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Episode 310

Fugitive Alien
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** Joel is pretending to be a farmer. He’s turned Tom and Crow into chickens and Gypsy into a cow.
The Mads invention is an eye, ear, nose and throat medicine dropper all combined into one. Joel made a musical chair. Frank and Dr Forrester have a special guest to introduce the movie, it’s Jack Perkins.
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A huge number of alien spacecraft from the planet Valnastar arrive at earth and begin attacking. They intend on wiping out all of the humans on the planet. The aliens run around zapping people with their ray guns. It looks like they will have no problem killing everyone.
One of the aliens is named Ken. He and his partner are taking down one human after another until Ken sees a little boy. He just can’t shoot him. When the boy’s mother comes running up, Ken really can’t shoot them now. His partner tries to but Ken stops him. Ken tells him not to kill women and children. The two begin to scuffle and Ken accidentally kills him. Some of the other Valna see this and call Ken a traitor. They start firing at him as Ken runs away. Though he is wounded, he makes it back to his ship and takes off. The lead alien signals Ken that he will never be allowed to return to Valnastar.
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Ken (Tatsuya Azuma) is able to escape but his ship is malfunctioning. He sees an unknown spacecraft in the area. He decides to bail out of his ship and sets it to self destruct. He makes if clear of the ship before it explodes. Luckily the other ship spots him and brings him on board. The ship is a earth ship called Bacchus 3.
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Just as Ken is waking up, the crew gets a call from Earth about the attack. Ken starts to fight the crew figuring they know he is a wolf raider from Valnastar and will kill him. Joe, the captain, is able to subdue Ken. Suddenly the Valnastar ships come into the area. The Bacchus crew prepare to defend themselves. Ken tells them to change course but it’s to late. The Valna have spotted them and prepare to attack.

** Break
** Joel and the bots have a hat party complete with a hat that makes Joel look like Frank. Crow wears one the that makes fun of Dr Forrester. Frank and Dr Forrester are really ticked off but Jack Perkins thought it was delightful.

Ken slugs the pilot and takes over the controls. He does some fancy flying and is able get the ship into an asteroid field. Once in there, the Valna call off the attack. Ken looks pretty pleased with himself but Joe lays him out for punching one of his crew members.
With the danger passed, the ship returns to earth. The crew disembark with Ken as a prisoner. He is still out cold from Joe’s heavy fist and a tranquilizer. They take him to the medical staff to look him over.
Meanwhile Captain Joe realizes his home was attacked by the Valna. He rushes home and finds his daughter has been killed and his wife in really bad shape.
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So bad in fact she dies soon after he arrives.
Ken wakes up and is able to escape from the medical building he was in. He decides to try and steal a spacecraft so he can get off of earth. Not sure where he plans on going, but he finds the Bacchus 3 and gets on board. Wouldn’t you know it Captain Joe is already there. He has figured out that Ken is a Valna raider. He confronts him about the killing of his wife and child. Ken tells him the story about the kid and the mom and his buddy, but you know all of that.
Joe was planning on retiring after the last flight but since his family is gone he changes his mind. He asks Ken to be a part of his crew seeing how he is stuck here. Ken agrees but Joe warns him he will be watching him closely.
The Valnastar fleet returns to their home planet. The fleet commander, Lord Halkon, summons Ken’s girlfriend, Rita.
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She also just happens to be the sister of the guy Ken killed back in the beginning of the movie. Halkon tells her she must avenge her brother’s death. He orders her to hunt him down and kill him. While running through a desert for some reason, Rita has a little hallucination of Ken.
Back on earth, Captain Joe has been given a new assignment. He is to fly to the planet Karara and help them fight off an invasion by the Valna and Caesarens. At this point Joe has a little flashback about his family.
Ken, after doing a little running, lays down in a field to take break. Ken has his own little flashback about Rita.

** Break
** Joel has Tom and Crow dressed up to look like Ken while he is Capt Joe. He goes a little crazy and punches both of them.

Ken sits up and Tammy, the morale officer from the ships walks over to him. Tammy seems to be a bit smitten with Ken. She asks about Rita and Ken tells her to back off.
The captain, whose seems more and more drunk, gives the crew a briefing on the mission and informs them that Ken is now part of the crew. They all seem a little upset with this at first but, eventually agree. Except for Rocky, the pilot, that is. That night while Ken is out walking around the spaceship, a large forklift comes at him. Ken runs but the lift is right behind him. He is trapped against a shipping container. Ken grabs the forks and slowly pushes the lift backwards, showing his strength the Valna are know for.
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He chases after the driver. When he catches him he realizes it’s Rocky. They scuffle for a while before Joe finds them. Rocky tells Joe that Ken is a Valna Wolf-Raider. Joe tells him he is wrong and that Ken is so strong because he spent time in another galaxy. Rocky storms off. Maybe he doesn’t want to be on the crew.
Sometime later later, Joe visits the grave of his wife and daughter. Ken watches him from behind a tree.
The next day the crew meet for a farewell toast but Rocky isn’t there. He shows up after the toast wanting to be on the crew after all. Then the Bacchus 3 takes off, heading for adventure.
The ship lands on Karara but they don’t seem to eager to see them. Joe and Rocky leave the ship to meet with the Lord of Karara. After they leave, Ken slips away to do a little recon. He makes it to a small village where everyone is dressed as Arabs. He strolls around until he finds a bar. Wouldn’t you know it he gets into a bar fight and accidentally kills a Karara guard. He seems to accidentally kill a lot of people. After a brief chase they apprehend Ken. Joe is made aware for Ken’s capture. They throw Ken in a cell and he is to be executed later.
Joe and the Kararan leader successfully negotiate a deal. Bacchus 3 will help Karara defend themselves from their enemies. Now Joe has to get Ken out of jail.
At night, Joe contacts Ken through a radio hiden in Ken’s spacesuit. Ken needs to find a Caesaren office in another jail cell. Turns out Ken’s spacesuit has a few other things in it. Like an explosive device.

** Break
** Crow and Tom are really confused by the movie. Joel tries to explain how a plot works but the bots still seem to stumble with the idea. Frank and Dr Forrester are trying to figure it out as well, when Jack Perkins comes to help.

Ken uses one of the little explosive buttons from his suit to break out of his cell. He finds the officer and breaks him out. Ken and the officer battle their way out of the jail. They are injured pretty badly in the escape and are found by one of the Arab villagers. Ken awakens to find not some Arab type person but it’s actually his girlfriend Rita. He tells her the story from scene one and she believes him but she knows she must kill him anyway. She raises her gun but she can’t bring herself to kill the man she loves. She drops her gun and embraces Ken. He tells her it will never work between them. He grabs the gun and fires but not at Rita. He shoots two Kararan guards that were sneaking up behind her. Unfortunately for Rita, one of the shots broke off a tree limb and it hit her in the head, killing her.
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That’s three accidental deaths by Ken now.
Ken and the officer eventually find Bacchus 3, much to the delight of Tammy (Miyuki Tanigawa). The ship takes off and then……..

** Joel shows Tom and Crow what some of the buttons on his spacesuit do. One is for portion control. Dr Forrester and Frank have decided to genetically modify Jack Perkins. They start by cutting of his head.

Tatsuya Azuma and Miyuki Tanigawa are know just for this movie and its sequel
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Joe Shishido underwent cheek augmentation surgery in 1957 in an attempt to become more ruggedly handsome. He has been in more than 300 films in his career.
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Best Riffs
## “Watch the steno-pool go wild for his vinyl.
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## Everybody run! Tammy’s got a Gun!
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## Fisher-Price phone, sir.
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This one is a bit tuff to decide. The movie is pretty bad but it’s pieced together from a TV show so that doesn’t help. The plot is down right ridiculous but the riffs and host segments are good. I give it 3 out of 5.

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Episode 309

The Amazing Colossal Man
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** Joel is trying to get Tom and Crow to do their chores but they won’t come out of their clubhouse. The Mads invention is a plant that’s a music critic. Joel invents a tattoo that can be peeled off to make a new one.

A voice over explains that a plutonium bomb is about to be detonated in the Nevada desert. A group of soldiers are positioned in a trench near the site to find out what kind of effect it will have on combat troops. The timer goes off but the bomb doesn’t explode. The men are forced to hold their position. Just then a small airplane flies over them and crashes into the area near the bomb.  Lt. Col. Glenn Manning leaps from the trench to see if he can help the pilot. Just as Glenn is reaching the plane, the bomb goes off. The blast sears Glenn and his clothes.
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At the hospital, Glenn is in bad shape. He has third degree burns over his entire body. Waiting for him is his fiancée, Carol Forrest. A reporter strikes up a conversation with her. Turns out they were supposed to be married that day. Seems kind of odd that they would plan their wedding on the same day he is taking part in a military experiment, but there you have it.
Doctor Linstrom and the rest of the medical team don’t think Glenn (Glenn Langan) will survive but they bandage him up just as well. Of course the doctor isn’t so blunt with Carol. They wheel Glenn into a room and turn out the lights.
The next morning, they peak under his bandages and find that his skin is completely healed. The doctors are totally perplexed. Carol walks in and sees Glenn’s shiny new skin and is ecstatic.
The military and medical staff talk to the bomb developer to see if he can shed any light on this phenomenon. He is as clueless as everyone else. Dr Linstrom thinks that maybe the plutonium is what caused Glenn’s skin to grow back so quickly.

** Break
** Joel tries to get Tom and Crow to come up with some more sensitive ways to talk to Carol than the way the reporter did in the movie. Tom and Crow don’t seem to have a sensitive side. In fact, they say some insensitive things to Joel while they are at it.

