knows better and reminds the doctor about the perfect order and how great things are and how bad things used to be. Dr. Revere agrees and goes on his way but Benedict thinks he’s lying. He tells his assistant, Henry they need to take him to Ward-E.
Neil is still riding in the van and notices everyone is left handed. The radio in the van comes on and talks about the perfect order. Then they tell of a mental patient that has escaped. Neil realizes that they are talking about him and quickly gets out of the van.
He slips into a book store and asks for a book about the planet. The old shop keeper calls it Terra.
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He shows him a book but it only goes back about 35 years to the start of the perfect order. There is no more war or famine. Everything is much better now. Neil starts to have some pain in his side. The old man helps him to a room in back of the store where he can rest. He lies down to get some rest. The old man calls for a doctor. Wouldn’t you know it; it’s the lady doctor from when he was escaping. She tells him the Dr Revere can help him and that he should turn himself in. He agrees and she starts to drive him back to the facility. Neil changes his mind and forces the car up a dirt road. He finally convinces her to help him.

** Break
** Crow tells Tom about a weird dream he has in which he and Joel were going on a camping trip. Joel was dressed in an apron and women’s underwear.
He and Tom start discussing what do they each think Ward-E from the movie is like. Joel walks up in an apron and women’s underwear which scares Crow.

Neil and the doctor drive away. She’s tells Neil her name is Betina Cook. They drive to a farm and meet Professor Dylan MacAuley. The professor fills Neil in about Terra and the perfect order.
Benedict is called before the head council. They are concerned about Stryker’s escape. Benedict assures them he will be captured. They let him know he had better get him.
Benedict and Henry (Steve Franken) know Neil is with Dr. Cook but they can’t seem to find her on any of their surveillance cameras. They figure she must be hiding with someone they don’t know about. Benedict goes to Ward-E and tries to get some information out of Dr. Revere, whom they had sent there earlier, but he seems to be in a catatonic state.
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Neil and the professor come up with a plan to get Neil back to earth. Terra is scheduled to launch a rocket of their own the next day. The plan is to swap Neil out for one the astronauts at the last minute so he can take the ship back home. The professor has a medical condition and when it flares up he hurriedly gives himself an injection. When Betina (Sharon Acker) realizes she isn’t going to see Neil again they share a passionate kiss.
Betina heads home. When she arrives Benedict is waiting for. He and Henry take her away for questioning.
Neil and the professor are able to get to the launch site. They head to the old man’s office and go over the plan. Suddenly the professor needs another shot but he drops the syringe. He’ll have to go back home to get another because there is no way anyone on the base would have any medical supplies.
Back at home, he shoots up and then there is a knock at the door
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. It’s Betina and she was been beat up. Benedict (Cameron Mitchell) and his men roughed her up to try and figure out where Neil is but she didn’t tell them. She wants to see Neil again and tell him that she loves him. The professor (Lew Ayres) says no. She drives away in a huff.
At the launch site, Neil is waiting to change places with one of the astronauts. One of the medical personal recognizes him. Neil grabs a nearby letter opener and forces him outside. He gives him one good punch and knocks him out cold, then stashes him in a dumpster.

** Break
** Joel is playing a villain and Tom and Crow are his henchmen. He sends each of them off to kill TV stars from 70’s cop shows but Tom and Crow get confused by the jargon and are not sure what to do.

Professor MacAuley starts heading back to the base. He’s being followed. It’s Betina. And she’s working with Benedict. She calls him on the radio and tells him where they are headed.
At the base, Neil makes his move. He talks his way passed a guard, gives him a karate chops and steals his gun. It time to make the switch.
Professor old guy gets back to the base. Betina catches up to him. She gives him the sob storyline again and he relents. Benedict and Henry hurry to the base. Benedict tells Henry he may have to take his place soon if they don’t catch Neil. Neil has tied up the other astronaut when the professor and Betina arrive. The professor keeps watch as Neil and Betina say their goodbyes. Benedict and his team arrive. They find the professor and gun him down. Neil makes a run for it and the chase is on. The bullets fly as they run through the underground piping corridors. Neil is able to put one in Benedict’s arm but they finally corner him. Neil notices a bunch of liquid oxygen vessel. As he jumps over a retaining wall into the ocean he shoots the tank and it causes a huge explosion.
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Benedict finds Betina and tells her she did the right thing for the perfect order. Henry thinks Neil died in the explosion but Benedict tells Henry to get proof. But Neil didn’t die.
He crawls out of the water onto a beach. Suddenly there is a man with a flashlight shining in his face. Neil tells him his boat capsized and he swam to shore. The man and his family offer Neil a ride up the coast.