The military decides to move Glenn and to keep Carol from seeing him. Carol is very confused by this. She goes to the hospital to see him but he’s not there. None of the staff seems to know where he is. Carol does some snooping and finds out where Dr. Linstrom is. He is at a rehabilitation center nearby. Carol (Cathy Downs) is able to slip into the building where she sees the doctor. Following him she find Glenn’s room.
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When the doctor leaves, she heads inside. She is stunned to see he has grow to twice his normal size. After letting out a scream she of course, faints.
Colonel Hallock and Dr Linstrom (William Hudson) tell Carol they were ordered to keep Glenn’s condition top secret so they couldn’t tell her anything. They then go into a long explanation about how the body is like a factory and Glenn’s is working three shifts including weekends. They need to figure out a way to get him to stop growing or he will die.
Then we see Glenn laying in his room.  He is having a dream. First a scene of he and Carol on a picnic. Glenn will be heading off to Korea soon and Carol is upset. Glenn tells her not to worry and gives her a big kiss. Now we see Glenn and another soldier in Korea. They are hiding behind a hill when two Korean soldiers attack them. Glenn survives but his buddy is killed. Then Glenn is back home. It’s another picnic and another kiss. Suddenly, Glenn is back at the bomb site. There is the flash of the explosion and then Glenn wakes up. He notices all of the furniture and everything else is small. He screams in horror.
The next day they let Carol see Glenn. She assures him everything will be alright. He’s not in a very talkative mood though.
The following day they set up a tent for Glenn to stay in. He’s now over 30 feet tall. They also bring in a large amount of beef.

** Break
** Joel pretends to be the Colossal Man while Tom and Crow play the medical staff and ask him questions. The questions are not very good, like “How many fish can you name?” The whole thing kind of falls apart after that.

A local newscast airs a report about the events surrounding Glenn’s accident. The public wants to know if he is alive or dead.
The doctors continue to run some experiments trying to figure out how to reverse Glenn’s accelerated growth. Dr Linstrom feels they should confine Glenn but he is so big now that it seems impossible.
Carol comes to see Glenn. The two of them sit outside talking but Glenn is really depressed.
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Carol tries to cheer him up but it’s no use. He is just sick of growing. He also doesnt believe the doctors will be able to help him. While sitting there Glenn seems to have some sort of pain. He tells Carol he is fine and walks away. Dr Linstrom walks up and tells Carol that she shouldn’t come any more but Carol insist Glenn needs her. Carol gives the doctor a ride back to the lab.
Glenn makes his way back to his tent. He tries to read a book but he can’t see the print. A sargeant comes in with his meal. As Glenn eats, the soldier takes out a newspaper. Glenn sees the headline, “Man lives through plutonium blast.” Glenn finds it funny and starts laughing. He then belittles and scares the sargeant who runs away in fear. Glenn starts having the pains again.
Back at the lab, Dr Linstrom shows Carol a representation of Glenn and how his heart isn’t growing as fast as the rest of his body.
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This explains why he is having the pains. His heart can’t take much more of this and eventually his will explode. He tells her she really should leave but Carol decides she is going to stay anyway.
Major Colton has been continuing the tests but he is getting discouraged. While walking around the lab, he and Linstrom talk about what to do next. Of course like any good research lab they have a camel and an elephant in there.
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That night Carol is awoken by Glenn’s painful cries. She goes to his tent to see if he is all right. He is pissed off about how horrible his life is. Glenn starts in on her like he did the sargeant. He tells her to leave and to never come back. Then he starts having more pain. The next morning Glenn has disappeared.
Meanwhile Colton (Larry Thor) has discovered how to stop Glenn’s growth. It has to do with his bone marrow. Linstrom is not convinced so Colton shows him the camel and elephant that he has shrunk down in the next room. Now he is very impressed. They just have to find Glenn before it’s too late. They take a couple of helicopters and fly out over the desert to look for him but they have no luck.

** Break
** Joel and the bots are looking out the window wondering just how big the colossal man will get. They agree if they ever met him they wouldn’t say any of those dumb big guy clichés like “How’s the weather up there.” Sure enough they run right into him.
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They ask him what he has been up to lately. He tells them some bit movie parts. Tom makes a crack about Las Vegas and the Colossal Man gets angry. Just when it looks pretty bad for Joel and company he starts having heart problems and has to go. 

Colonel Hallock asks Linstrom if he think Glenn is dangerous. He doesn’t know. Hallock isn’t taking any chances. He has sent more troops to the area with orders to stop Glenn if he acts aggressive. Carol overhears this and is shocked to say the least. Hallock assures her that they won’t do anything without cause.
Out in the desert, two men nearly drive into Glenn. Of course they are drunk and swear of drinking after seeing a giant.
Carol has a restless night trying to sleep. She finds Dr Linstrom. Again he insists that Carol leave. She can’t help him anymore and it’s not safe. Carol doesn’t want to leave.
The next morning Hallock (James Seay) and Linstrom give a briefing to the soldiers on what to do when they find Glenn. They have received reports of slaughtered cattle and they believe Glenn is near the southern tip of Nevada. Spotter planes and ground troops head out looking for him.
One of the planes locates Glenn outside of Las Vegas. Sure enough Glenn heads for the strip. As expected a 60 foot man gets a lot of attention.
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He stomps around the area while Linstrom, Colton and Carol fly towards him in a helocopter with the antidote in a huge syringe. Glenn rips the slipper off the Silver Slipper Casino. When a police officer fires a shot at Glenn he gets ticked off. He throws a palm tree and a car at the people that are watching all the excitement. More shots are fired and more throwing occurs. Just as the trio reach the city, Glenn heads for Boulder Dam. They are able to catch up to him before he reaches it. They quickly jab the needle into his ankle and inject the antidote. Glenn yanks the syringe out and throws it. It spears Colton, killing him. He then grabs Carol and starts walking across the dam. Linstrom is able to convince Glenn to set Carol down. When he does Hallock has his men open fire on him. Glenn is wounded and falls off the dam to his death

** Joel and the bots discuss how bad the movie was and what they would have done if they were that big. Dr Forrester tells Frank to push the button. The doctor has a tennis match with the Chirping Hell Beast but not before giving Frank an injection from a huge syringe.

Glenn Langan starred in Dragonwyck in 1946 with Gene Tierney and Vincent Price. He also was in The Snake Pit with Olivia de Havilland. He later became a successful real estate salesman. 
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Cathy Downs starred in My Darling Clementine and The Noose Hangs High with Abbott & Costello. She has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. In the 1960’s Downs became unemployed and in serious financial trouble. She died of cancer in 1976 at age 52.
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William Hudson also appeared in The She Creature and as the husband in Attack of the 50 Foot Woman. He was also the captain of the Seaview in the pilot episode of Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea. He died in 1974 at age 55 from cirrhosis
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Larry Thor worked in radio as an announcer and news reader in his native Canada and the US through the 1940’s before working in film. Thor began teaching in the screenwriting program at UCLA in 1968 until he died in 1976 at age 59
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James Seay was an character actor who often played government officials in movies and TV. He had a recurring role in The Life and Legend of Wyatt Earp.
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Best Riffs
## ‘Would you mind if i tried something on my own?’…’Oh,What is it?’ / “Oh! some Crystal Meth and a Leather Clown Suit!”
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## He’ll die of shock before morning. And if that doesn’t do it, infection will. 
And if that doesn’t do it, I will !
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## And this is why lawn darts were taken off the market, people.
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## How’s the tar heroin coming there?
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I really liked this episode. The movie is fun and I enjoyed the 1950’s special effects. It’s the right kind of movie for the show. 4 out of 5

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Episode 308

Gamera vs Gaos

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** Tom and Crow can’t stop talking like Lucille Ball. Magic Voice gets in on it also.
Dr. Forrester and Frank invented printers that you wear that show everyone what you’re really like. Joel made a fax machine that uses tissues as paper.

A news reporter says Gamera has returned after two years and has gone into an erupting volcano. Everyone is waiting to see what happens next.
Meanwhile a board meeting is underway. The new expressway, which runs near the volcano, is behind schedule and the boss wants to get things moving. He calls the foreman, Shiro Tsutsumi to get some answers. He doesn’t care about the volcano or the villagers that won’t sell their land; he just wants the job done. Shiro instructs his crew to get back to work.
A helicopter full of officials is flying over the volcano when suddenly a laser beam starts shooting out of the area. It hits the helicopter, splitting it in half.
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Nobody is sure where the beam came from but that’s not something Gamera normally does.
Shiro and some of the construction works run into a road block on their way to the job site. The farmers that have been holding out put it up and they come out to confront the men. Shiro tries to talk to them but they tell him wear to put it. A lady rides up on a bicycle and gets in the middle of the squabble. She convinces Shiro to take his men and leave. Meanwhile a local reporter has ridden into the area looking for information about the laser that took out the helicopter.
Turns out the farmers are just disrupting the construction with the hope of driving up the price for their land. The construction crew notices a glowing light coming from a nearby mountain. They go and investigate. The reporter also sees it. He runs into a little boy that shows him a way up the mountain. They find a cave with a glowing light coming from it. They head inside. They see something in the distance but before they can get a closer look the cave starts to collapse. The reporter high tails it out of there leaving the kid on his own.
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Reporter guy gets out safely but is then eaten by a large creature, aka Gaos. The kid eventually also gets out of the cave and runs into Gaos. Gaos has him cornered when out of the blue, Gamera shows up as well as the construction workers. Gaos snags the little kid then turns to face Gamera.

** Break
** Joel tries to demonstrate how to make a construction paper version of Gaos but Tom and Crow keep interrupting.

Gaos blasts several laser shots at Gamera seriously injuring his arm. Gamera rolls up on Gaos but he swats him away. In the process he drops the little boy on top of Gamera. The great turtle breaths fire at Gaos. The construction workers are watching the events unfold transfixed with fear.
Gaos backs off and Gamera, with the youngster on his back, flies away. He flies back to the village and the boy, Eiichi, is able to climb down to safety. Done being a hero, Gamera flies away.
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Eiichi is brought to a meeting of scientists and military personnel. They discuss Gaos and what they can do to destroy him. The military sends in a bunch of planes to try and bomb it but Gaos shots them down with his laser ray thing. Meanwhile Gamera is hiding out while his injured arm heals.
All the farmers’ cows and horses run away in the middle of the night. They seem to be spooked by something. It’s Gaos again. The next day the village leaders meet to decide if they should sell or not. They decide to let Eiichi’s grandfather negotiate for them. Meanwhile the scientists figure out that Gaos is nocturnal.

** Break
** Joel and the bots try to do a play based on the movie but with a Viking theme. Movie sign goes off before they can hardly get started.

Shiro (Kojiro Hongo) and a couple of the construction guys are still near the mountain so they keep watch for Gaos. Sure enough he pops up. The military opens fire on it with a bunch of tanks. Gaos flaps his wings and creates a huge gust of wind which blows everything away. He then flies into the city wreaking havoc.
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About this time Gamera finally shows up and a big fight starts. The sun starts to come up and Gaos breaks off the fight and heads for cover but not before Gamera bites off a couple of Gaos’s toes.
The scientists run some test on the toes and discover Gaos has a weakness. They come up with a plan to get rid of Gaos. If they can get him spinning around until the sun comes up, the UV light will do him in. They decide to use a rotating building to do the trick. They make some synthetic blood to try and lure Gaos into the trap.

** Break
** While Crow plays Ed Sullivan, Joel and Tom put on a plate spinning act that doesn’t go so well.

That evening Gaos comes out as expected. He starts flying around with such speed that he generates a tremendous amount of wind. Eventually he catches sight of the large amount of blood that the scientists set out in a huge bowl.
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Mmmm that’s good blood. Then the building Gaos is on top of starts rotating. This makes Gaos very dizzy and unable to escape. Oh no the power is starting to fail. Eventually the substation burns up causing the building to lose power and stops the rotating platform just as the sun comes up. Gaos is now really pissed off. He bashes in the building before flying away.
The villagers find out that the road is going to be moved to a different location. They are mad at Eiichi grandfather for telling them to hold out for more money. Now they are getting nothing. They demand that the old man do something about.
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Eiichi gets very upset and yells at the men the leave gramps only. They all feel ashamed for being so mean and leave. Eiichi then explains that Gamera would come back if they could build a large enough fire and it would weaken Gaos as well. The old man lets the powers that be know that they can burn the area around the villagers.
The construction crew gets to work cutting down trees and starting a fire. Gaos keeps putting out the flames but Gamera does eventually make an appearance. Then the final battle begins. Gaos blasts away at Gamera but the plucky little guy has learned from the previous fights not to stay in one place. Just when it seems that Gamera has the upper hand Gaos turns the tables. He picks up Gamera and drops him hard against the ground several times. As a last gasp Gamera throws a boulder and it lodges in bird boy’s mouth. image

Gamera then slams into Gaos and bites him in the neck. The sun starts to come up. This weakens Gaos even more so Gamera drags him into the volcano killing him. As Gamera flies away everyone celebrates.

** Joel and the bots try to come up with better ways of getting rid of Gaos, each one more outlandish than the next. Dr. Forrester and Frank have a few off their own.
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Kojiro Hongo: This is his second appearance on the show having also stared in Gamera vs Barugon in episode 304.
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Best Riffs
## Whoa, Cross-check, he’ll be in the box for two.
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## They must be at Six Flags over Osaka
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## The chief is calling you.
What, Sitting Bull?
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## How’s that pole coming, Mom?
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I’m not a big fan of this episode. The movie is really dull and hard to watch but the riffs save it some. 2 out of 5.

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Episode 307

Daddy-o
(Alphabet Antics)

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** Joel and the bots are hanging around the water cooler chating.
Dr Forrester is feeding the “baby” from last week’s show, so Joel goes first with the Invention Exchange. He made a mobile out of air fresheners. Dr F made a alien face hugger teething nook.

First up is a quick short – Alphabet Antics.
This was just a quick run through the alphabet with images for each letter.

Daddy-O
A truck driver is heading down a curvy highway when a little sports car nearly runs him off the road. The trucker follows the car which continues driving poorly. He finally has had enough and forces the driver to pull over. He jumps out of his truck ready to tear into the lousy driver but a young blond woman steps out of the car. A couple of men come over to see what’s going on.
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The young lady claims the trucker is the bad driver and has been flirting with her. Trucker boy is pissed and eventually the two head their separate ways.
Turns out the trucker is named Phil. He heads for a local club to meet some friends for drinking and dancing. While there, guess who walks in? The young lady from first scene. Her name is Jana and one of Phil’s friends knows her and introduces them. Of course Phil wants nothing to do with her.
The band convinces Phil (Dick Contino) to come up and sing a song. Turns out Phil is quite the crooner. While this is going on, in walks two men who obviously don’t fit in with the crowd. They head for the bar and start looking around the room. They seem to be eyeballing Sonny, another of Phil’s friends.

** Break
** Joel and the bots sing the “Pants Up” song inspired by how high Phil has his pants in the movie.
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Frank really digs the song. Dr F – not so much

Phil finishes the song and sits back down with his crew. Jana was only mildly impressed with his singing. She asks him to dance. He is still pretty steamed about earlier but agrees to the dance. All they do is bicker with each other until Jana dances with someone else.
After the dance they start at it again. Seems Phil is not just a singing truck driver, he is also a drag racer. Jana challenges him to a race which he gladly accepts. Loser has to buy a whole pizza.  They all head out except for Sonny. He tells Phil to hold on to a key for him then he slips out the back to avoid the bad guys. He gets to his car and takes off but the bad are right behind him. The chase is on. Sonny somehow loses control and rolls his car down a steep embankment. Of course it bursts into flames.
Jana, Phil and the rest all reach the starting line for the big race through the park. Remember, this for a pizza. Off they go.
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It’s neck and neck for the first little while until Jana cuts him off and takes the lead. Phil nearly hits the night watchman. Jana makes it to the pizza shop first. Everyone is stunned. When Phil shows up he is really pissed and is worried he will get in trouble if the watchman got his license. Sure enough he did. Well its pizza time for now.
The police show up and find Phil. They take him in for questioning. They charge him with several crimes including manslaughter. They think he caused Sonny’s car to go over the side. Later he is found guilty of the lesser charges and loses his license for a year. He also loses his truck driving job. The police Sargent tries to offer him a job. Phil’s not so sure.
Phil decides to try and figure out how Sonny got killed. He gets a ride to Jana’s house. He’s sure she caused the accident and confronts her but it turns out he’s wrong. The two of them start working together to solve the mystery. The key Sonny gave him is for a locker at Bruce’s gym. They head there and Phil tries to go to the lockers. He is stopped by Bruce. Wouldn’t you know it, it’s one of the bad guys from scene two. Phil doesn’t know it so he leaves the key with the nearsighted bad guy so he can clean out the locker.
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** Break
** Tom and Crow recreate their own version of the big race from the movie.

Phil and Jana sneak back into the gym after hours. Bruce and the other bad guy, Sidney,  are just about to open Sonny’s locker. They find something in there but Phil and Jana can’t see what it was.
The next day, Phil is at the club where he sang before. He’s telling a friend how he’s still out of work. In walks Sidney. He saddles up to Phil and tells him he might be able to get him some work. Seems Sidney has a new night club he is opening and needs a singer. Phil agrees to check the place out. Sidney sends his manicurist to pick him up. She is very smitten with Phil.
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At the new club, Sidney (Bruno VeSota) shows Phil around. Bruce is there. He is Sidney’s personal masseur. Sidney offers Phil the job and even gives him a car and a fake drivers license. Phil accepts.
Phil heads home when Jana shows up. She was lonely and really wanted to see Phil. They share a passionate kiss. Later Phil clues her in on his new job. He has to make sure no one knows who he is so he comes up with a new stage name – Daddy-O.
Opening night at the club is a huge success. Daddy-O knocks them dead.
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During a break, Phil gets word that Jana is in Sidney’s office. He storms in and finds Jana is going to become a cigarette girl. Phil tells Jana to leave but she refuses. He storms off in anger. Time for more singing. Jana comes in with her smokes which only makes Phil even angrier. He starts singing a song to the manicurist and give a big kiss at the end of the song. Jana (Sandra Giles) is not sure what to make of Phil.
Later Sidney has a talk with Phil. He has a package that needs to be delivered and he needs Phil and his great driving skills to deliver it. He gives him $750 to do it. Phil makes the delivery which really pleases Sidney.