** Tom is a movie executive and Crow and Joel try to sell him on the movie they just watched as a TV show. Tom ain’t buying it. Dr. Forester tries to tell Frank that he might have to take over for him some day. Frank has no idea what he is talking about.

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Glenn Corbett is best know as Lincoln Case on the television series Route 66.

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Tim O’Connor played Dr. Elias Huer in Buck Rogers in the 25th Century as well as guest roles in many TV shows,  including Barnaby Jones, Dynasty, The A-Team, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Dukes of Hazzard and M*A*S*H.
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Sharon Acker made guests appearances on The Mod Squad, The Streets of San Francisco, Quincy, M.E., Simon & Simon and Murder, She Wrote among many.
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Lew Ayres played banjo and guitar for big bands in the twenties before staring as Paul Bäumer in All Quiet on the Western Front in1930. He also played Dr. Kildare in several films from 1938 to 1942.
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Cameron Mitchell co-starred with Doris Day, James Cagney, Gary Cooper, Susan Hayward, Richard Widmark, Spencer Tracy, Marlon Brando and many more. He is best know for his role in High Chaparral.
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Steve Franken appeared as the drunken waiter Levinson in The Party, alongside Peter Sellers in 1968. He is also the cousin of Al Franken.

Best Riffs
## ‘Well how’s our number one patient?’  “Uhh, just went number two Doctor!”
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## “Did u ever see anyone starve to death?” –What did u have in mind?
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## “You need to turn yourself in.”
“Ok, on 1 condition…” we stop at the DAIRY QUEEN!
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This was originally a pilot for a TV show that never got made. Watching this you can see why. It’s very dull.
Episode wise this is a good one. 3 out of 5.

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Episode 304

Gamera vs Barugon
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** Tom Servo and Crow are having a little debate about Mac vs PC.
For the invention exchange Joel makes an animatronic soda can to promote recycling. Dr Forrester and Frank make a disco bubble cumber bun.

The film starts with a flashback to the first movie. After Gamera was launched in to space, his rocket was struck by a meteor. Now free of the rocket, Gamera returns to earth. He heads to a hydroelectric power station to get some fuel and then he bashes in the dam. Just like that he flies away to look for a volcano to get more fuel.
Meanwhile, a man named Kano tells his brother and two others about a huge opal he hid in a cave in the jungles of New Guinea during World War 2.
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He can’t go get it because of an injury so he decides to send his brother Keisuke and the two others, Kawajiri and Onodera, to get it. They plan on selling it and becoming filthy rich. Using fake documents they board a cargo ship that will take them there and then search the jungle for the opal. On board the ship they pretend to be crew members to blend in.
The boat gets to New Guinea and Keisuke flies the three of them via helicopter inland to a village. When they arrive they find a Japanese man, Dr. Matsushita , living with the villagers. He and the villagers warn the men to stay away from the cave because an evil spirit lives there. Nonsense they say and head off into the jungle.

** Break
** Joel and the bots show off their new monsters action set, complete with army men, ambulances and much more so you can destroy Tokyo just like in the movies.

The men locate the cave and begin scrounging around. Sure enough Kawajiri finds the opal. He and Keisuke (Kōjirō Hongō) are excited but Onodera doesn’t seem to be. He sees a scorpion crawling up Kawajiri’s leg but doesn’t tell him. It stings Kawajiri and he collapses and dies. Onodera takes the opal but Keisuke makes him give him their gun. He doesn’t seem to trust Onodera. He was right to think that. Onodera lights a couple sticks of dynamite and throws them in the cave. The explosion traps Keisuke in the cave. Now Onodera has the opal to himself.
Keisuke wakes up and he’s in the village. One of the villagers, Karen, tells him they found him just in time. Onodera is long gone with the opal. Karen and Dr Matsushita tell him that it’s not an opal.
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The legend says that great harm will come to many if it is not returned. Karen wants to go to Japan to warn everyone.
Onodera re-boards the ship from earlier and heads back to Japan. He hides the opal but accidentally exposes it to infrared light. It turns out the opal is actually an egg. The egg hatches and a lizard comes out of it. A little while later, the boat reaches the harbor. Kano is on the dock waiting.
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All of a sudden the ship begins to thrash about and a fire erupts on board. Everyone jumps overboard and is rescued. Kano searches for his brother. He finds Onodera who tells him his brother and Kawajiri are dead and the opal sank with the ship. Just then a giant lizard comes out of the water and begins destroying everything.