** Break
** Joel is showing the bots what a spit take is when another spaceship runs into them. It’s nearsighted Bruce from the film and he wants the the gym key.
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Later Sidney needs Phil to make another delivery. Phil drives to the spot, throws the package out the window and prepares to head back. Oh no, its the cops. They chase after him. Only through some fancy driving is Phil able to escape. The bad guys that were supposed to be getting the packages are upset that one of them didn’t arrive. Those guys grab Phil so they can have a little talk with him. They drive him to a warehouse and work him over. They are looking for some drugs. Turns out they have the wrong guy. They dump him outside Sidney’s office. Jana just happens to be there. She helps him to his feet and cleans him up. Phil has figured out who killed Sonny. He was double crossing Sidney so they ran him off the road that night.
Phil and Jana follow Sidney to find out where he is getting the drugs from. While snooping around Bruce catches them and he has a gun. Back at the night club Sidney tells Phil he has to pick up some money. Bruce (Jack McClure) will go with him and Jana will stay at the club to make sure Phil does as he is told.
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Phil and Bruce get the money and start heading back. On the way, Bruce has Phil stop the car and get out. Phil swipes Bruce’s glasses so he can’t see and a fist fight ensues. With Bruce unable to see, Phil wins the battle. He heads back to the club but stops and calls the police first. He arrives at the club but he doesn’t have the money. It fell on the ground during the fight. Sidney has locked Jana in his sauna and turned the heat up. He demands the money. Phil tries to rescue Jana but Sidney takes a shot at him so he makes a run for it. He hides in the wine cellar as Sidney stalks him.
Somehow Bruce makes it back to the club and grabs a spare pair of glasses from the desk. He hears Jana in the sauna and gets her out. He makes her drive back so he can look for the money.
The police set up a road block and are able to capture Bruce.
Meanwhile Phil sneaks up on Sidney and knocks him out. The police and Jana get to the club and find Phil.
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Everyone at the club wants to hear Phil sing. Thankfully the movie ends before that can happen.

** Joel liked the scene where Phil slapped an apple out of Jana’s hand so he and the bots do their own version of it. Frank does the same with Dr Forrester.

Dick Contino is an accordionist and singer and appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show 48 times.
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Sandra Giles appeared in small rolls in several movies and TV shows in the fifities and sixties.
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Bruno VeSota appeared in many sci-fi films in the fifities and early sixties including Attack of the Giant Leeches and The Wild World of Batwoman. He also directed a few as well. He played the barman in a number of episodes of Bonanza.
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Jack “Tipp” McClure had an uncredited role in Some Like It Hot and made several appearances in TV shows through the sixties.
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Best Riffs
## “It only hurts when I breathe.” Then don’t breathe.
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## Say! Those pants are kinda’ high aren’t they?!?
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## “No one has ever beaten him through that before!”
Well no one else has ~these
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## “Let’s see: Jockstrap, ‘nother jockstrap… This guy really liked jockstraps!”
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This was a really good episode. The short is a little week but the movie is at least watchable. 4 out of 5.

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Episode 306

Time of the Apes
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** It’s baseball season on the Satellite of Love and Joel turns Tom into a batting tee. He hits the ball and puts a hole in the ship’s hull. Gypsy has to patch it. She scolds them for playing ball in the house. As soon as she leaves Joel hits it again. This time Crow catches it.
For the Invention Exchange Joel invents the cellulite phone which reminds you to stop dialing and start dieting. Frank invents Miracle Baby Growth Wonder Formula. It turns a toddler into a full grown man in seconds.

Little Johnny is having some breakfast with his mother. His father comes to join them. There is a knock at the door. It’s Caroline. She and Johnny are going to visit his uncle at his laboratory. Suddenly there is a mild earth quake. Johnny’s parents want him to stay home but he doesn’t care and is determined to spend some time with his gal pal, so he and Caroline head off anyway.
At the lab they meet up with Catherine, who shows them around. Johnny’s uncle shows up and he takes them to see the cold experiment they are working on. They are cryogenically freezing monkeys. He thaws one out to show them how simple it is. They have even done this with people. Catherine takes the kids to show them the chambers used for humans. Uh oh, the nearby volcano starts erupting and everything in the lab beings shaking. The three hide in some of the freezing chambers as the building starts crumbling down around them. Wouldn’t you know it, a boulder hits the control lever and our heroes are put into a deep freeze.
The three wake up on some exam tables in the same room. They start looking around the facility but nothing seems normal. They open a door and suddenly there is a bunch of apes in lab coats. Of course this freaks them out and they take off running. It’s no use as the apes capture them and tie them to a tree.
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What appears to be the head ape comes along and has them blindfolded. They are then taken to a desolate area with a bunch of human bones lying around. The three decide to make a run for it. Despite the fact the apes have guns, did I mention before they have guns, well anyway, the three manage to get away. They find a house and slip inside. There is a young ape in there but it is not afraid of them.

** Break
** Joel and the bots show some clips from the film and ask “why doesn’t Johnny care”?

Soon the apes find them and chase them some more. When they pass by some sort of statue the apes stop dead in their tracks. Apparently our heroes are heading towards Green Mountain,  which scares the apes. More soldiers are called out to look for the humans. Johnny, Caroline and Catherine continue running through the mountainous jungle. They get past a couple of traps before Caroline gets caught in a net. Johnny climbs up the tree to try and cut her loose. Suddenly there is another human and he has a gun. His name is Godo. He also has a knife so he cuts Caroline down and takes them to his home. It’s a lovely cave in the mountains. Godo does not remember seeing any other humans yet he seems to be able to converse easily with our trio.
The apes continue the hunt. Most of them are very afraid but their commander keeps pushing them onward.
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Godo decides to shave off his beard to look more civilized and to impress Catherine. Just then the little ape from earlier comes in. It’s name is Pepe and it warns them that the apes are getting close. Godo runs off with his rifle to see what he can do. The apes have set some fires to try and smoke them out. Godo and the apes exchange some gun fire but the smoke forces him and the others to make a run for it.
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It’s no use as the apes are able to corner them.
The apes are well aware of Godo and prepare a firing squad to finally kill him. At that moment the top ape shows up. He orders the execution stopped. Godo tries to rush him but the ape stops him with a crushing blow to the head and down goes Godo. For some reason a flying saucer appears in the sky just then. Not the least bit interested in it, the head honcho orders all of the humans to be brought back to headquarters. He tells Catherine that as long as they cooperate they will not be harmed.

** Break
** Joel and the bots do a dramatization of the scopes monkey trial with Gypsy as the defendant and a cardboard cutout if Judge Wapner presiding.

The apes put Godo in an electrified escape proof room while the others are put in a room by themselves. Pepe somehow gets into the facility. Pepe crawls through the air vents to the trios room. Pepe and Johnny then crawl around until they find Godo. Just then then commander ape comes in their room. He has waited a long time to take out Godo and prepares to shoot him.
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He turns of the electrical field and walks toward Godo. That’s when Johnny drops down out of the vent on to his back. Godo beats the tar out of the commander and the three of them make their escape. They hide out in the back of a truck until some soldiers hop in with them. The truck drives into town and the three are able to slip away. Meanwhile the apes interrogate Caroline and Catherine to find out where the others have gone but they have no idea.
Godo, Johnny and Pepe start working their way back to the base to rescue the girls. Along the way they see the flying saucer from earlier. It seems to be taking pictures. They are not sure what the make if it. Is it watching over them or what?  Anyway, they continue on toward the base. They sneak in and get to the girls and a tearful reunion ensues.
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They all escape but are soon surrounded. There is that flying saucer again. This time the apes decide to blast it out if the sky. The saucer emits some kind of ray which renders all of their guns useless. Our heroes are able to get to a jeep drive away. The flying saucer makes another visit so they decide to follow it to try and contact it.
First they take Pepe home to her mother. That’s right; Pepe was girl ape the whole time. Later they run into the ape commander again. He and Godo engage in a serious firefight. Oh no, Godo is out of bullets.

** Break
** Joel and the bots put on a mock newscast. Crow has the fashion minute complete with clips of all the clothing worn by the apes in the movie.

The ape commander is ready to finish off Godo, when the flying saucer shows up again and disables the commander’s gun. He pleads with them to let him kill Godo. He claims Godo killed his wife and son. The saucer lands and shows a video of Godo trying to save them. The commander is devastated by this and wanders away in shame. The top ape shows up and tries to convince the humans to come back with him but they decide to move on.
They work their way through the mountains and see the saucer land behind a rock formation. They try to find it but only find a metal door in the mountain.
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The door suddenly opens so they go inside. It closes behind them forcing them to deeper into the mountain. A funky light show starts and just like that, Caroline wakes up in a bed in some strange room. She opens a door a steps out into the hallway. She starts searching for the others. She and Catherine find each other and try to figure out what the hell is going on and what to do next. Just then several figures appear at the end of the hallway. They’re worried it the apes again but it turns out to just be several human scientist. They are back at the lab. They were cryogenically frozen the whole time. Catherine asks about Johnny and Godo. Johnny is in the other room they tell her but they don’t know anything about someone named Godo. Catherine finds a pendant Godo was wearing in one of the freezing chambers. Caroline and Johnny are then reunited with their parents.
Dr Lee, one of the scientists, tells Carolina that it took seven days for the rescuers to get them out of the lab. Caroline tells them about all that happened to them and that it had all lasted 6 months. Dr Lee gives her some mumbo-jumbo explanation above cold temperatures and time shifting to make sense of it.
Later, Catherine is out with the children. They want to know what happened to Godo. Catherine tells them he is on another time line but will always be in their hearts.

** Joel and the bots sing the Sandy Frank song. Dr Forrester and Frank are trying to decide who should push the button and who should change the giant baby’s diaper. The baby pushes the button.

Cast
Garrick Hogan (the voice of Godo) played Briggs in the original Star Wars.

Best Riffs
## Colonel Sanders!! What happened?
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## The King of the Apes rides in style in a new Buick Skylark.
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## I’m no good until I get a cup of coffee.
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Not a great episode. This was originally a Japanese TV show and was turned into a movie for American audiences to try and capitalize on the popularity of the Plant of the Apes movie. The movie is really bad and a little difficult to get into. 2 out of 5.

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Episode 305

Stranded in Space (aka The Stranger)
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** Joel turns Tom and Crow into shooting gallery targets since it gets pretty boring up there.
For the invention exchange Joel takes the old prop gun that says gang when you pull the trigger and makes a prop Uzi. The Mads make a prop harpoon gun. So Joel makes a prop knife. Then the Mads do prop nun chucks. Joel makes prop dynamite. The Mads make a prop dynamite plunger.

Three astronauts are hanging out in their space capsule. There seems to be some kind of minor malfunction with the transponder but ground control doesn’t seem too concerned about it. Suddenly there is a loud bang and the capsule begins to shake and spin out of control.
The camera fades out and we are now in a hospital. One of the astronauts, Neil Stryker (Glenn Corbett), is lying in a bed. A nurse comes in to give Neil some telegrams from well-wishers. Dr. Revere comes in and tells him he is making progress. Neil doesn’t understand why he has had to stay in the hospital for the past two weeks. The doctor explains they need to observe his mental capacities. Then we see that Neil is being watched through a two way mirror. Dr Revere (Tim O’Connor) gives Neil an injection. Neil tells him he has been having strange dreams about his life. He is also very suspicion of the doctor.
Later the doctor is watching Neil from behind the two way mirror. His supervisor, Benedict, is there.
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While Neil has been sleeping they have been questioning him to learn more about his past and the space program he is with. Benedict wants to end the questions and take a more forceful approach. They decide to give him another injection but Neil attacks the orderly and tries to escape. Benedict takes a shot at him and security begins searching for him. He hides in an office and another doctor comes in. She tells security where he is but he is able to get away.

** Break
** Tom and Crow are playing with their trading cards. Joel helps them settle a dispute. The trading cards are all of 1970’s TV shows.

Neil finds a phone booth and tries to call Cape Kennedy. The operator has never heard of it or Orlando or Florida. Neil then hitches a ride in a van. While driving he notices that there are three moons in the sky. He realizes he is not on earth.
The next day, Benedict is leading a meeting with the Security Council. He informs them about Neil and that he needs to be found. He also tells them to alert the public a mental patient has escaped. Dr. Revere is there also. The doctor thinks they could learn a lot from Neil. Benedict knows better and reminds the doctor about the perfect order and how great things are and how bad things used to be. Dr. Revere agrees and goes on his way but Benedict thinks he’s lying. He tells his assistant, Henry they need to take him to Ward-E.
Neil is still riding in the van and notices everyone is left handed. The radio in the van comes on and talks about the perfect order. Then they tell of a mental patient that has escaped. Neil realizes that they are talking about him and quickly gets out of the van.
He slips into a book store and asks for a book about the planet. The old shop keeper calls it Terra.
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He shows him a book but it only goes back about 35 years to the start of the perfect order. There is no more war or famine. Everything is much better now. Neil starts to have some pain in his side. The old man helps him to a room in back of the store where he can rest. He lies down to get some rest. The old man calls for a doctor. Wouldn’t you know it; it’s the lady doctor from when he was escaping. She tells him the Dr Revere can help him and that he should turn himself in. He agrees and she starts to drive him back to the facility. Neil changes his mind and forces the car up a dirt road. He finally convinces her to help him.

** Break
** Crow tells Tom about a weird dream he has in which he and Joel were going on a camping trip. Joel was dressed in an apron and women’s underwear.
He and Tom start discussing what do they each think Ward-E from the movie is like. Joel walks up in an apron and women’s underwear which scares Crow.

Neil and the doctor drive away. She’s tells Neil her name is Betina Cook. They drive to a farm and meet Professor Dylan MacAuley. The professor fills Neil in about Terra and the perfect order.
Benedict is called before the head council. They are concerned about Stryker’s escape. Benedict assures them he will be captured. They let him know he had better get him.
Benedict and Henry (Steve Franken) know Neil is with Dr. Cook but they can’t seem to find her on any of their surveillance cameras. They figure she must be hiding with someone they don’t know about. Benedict goes to Ward-E and tries to get some information out of Dr. Revere, whom they had sent there earlier, but he seems to be in a catatonic state.
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Neil and the professor come up with a plan to get Neil back to earth. Terra is scheduled to launch a rocket of their own the next day. The plan is to swap Neil out for one the astronauts at the last minute so he can take the ship back home. The professor has a medical condition and when it flares up he hurriedly gives himself an injection. When Betina (Sharon Acker) realizes she isn’t going to see Neil again they share a passionate kiss.
Betina heads home. When she arrives Benedict is waiting for. He and Henry take her away for questioning.
Neil and the professor are able to get to the launch site. They head to the old man’s office and go over the plan. Suddenly the professor needs another shot but he drops the syringe. He’ll have to go back home to get another because there is no way anyone on the base would have any medical supplies.
Back at home, he shoots up and then there is a knock at the door
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. It’s Betina and she was been beat up. Benedict (Cameron Mitchell) and his men roughed her up to try and figure out where Neil is but she didn’t tell them. She wants to see Neil again and tell him that she loves him. The professor (Lew Ayres) says no. She drives away in a huff.
At the launch site, Neil is waiting to change places with one of the astronauts. One of the medical personal recognizes him. Neil grabs a nearby letter opener and forces him outside. He gives him one good punch and knocks him out cold, then stashes him in a dumpster.

** Break
** Joel is playing a villain and Tom and Crow are his henchmen. He sends each of them off to kill TV stars from 70’s cop shows but Tom and Crow get confused by the jargon and are not sure what to do.

Professor MacAuley starts heading back to the base. He’s being followed. It’s Betina. And she’s working with Benedict. She calls him on the radio and tells him where they are headed.
At the base, Neil makes his move. He talks his way passed a guard, gives him a karate chops and steals his gun. It time to make the switch.
Professor old guy gets back to the base. Betina catches up to him. She gives him the sob storyline again and he relents. Benedict and Henry hurry to the base. Benedict tells Henry he may have to take his place soon if they don’t catch Neil. Neil has tied up the other astronaut when the professor and Betina arrive. The professor keeps watch as Neil and Betina say their goodbyes. Benedict and his team arrive. They find the professor and gun him down. Neil makes a run for it and the chase is on. The bullets fly as they run through the underground piping corridors. Neil is able to put one in Benedict’s arm but they finally corner him. Neil notices a bunch of liquid oxygen vessel. As he jumps over a retaining wall into the ocean he shoots the tank and it causes a huge explosion.
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Benedict finds Betina and tells her she did the right thing for the perfect order. Henry thinks Neil died in the explosion but Benedict tells Henry to get proof. But Neil didn’t die.
He crawls out of the water onto a beach. Suddenly there is a man with a flashlight shining in his face. Neil tells him his boat capsized and he swam to shore. The man and his family offer Neil a ride up the coast.

** Tom is a movie executive and Crow and Joel try to sell him on the movie they just watched as a TV show. Tom ain’t buying it. Dr. Forester tries to tell Frank that he might have to take over for him some day. Frank has no idea what he is talking about.

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Glenn Corbett is best know as Lincoln Case on the television series Route 66.

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Tim O’Connor played Dr. Elias Huer in Buck Rogers in the 25th Century as well as guest roles in many TV shows,  including Barnaby Jones, Dynasty, The A-Team, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Dukes of Hazzard and M*A*S*H.
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Sharon Acker made guests appearances on The Mod Squad, The Streets of San Francisco, Quincy, M.E., Simon & Simon and Murder, She Wrote among many.
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Lew Ayres played banjo and guitar for big bands in the twenties before staring as Paul Bäumer in All Quiet on the Western Front in1930. He also played Dr. Kildare in several films from 1938 to 1942.
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Cameron Mitchell co-starred with Doris Day, James Cagney, Gary Cooper, Susan Hayward, Richard Widmark, Spencer Tracy, Marlon Brando and many more. He is best know for his role in High Chaparral.
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Steve Franken appeared as the drunken waiter Levinson in The Party, alongside Peter Sellers in 1968. He is also the cousin of Al Franken.

Best Riffs
## ‘Well how’s our number one patient?’  “Uhh, just went number two Doctor!”
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## “Did u ever see anyone starve to death?” –What did u have in mind?
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## “You need to turn yourself in.”
“Ok, on 1 condition…” we stop at the DAIRY QUEEN!
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This was originally a pilot for a TV show that never got made. Watching this you can see why. It’s very dull.
Episode wise this is a good one. 3 out of 5.

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Episode 304

Gamera vs Barugon
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** Tom Servo and Crow are having a little debate about Mac vs PC.
For the invention exchange Joel makes an animatronic soda can to promote recycling. Dr Forrester and Frank make a disco bubble cumber bun.