** Break
** Tom and Crow pretend to be ladies out having lunch while Joel is their waiter.

Back at Kano’s home, he and Onodera try to decide how to get the opal. They need a diver but the giant lizard is closing in on them. Kano wants to wait but Onodera doesn’t. He thinks they should get it now after he has taken so many risks to get it. He lets slip that he killed the other two men and Kano attacks him. Onodera is able to overpower him and leaves him for dead.
Meanwhile the big reptile is smashing up the city. The military fires away at it with as many tanks as they can get. The lizard sticks out its tongue and uses its freeze breath to cover everything in ice.
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It even freezes the fighter jets that they attack it with. Running out of options, the military decides to fire long range misses at it. Before they can be fired, the lizard fires a giant rainbow from his back all the way to the missile base. It destroys all the missiles. Gamera is attracted to the Rainbow and he comes flying in. The lizard freezes him as well.
Keisuke and Karen arrive in Japan. When she sees the lizard on the news she says it’s Barugon and she knows how to stop it. Keisuke and Karen (Kyōko Enami) look for his brother then end up at Onodera’s place. It’s fight time again. This time Onodera loses and they tie him up to a post. Keisuke’s arm is injured in the fight and Karen sucks on the wound which makes it feel better??? Anyhow, they leave and go to the defense ministry. She tells them Barugon is attracted to diamonds and she has one that should do the trick. It’s a 5000 karat diamond.
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They can use it to lure it to a lake and drown him.
Onodera is freed from his bonds by his wife. She tells him about the diamond from the news. He makes up his mind to go get it.
Keisuke and Karen fly the diamond over Barugon. He seems interested for a while but then turns away. The plan failed. Turns out the infrared light he was exposed to makes him not so interested in shiny things. If they expose the diamond to the light it should get its attention. They spray Barugon with water since it can’t move when wet.
They put the diamond in an experimental death ray and drive it out to where Barugon is. They turn it on and the great lizard starts to follow them. Onodera sees all this happening. He jumps in his car to go after the diamond.

** Break
** Joel and the bots are sitting around on some lawn chairs. Joel tells the bots about going to the drive in movies back on earth. Tom wants to know why no big stars are in the Gamera movie. Joel says the movie is full of famous actors but he gets a little carried away showing them.

They lure Barugon to the lake.
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Just then Onodera shows up. He pulls out a gun and takes the diamond. As he drives away, Barugon attacks and swallows him and the diamond.
Just when all hope seems lost, Keisuke discovers that mirrors are not affected by Barugon’s rainbow beams. They device a plan to make a giant mirror and then reflect its beam back at it. With the mirror ready they start firing at Barugon to make it fire its rainbow. Sure enough the plan works and the reflected ray hits Barugon but it doesn’t kill him. It won’t make that mistake again. Turns out the plan didn’t work after all.
While this is going on Gamera finally thaws out and he’s not happy. He finds Barugon and a fight ensues. Gamera bites into Barugon and drags him under water. Finally Barugon is defeated. Gamera flies away in victory.
Everyone is happy except Keisuke. He is feeling ashamed and alone. His greed caused all this. He tells Karen he’ll take her back to her village. Karen tells him he’s not alone.

** The bots want to know why Gamera got top billing even though he was barely in the movie. Joel says Gamera worked behind the camera more on this film. He then shows them a bunch of books about behind the scenes of the movie. Frank picked out a book for Dr. Forrester to read at the beach. It’s the un-cut version of Steven King’s The Stand.
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It so heavy it knocks him over.

Kōjirō Hongō appeared in two other Gamera movies
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Kyōko Enami has appeared in over 100 Japanese movies and TV shows.
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## Best Riffs
It’s a skittles commercial
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Whatever you do don’t hit the inflatable reindeer
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What! are they at a Columbo try out
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I found this episode to be a bit of a dud. The movie was boring and the riffing was only so-so. I give it 2 out of 5.