The film starts with a flashback to the first movie. After Gamera was launched in to space, his rocket was struck by a meteor. Now free of the rocket, Gamera returns to earth. He heads to a hydroelectric power station to get some fuel and then he bashes in the dam. Just like that he flies away to look for a volcano to get more fuel.
Meanwhile, a man named Kano tells his brother and two others about a huge opal he hid in a cave in the jungles of New Guinea during World War 2.
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He can’t go get it because of an injury so he decides to send his brother Keisuke and the two others, Kawajiri and Onodera, to get it. They plan on selling it and becoming filthy rich. Using fake documents they board a cargo ship that will take them there and then search the jungle for the opal. On board the ship they pretend to be crew members to blend in.
The boat gets to New Guinea and Keisuke flies the three of them via helicopter inland to a village. When they arrive they find a Japanese man, Dr. Matsushita , living with the villagers. He and the villagers warn the men to stay away from the cave because an evil spirit lives there. Nonsense they say and head off into the jungle.

** Break
** Joel and the bots show off their new monsters action set, complete with army men, ambulances and much more so you can destroy Tokyo just like in the movies.

The men locate the cave and begin scrounging around. Sure enough Kawajiri finds the opal. He and Keisuke (Kōjirō Hongō) are excited but Onodera doesn’t seem to be. He sees a scorpion crawling up Kawajiri’s leg but doesn’t tell him. It stings Kawajiri and he collapses and dies. Onodera takes the opal but Keisuke makes him give him their gun. He doesn’t seem to trust Onodera. He was right to think that. Onodera lights a couple sticks of dynamite and throws them in the cave. The explosion traps Keisuke in the cave. Now Onodera has the opal to himself.
Keisuke wakes up and he’s in the village. One of the villagers, Karen, tells him they found him just in time. Onodera is long gone with the opal. Karen and Dr Matsushita tell him that it’s not an opal.
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The legend says that great harm will come to many if it is not returned. Karen wants to go to Japan to warn everyone.
Onodera re-boards the ship from earlier and heads back to Japan. He hides the opal but accidentally exposes it to infrared light. It turns out the opal is actually an egg. The egg hatches and a lizard comes out of it. A little while later, the boat reaches the harbor. Kano is on the dock waiting.
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All of a sudden the ship begins to thrash about and a fire erupts on board. Everyone jumps overboard and is rescued. Kano searches for his brother. He finds Onodera who tells him his brother and Kawajiri are dead and the opal sank with the ship. Just then a giant lizard comes out of the water and begins destroying everything.

** Break
** Tom and Crow pretend to be ladies out having lunch while Joel is their waiter.

Back at Kano’s home, he and Onodera try to decide how to get the opal. They need a diver but the giant lizard is closing in on them. Kano wants to wait but Onodera doesn’t. He thinks they should get it now after he has taken so many risks to get it. He lets slip that he killed the other two men and Kano attacks him. Onodera is able to overpower him and leaves him for dead.
Meanwhile the big reptile is smashing up the city. The military fires away at it with as many tanks as they can get. The lizard sticks out its tongue and uses its freeze breath to cover everything in ice.
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It even freezes the fighter jets that they attack it with. Running out of options, the military decides to fire long range misses at it. Before they can be fired, the lizard fires a giant rainbow from his back all the way to the missile base. It destroys all the missiles. Gamera is attracted to the Rainbow and he comes flying in. The lizard freezes him as well.
Keisuke and Karen arrive in Japan. When she sees the lizard on the news she says it’s Barugon and she knows how to stop it. Keisuke and Karen (Kyōko Enami) look for his brother then end up at Onodera’s place. It’s fight time again. This time Onodera loses and they tie him up to a post. Keisuke’s arm is injured in the fight and Karen sucks on the wound which makes it feel better??? Anyhow, they leave and go to the defense ministry. She tells them Barugon is attracted to diamonds and she has one that should do the trick. It’s a 5000 karat diamond.
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They can use it to lure it to a lake and drown him.
Onodera is freed from his bonds by his wife. She tells him about the diamond from the news. He makes up his mind to go get it.
Keisuke and Karen fly the diamond over Barugon. He seems interested for a while but then turns away. The plan failed. Turns out the infrared light he was exposed to makes him not so interested in shiny things. If they expose the diamond to the light it should get its attention. They spray Barugon with water since it can’t move when wet.
They put the diamond in an experimental death ray and drive it out to where Barugon is. They turn it on and the great lizard starts to follow them. Onodera sees all this happening. He jumps in his car to go after the diamond.

** Break
** Joel and the bots are sitting around on some lawn chairs. Joel tells the bots about going to the drive in movies back on earth. Tom wants to know why no big stars are in the Gamera movie. Joel says the movie is full of famous actors but he gets a little carried away showing them.

They lure Barugon to the lake.
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Just then Onodera shows up. He pulls out a gun and takes the diamond. As he drives away, Barugon attacks and swallows him and the diamond.
Just when all hope seems lost, Keisuke discovers that mirrors are not affected by Barugon’s rainbow beams. They device a plan to make a giant mirror and then reflect its beam back at it. With the mirror ready they start firing at Barugon to make it fire its rainbow. Sure enough the plan works and the reflected ray hits Barugon but it doesn’t kill him. It won’t make that mistake again. Turns out the plan didn’t work after all.
While this is going on Gamera finally thaws out and he’s not happy. He finds Barugon and a fight ensues. Gamera bites into Barugon and drags him under water. Finally Barugon is defeated. Gamera flies away in victory.
Everyone is happy except Keisuke. He is feeling ashamed and alone. His greed caused all this. He tells Karen he’ll take her back to her village. Karen tells him he’s not alone.

** The bots want to know why Gamera got top billing even though he was barely in the movie. Joel says Gamera worked behind the camera more on this film. He then shows them a bunch of books about behind the scenes of the movie. Frank picked out a book for Dr. Forrester to read at the beach. It’s the un-cut version of Steven King’s The Stand.
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It so heavy it knocks him over.

Kōjirō Hongō appeared in two other Gamera movies
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Kyōko Enami has appeared in over 100 Japanese movies and TV shows.
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## Best Riffs
It’s a skittles commercial
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Whatever you do don’t hit the inflatable reindeer
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What! are they at a Columbo try out
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I found this episode to be a bit of a dud. The movie was boring and the riffing was only so-so. I give it 2 out of 5.

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Episode 303

The Pod People (1983)
Extra-Terrestrial Visitors

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** Crow does a bit from his one man show “Robot on the Run” with a little nod to Red Skelton. Tom does his which seems similar to An Officer and a Gentleman.
For the invention exchange, Joel demonstrates a new guitar chord with the help of Crow. His guitar blows up. Dr Forrester and Frank invented a karaoke machine that just plays public domain songs.

Three poachers are out in some very foggy woods at night. There seems to be a bit of a storm brewing as they look around the area for eggs to steal. Unbeknownst to them a meteor is heading towards earth. Meanwhile a little boy is awoken nearby and noticed the lightning. He looks through his telescope in his room and sees the meteor hurtling towards him. It slams into the ground in the woods. The little boy gets scared and goes back to bed. One of the poachers decides to go see where it hit. He finds a glowing red cave with a bunch of eggs in it. What luck! An egg poacher finds a bunch of unusual eggs. So he does what any poacher would do, he starts smashing them with a stick. He nearly has all of them smashed when he hears something behind him. Whatever it is, it puts an end to the poacher.
The other two poachers can’t find their friend so they decide to get out of the area. They go as far as they can then make camp for the night.
The next day, the little boy is eating breakfast. His name is Tommy. He lives with his mother and uncle and he likes to collect insects.
Now it’s a recording studio and a singing group is laying down a track.
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The leader is not happy with the take and they stop recording.
And now it’s back to the two poachers. They are looking to kill some game but they have to wait for the rangers to drive away.
Back to the recording studio. It’s full on jam session time now. The singer Rick (Ian Sera) is belting out the lyrics accompanied by his three back up singers, Cathy, Tracy and Sharon. They finish the take but he thinks it stinks. He blames the girls. That doesn’t sit well with them. The four bicker a bit before their manager Brian comes in. He suggests they quit for the day and go spend some time in the woods relaxing .

** Break
** Joel and the bots recreate the scene from the recording studio.
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While the Mads like it, Joel declares that “It stinks!”

Rick, Brian and the three girls head for their camper. They open the door and there is another girl. It’s Lara (Susanna Bequer) . Rick forgot he invited her too. Sharon, Rick’s girlfriend is pissed and doesn’t want to go. Brian and Cathy talk her into it.
Meanwhile, Tommy goes for a walk in the woods. He’s looking for more specimens when he spots the cave with the weird eggs.
Back in the camper, it’s all smiles as Brian drives the back roads to wherever.
Tommy heads into the cave and picks up the last egg. As he leaves he sees the dead poacher from earlier. He has some sort of glowing dots on his forehead. Tommy quickly gets out of there.
The band has found a campsite. Rick and Lara are off looking for fire wood. Lara doesn’t think the other girls like her. That’s okay, she just wants to make out with Rick any way. She lays a big wet one on him just before Sharon comes looking for them.
Later they all are sitting around the camp fire eating. Lara decides to tell Sharon what her and Rick were doing in the woods. Sharon throws a drink in her face and Lara storms off into the woods. She stumbles around for a while and gets lost. The two poachers left over from the opening scene find her. They try to grab her but she takes off running. Suddenly she is confronted by the alien from in the cave. She screams and falls off a small cliff. She crashes to the bottom and is unconscious.
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The others hear her scream and go looking for her. Before they can get to her the alien finds her and touches her forehead. The poacher guys take off as Rick and Brian reach her. In spite of the fact she has just fall down a cliff they pick her up and move her back to the camper. After covering her with a blanket they try to force some alcohol down her throat. She is out cold though. They decide to try and find a phone to call for help.
Tommy has brought the egg back home and is hiding it in his room.
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He goes to bed and puts it under his covers.
The band finds a cabin. It just happens to be the cabin Tommy lives in. They take Lara inside and ask to use the phone but it doesn’t work. Uncle Bill says the lines are down due to a rock slide. Looks like they’re stuck. They put Lara to bed and take turns keeping an eye on her. Tommy’s mom, Molly, makes coffee for everyone. She says there is a ranger station they can go to in the morning. While this is going on, the egg in Tommy’s bed hatches and it’s a little alien.

** Break
** Inspired by the music in the movie, Joel and the bots perform “Music by Some Guy in Space”

The two poachers are camped out for the night and are trying to decide how to get back to town. Just then the alien comes walking up. One of the men tries to offer it food. The other sneaks up behind it and throws a net over it. The alien is too strong. It rips the net and slugs the guy. The other poacher shoots it with a crossbow. The alien just snaps the arrow off and heads off into the woods.
Back at the cabin, Tommy has got some milk for his new friend. He names him Trumpy. He had grow a lot since hatching. Trumpy sucks down the milk. Tommy can’t wait to start playing with him. When Tommy wakes up the next morning Trumpy is even bigger.
Meanwhile, Sharon (Nina Ferrer) wakes up in the room with Lara. Uh oh, Lara’s dead. While everyone is in the room, Tommy gets some more food for Trumpy. Again he literally sucks it down.
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Tommy tries to get Trumpy to play. He doesn’t understand the puzzle so Tommy gets out “Simon”. He demonstrates how to play. Suddenly Trumpy is able to control the game with his mind.
Uncle Bill and Brian decide to try and get to the ranger station. They hop in the Jeep and drive away.
Trumpy starts showing Tommy some of the things he can do with his mind. He makes the lights go on and off, Tommy’s clothes fly around the room and levitate his furniture. Molly makes Tommy come help with cleaning the breakfast table so Trumpy is alone in the room. When Tommy comes back to the room, Trumpy is missing. He searches the house and finds Lara. She has those same glowing dots on her forehead like the poacher guy.
Uncle Bill and Brian make it to the ranger station. Bill’s not taking any chances so he bring his shotgun. Doesn’t look like anyone is there. They check the radio. It’s dead. They look in the back room and find one of the other poachers dead with those glowing dots. As they try to leave the alien is there. He hits Brian (Emilio Linder) and down he goes. Uncle Bill heads for the Jeep but the alien gets to him and smashes his window. He still is able to get away.
Now it’s back to the cabin. Cathy and Sharon are sleeping and Tommy is still looking for Trumpy. The others are starting to get worried about Brian and uncle Bill. They have been gone for hours. Tracy is bored and goes out to the camper. In there she encounters the alien. Tommy sees this and thinks it’s Trumpy. He sneaks outside looking for Trumpy. Uncle Bill makes it back and sees Tracy on the ground. He spots the alien in the trees and starts firing. Rick and Molly come outside to see what all the commotion is about. Bill tells them Brian is dead and some creature did it. Rick is steamed and wants some answers. Molly calms him down and they take Tracy inside.

** Break
** Joel and the bots pretend Trumpy is making stuff levitate around the ship. Dr Forrester and Frank are very confused.
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Rick wants to get in the camper and take off with what’s left of his band. Molly again calms him down. They decide to wait it out in the cabin. Rick and uncle Bill are constantly at each others throats. Rick even fires a shot at uncle Bill. Molly again calms him down. Tommy starts knocking on the door. He’s locked out of the house. They let him in and Molly sends him to his room.
Sharon and Cathy finally wake up
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and Cathy heads off to take a shower. Tommy goes to his room and Trumpy comes out of the closet. Tommy interrogates Trumpy about killing the girl. Trumpy indicates it wasn’t him, that there is another alien. Tommy decides they should run off into the woods and hide. He dresses Trumpy up in a disguise so they can sneak out.
Cathy finishes her shower when suddenly the alien is there and bam, down goes Cathy. Uncle Bill gets off another shot at it but it escapes. Rick and uncle Bill decide it’s time to do a little alien hunting. Tommy hears this and tells them they just want to be our friends. Molly calms him down. Uncle Bill and Rick head out into the foggy night. Just then Trumpy walks into the room. Molly grabs a rifle and takes aim but Tommy stands in the way.
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He and Trumpy run out the door. Sharon and Molly pursue them. Now there’s four people out hunting aliens.
The woods are so foggy that everyone gets lost. Tommy literally stumbles upon the bad alien. He hollers for his mom and Trumpy. Everyone hears him and tries to locate the kid. Trumpy gets there first and saves Tommy. Tommy tries to make friends with the other alien. Rick and uncle Bill arrive and try to blast them. The mean alien attacks killing uncle Bill but Rick guns it down. Tommy and Trumpy make a run for it. The other alien disolves into the ground. Tommy decides he and Trumpy can’t stay together anymore. He leaves Trumpy in the woods and runs back to his mother. The remaining characters head out of the woods.

** Joel and the bots start packing things up. They break into a song, “Clown in the Sky”. The mads think it stinks.

Ian Sera appeared in Pieces in 1982
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Nina Ferrer appeared in several Spanish made movies in the 80’s
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Susanna Bequer appeared in Hostel: Part II
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Emilio Linder appeared in Goya’s Ghost
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## Best Riffs
## There, now you look like Admiral Perry playing the elephant man.
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## Say, I look just like fog.
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## And he died as he lived, with his mouth wide open.
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## “It’s a kooky radio, isn’t it?” “Yeah, it goes in my ear!
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This is a terrible movie. And another great movie for the show. The host segments are great, in particular the first one. 5 out of 5

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Episode 302

Episode 302
Gamera
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** Tom is helping Joel and Crow vocally limber up for the experiment. Joel invents a Tupperware bowl for the endless salad bar. Frank invents a vacuum to clean bird cages. It doesn’t work quite right.

Some scientist arrive at an Eskimo village in the artic. They see a group of unknown planes fly over them. A nearby research ship also sees them. The American military is alerted and they send out two fighter jets to intercept. They shoot down one of the planes and it causes a great explosion when it hits the ice. The ice in the area begins to break apart and out crawls a giant turtle, Gamera!
He sets his sights on the research vessel and wait, what’s this, he can shoot flames from his mouth.
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The boat is able to get off one last message about the attack which the US military picks up. They send out more fighters but are unable to find the ship or the turtle.
Dr Hidaka and his daughter Katherine are the only two scientists to survive along with their camera man Alex. They let the world know about Gamera. Alex tells Katherine he is extremely fond of her.
In Tokyo, a little boy named Kenny is obsessed with turtles. He draws pictures of them and he even has a small one named Tibby as a pet. But Kenny has been neglecting his school work so his father tells him to get rid of the turtle. Kenny lets it go in the ocean.

** Break
** Tom sings a song about Tibby. Crow is not impressed.

Kenny hears a noise behind him, it’s Gamera. His parents come our to see what’s all the ruckus. Kenny somehow ends up on a lighthouse near Gamera. He smashes it and Kenny falls towards the ground. Gamera catches him and sets him down by his parents. Everyone is thrilled that Gamera has a good heart.
Dr Hidaka gets a call that Gamera has been sighted nearing Tokyo but has vanished again. He and his daughter make plans to head there.
Kenny sneaks out of his house at night and looks for Tibby. He finds him hiding in the rocks along the shore. He plans to visit him the next day.
Gamera is finally caught sight of near the geothermal power plant. Dr Hidaka has a plan to try and stop Gamera. They use the 10,000 volts from the power plant to shock him. It doesn’t work. Turns out it just recharges him, like a battery. The military fires away at him but Gamera just tears up the place.
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Dr Hidaka (Eiji Funakoshi) consults a colleague and they determine nuclear weapons would be useless again Gamera. The military has a new weapon that can freeze things. They decide to give it a try but it will only freeze him for 10 minutes so they need to catch him or something during that time. Gamera starts climbing a nearby hill as the weapon is readied.

** Break
** Crow and Tom are practicing voodoo on a Jim Varney doll and are pretending it’s Kenny.
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Joel catches them and makes them try to think of something positive about Kenny. Crow has a lot of trouble so Joel gives him a time out. Tom announces the “Kenny, what gives?” contest.

The planes fly over and drop the freeze bombs. The freeze works and Gamera is stuck on top of the hill. They quickly detonate some explosives under him. Gamera flips over and slides down the hillside. He’s stuck upside down and everyone rejoices since turtles can’t turn themselves over. But Gamera still has a few tricks up his carapace. He pulls his arms and head inside his shell. Flames start to come out and he begins to spin and fly away.
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Meanwhile back with Kenny, he starts collecting rocks. He is going to use them to build Gamera and Tibby a house. He and his mother go and visit Dr Hidaka and Katherine in Tokyo. Gamera seems to be in hiding. Kenny thinks he must be lonely and that deep down he must be good. Later a school mate throws Kenny’s stones in the river. Of course this enormously upsets him.
Some unusual tides cause flooding in Tokyo and the marinelife in the area seems to have disappeared. Dr Hidaka thinks Gamera is the cause of it. A conference is convened with the world’s leading scientists to try and decide what to do. They recommend implementing “Z Plan”. It’s some sort of American, Soviet and Japanese research thingamajig on an island.
At long last, Gamera returns and starts tearing up Tokyo. He smashes buildings and shoots flames all over the place. It seems Kenny was wrong about Gamera after all. Kenny makes a wish that Gamera will not do anything bad. With Tokyo being evacuated, Kenny is able to slip away from his mother. Hmm, wonder where he’s going.
The scientist need 24 hours to get Z Plan ready. Gamera is busy eating flames at a coal plant. It decided to keep him there until they are ready. They send rail cars full of fuel to keep they fires going. Guess who hitches a ride on the train. If you guessed Kenny, you’re right. The tanker cars are pushed in with Kenny on board. One of the workers spots him and tries to rescue him. The tanker explodes, killing Kenny. Wait, no it doesn’t. They both walk away just fine. The workers tell Kenny to go home. Again, this enormously upsets him.
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Z Plan is ready. Now they must get Gamera to the island. Dr Hidaka and Katherine head there. Unfortunately Alex isn’t able to come along. This enormously upsets him. Kenny meanwhile hides inside a cargo ship bound for the island.

** Break
** Tom, Crow and Gypsy are in a beauty salon when Gamera shows up. He’s doing some laundry and wants to borrow a dryer sheet.
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The bots ask him a few questions but he gets a phone call from Godzilla. They got a movie deal they are working on. He leaves them with some advice – Keep your shell in the sun and always keep reaching for the stars.

Kenny gets to the island and is easily found. Katherine takes him away and gives him a good thrashing. Or at least that what she should have done. Instead she just has him sit down.
To lure Gamera to the island, they spill fuel on the ocean and light it on fire. Sure enough, Gamera goes for it.
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Just to throw a wrench into things, a typhoon is head for the area. The winds pick up and put out the flames. No flames, no Gamera. He starts to head back to the island. One of the workers grabs a gas can and lights a building on fire. Can you guess who that worker is? It’s Alex. He snuck onto the island. The fire gets Gamera’s attention and he makes a beeline for it but the storm blows it out too. Just when it looks hopeless, the volcano on the island starts to erupt. Gamera most definitely likes that.
The scene shifts to later. The storm is gone and the volcano has stopped erupting. Inside the facility on the islands everyone is ready to start Z Plan. A few small flames are lit and Gamera moves towards them. When he is in the right position they trap him inside a dome. It’s actually the top of a rocket. The rocket is launched and Gamera is on his way to Mars. Everyone is seriously happy, even Kenny.

** Tom gives some not so serious info about some of the actors in the film. Joel’s happy the film was not so bad. Dr Forrester is annoyed about that.

Eiji Funakoshi stared in the 1959 Japanese classic  Fires on the Plain
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Best Riffs
## TOY BOAT TOY BOAT TOY BOAT
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## “Look! Gamera is turning!”
He’s turning Japanese! I really think so!
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## Crow: Hey, Joel, does this remind you of anything?
Tom: “In the not to distant future”
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I’m not a big fan of this episode. The host segments were really good, especially when Gamera visited the ship, but the movie was not much fun for me. 2 out of 5

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Episode 301

Episode 301
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The Blade Master aka: Cave Dwellers

Joel and the bots decide what names they would like to have. Gypsy picks Stockard Channing. Crow – Jose Jimenez. Tom Servo – Sugar Magnolia. Joel goes with Chuck Woolery. Magic voice stays with magic voice. Crow changes his mind and switches to Alan Parsons Project. Tom quickly changes to Mr Tibbs. Gypsy, panicking, says Mrs Richard Basehart. Magic voice wants Vivian Banks. Joel puts a stop to the whole thing. 
Down in Deep 13, Frank just wants to be know as Frank. Dr Forrester thinks the whole thing is idiotic. He won’t let Frank sing either.
For the invention exchange Joel makes an actual smoking jacket. Dr F and Frank demonstrate robot arm wrestling.
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As the opening credits roll, two guys are involved in some sort of fight with some other people of some sort.
Then a clan of cave dwellers are having a bite to eat in a cave. Another group storms the cave and a huge fight begins.
The scene shifts to a large castle where Mila comes to see her father, Akronas, aka “The Great One”. He is an inventor and mystic man of sorts. His newest invention is some sort of gleaming thing which he says can be used as a weapon of sorts. It’s sort of confusing.
Apparently Zor, a former student, will use it for evil if he can get his hands on it. Akronas tells Mila that only Ator, another student, can be trusted with it.
Time for a flashback. It seems that Ator was born of noble birth during the age of the spider and was captured as a baby and everyone lived in fear and he later in life fought back and was wounded and they took his wife and he learned how to fight better and got a special sword and shield and fought the bad guys and rescued his wife and killed the giant spider. Later his wife died, so now he hides out with his mute Asian friend, Thong, and they do a bunch of exercises and other manly stuff.
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Back in the present, Zor and his men head for the castle. Akronas sends Mila to find Ator. Zor’s men start to ruff up Akronas but he tells them to knock it off. Zor begins to sweet talk Akronas to try and soften him up.

** Break
** Joel and the bots recreate the opening scene from the movie but are all dressed like Zor, Ator and Akronas
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Outside, Mila fights with some of Zor’s men. She is shot with an arrow but still manages to get away. She races on until she reaches Ator (Miles O’Keeffe) and collapses. He and Thong remove the arrow and nurse her wound.
Zor figures out where Mila is headed. He tell Akronas he his ready to confront Ator. Mila explains to Ator the predicament her father is in. Ator is not sure she is really Akronas’s daughter so he tests her. He locks her in a cage and she pulls a MacGyver to get out. Yep, she is the real deal. Ator knows all about the “geometric nucleus” Akronas has invented. The three of them head out to save the day.
Zor introduces Akronas to Sandur, his very own mystic man.
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He instructs Sandur to use his power to stop Ator. He throws some powder in a bowl and it goes poof.
Ator and company are in the forest but there is a bunch of fog. With some of Zor’s men closing in, Mila gets lost. Ator and Thong go into a cave and are attacked by some invisible fighters. They get their buts kicked at first until they throw their capes of the inviso-guys and are able to kill them.
Mila finds the cave but she meets up with the cave dwellers from earlier. She fights them but they are able to capture her. Three of Zor’s men find the cave and are easily captured. They bring all four captors to the cave chief. They kill one on an alter and prepare to do the same to Mila when Ator finds them.
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He does a little MacGyver work of his own and scares the bejesus out of everyone, rescuing Mila.

** Break
** Tom and Crow ask Joel why do all of the props in the movie have such colorful names. He explains that the movie had a low budget so they use that to make them seem better.

The two of them meet up with Thong and find another way out of the cave. Turns out this whole escapade was Sandurs doing. But the mystic failed to stop Ator so Zor has him imprisoned.
The three heroes continue on and are attacked by a band of sort of samurai fighters. A heated battle ensues and the good guys come out victorious.
Zor continues to talk nice to Akronas but it’s really kind of passive aggressive. Akronas keeps spouting jibberish which is really wearing on Zor.
It’s break time for the protagonists. Thong grabs fish out of the stream with his bare hands while Mila chats up Ator.
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Later while sleeping, two travels from Sulachin show up, which just happens to be where Ator’s parents are from. The village is being controlled by serpent worshipers that need human sacrifices. Ator decides to go to the village to help. They arrive at the village and try to convince everyone to fight back against the religious group but it’s a trap. The village leader slips something in Ator drink and he passes out. Ator and Mila (Lisa Foster) are captured but Thong escapes. Ator is to be sacrificed to save the village. The serpent guys show up and go back on the deal. They decide to torch the village. They take Ator, Mila and a villager to be sacrificed. Suddenly Zor shows up. He gives the serpent leader some gold and five girls to sacrifice as payment for getting Ator. Then he heads off in search of fun. One by one they throw them into a pit until only Ator and Mila are left. Thong sneaks in and frees Ator just before Mila is cast in. A fight ensues but Mila is still throw in.

** Break
** Joel explains to the bots what a foley artist is and demonstrates some movie sounds effects.

Ator jumps in after her and fights the big snake stabbing it in the head.
They finally arrive at Akronas’s castle. Ator tells Thong and Mila to go in through the secret passage around back. He will keep Zor’s men busy himself. Some how Ator is able to fashion a modern day glider out of stuff he found nearby.
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Away he sails. And sails and sails for what seems more like a sight seeing trip than anything else. Zor and his men all see Ator. Akronas tells Zor he taught Ator how to do that. Zor is sick of the old man and punches him right in the face.
Ator drops some homemade bombs he also had time to make on the bad guys. Mila and Thong fight their way into the castle as Ator lands on top of it. Ator finds Zor and a tremendous fight begins. Back and forth it goes but Ator is able to disarm Zor. Akronas tells Ator to spare Zor’s life and let the courts decide his fate. When Ator turns his back Zor grabs a sword and goes after him. Thong throws a knife into Zor’s back killing him.
Akronas gives Ator the geometric nucleus. Mila has to let Ator go so he can fight evil where ever it is. Ator takes the nucleus and destroys it in a nuclear blast. Ator then rides away. 
Suddenly the two guys from the very beginning of the movie are back while the closing credits role.

** Joel and the bots are really pissed off at how bad the movie was. But what was worse were the huge continuity errors. Dr F and Frank don’t care. Remember, their evil.

Miles O’Keeffe is most famous for playing Tarzan opposite Bo Derek in Tarzan, the Ape Man in 1981
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Lisa Foster: although she appeared in a few other movies, she is best know for her visual arts work in movies and video games. She also worked on the digital restoration of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
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Best Riffs
## Made this in shop class. It’s a letter opener.
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## Ding-Dong
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## I think your cape is FABULOUS
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## I’m huge.
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This movie is really bad and down right silly. A perfect movie for the show. All the host segments were sharp. A great start to season 3
5 out of 5